anger egocentrism and tears

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How far does your anger go? Do you feel that you may want to kill the guy next door who has been drilling in the walls, or what about someone with a walkman or Ipod on so loud you can hear the kzzz kzzz, so irritating you want to rip the headphones off his ears.
I am pretty desperate, I have attacked a bus driver in Peru because of the f*****g noise of vdos and because he wouldn't lower the volume.

Many a times I was not aware, I risked my life, I mean other NT guys unaware of my audio intolerance might have kicked my ass. Now that I know I have Aspie, it doesn't change my levels for 'noise', though.

My friend who has diagnosed me, told me that she worked with aspies and some of them behaved very egocentricly. She was a teacher and two aspies, on two different occassion in her teaching life, simply and bluntly said they didn't want to do the exam on that day but on another day, just like that. So are we egocentric?

I told her that NTs are egocentric too by demanding that we are becoming socially skilled ("give grandma a kiss, a hug or uncle, etc...all induced obligation to become socially skilled)...
I made her cry by this remark and she said, "well obviously you don't want to live in this world, you have found WP and you like that world better, maybe we should live in our own world and not together anymore."

She went to her room to hide her tears, because she said,"i know you cannot handle them".

I can't speak for everyone, but for myself...

On the one hand, I can handle people's emotions a lot better than most NTs I know. This might be a consequence of having been in therapy for most of my life and having had very emotionally charged parents, but I'd say I'm pretty good at trying to actually help or sympathize with people who are upset rather than telling them to buck up and get over it. Tears and other expressions of negative emotion don't bother me because they're there - rather, they bother me because it means that someone I care about has been messed with, and too often I'm not able to singlehandedly solve the problem. I try to work through sadness and anger with people I care about rather than dismissing it, because I know I would want the same.

When something or someone is pushing my sensory buttons, though? I've gotten better about this somewhat, but I still have trouble tolerating it, even if I know they're not purposely trying to hurt me. Especially if the offending stimulus is sudden and unexpected, I really freak out. I'll still try to make it stop if there's no way for me to leave or tune it out, but I'm not as violent as I used to be in doing so. Even though intellectually I realize that people aren't doing it on purpose, I still FEEL under attack when my sensory buttons are pressed.

Though some people have accused me of selfishness for my sensitivities, I do try to take other people into account - it's just at a certain level, these people might as well be firing a gun an inch away from my head and telling me, "What, you don't like it? I'm just having fun, get over it!" in terms of how I perceive it. Being nice and considerate to others does not mean allowing oneself to be put in a position where one feels unsafe or in pain.

I have anger management issues at times. I will get annoyed by something but will let it slide, but by not addressing it my anger will build up until I explode and say something hurtful.

Sometimes I have difficulty registering and/or processing anger...othertimes I can be unneccesarily snappy and blow up at the slightest provocation.
Um......I can be rather self-centered...but I would not say egocentric...I might do things without regard for the feelings of others sometimes...and I may justify my actions to myself and be blind to others reasoning..but um....i dunnow if that counts as being egocentric.

Egocentric: I think auties and aspies are perceived as being egocentric when in reality they are just forthright in saying or doing (blunt) what they feel or want to do. I appreciate this very much as you don't have to beat around the bush to figure out what they are feeling. You always know exactly where you stand with them and what they do/don't like... as long as it is expressed clearly and not violently.

Anger is a part of our household, but not violence. I see anger as a form of frustration and melting point that clearly say "you've gone too far with me". We respect rooms as a time out spot when we've been pushed too far (even adults) - no one crosses or goes near the threshold and noise is silenced - and then non emotional listening and respecting - to paraphrase Temple Grandin in her book co-written with Sean Baron, "Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships", emotions often muddle, distort and cloud otherwise simple solutions to <relationship> problems. It sounds to me that your NT friend does not have a good handle on her own emotions by her responses to you. Perhaps she needs to work with MORE aspies to REALLY get to know them rather than what she read in a book.

As to sound, I am especially sensitive to that. I have no problems plugging my ears in public or otherwise showing distaste to noises (especially screaming children, even though I have six of my own, I still can't take that AT ALL). People are usually perceptive in my area and politely remove the offense (same with smells), otherwise I get HIGHLY irritable too. I have learned it is just better to leave - even if I'm not able to, I make it "able to" - than to lash out in the ways I do. I'm so afraid one day I will lose it and get arrested or something for a violent reaction. Yes, best to get a handle on the anger.

My son will also tell you exactly what and when he wants to do something. I loved his gusto when we sat in a high school counselor's office a week ago and my son told the counselor exactly how and when he was going to retake his English class. It wasn't that he was disrespectful, the counselor's plans didn't fit in with HIS agenda and plans for learning what was "pertinent to his interests". I LOVE the way autie and aspie minds work (if you can keep up with them). He came to angry tears, but checked them quickly when he saw we weren't stomping on him, everyone's hands were tied. (We had a very mature counselor who knew how not to crush a teen's ego. He was very positive and told my son he could do whatever he wanted, it just wasn't the best way.) Egos are important AS LONG AS they don't become arrogant (erudite is not arrogant). Ego is what helps us survive the persecution: it's a charitable "if you could only see things the way I see them, you wouldn't think I was weird and you wouldn't persecute me. But since you can't see things the way I do, I will have to have patience with you in knowing you don't understand." <In a loving manner>