I was really irritated a week ago when a woman, who I had nothing to do with and didn't know, made a point to tell me someone else in the room, who I also didn't know, was "autistic". Was this really nessessary??
It happened like this:
I was preparing to teach a class (unrelated to AS) (I have NO trouble with large groups as I can disengage) and accidently got locked out of the building by self-locking doors. Three people were sitting on a sofa - two women and a young guy. The guy got up and let me in, then sat back down. I realized I was going to get locked out again when I repeated what I just did later, so I asked him if he was going to be sitting there. He misunderstood me and thought I wanted his seat, saying, "You can have my seat, there is plenty of room for all." I immediately realized I had miscommunicated my intention.
The two women sitting there gave me a look I could not interpret. I must have looked very confused as things just seemed to turn into a different language to me. I obviously was missing the meaning in their faces. I connected very well with the guy and wished the two women would just dissappear or ignore us so I could get back to what I needed to do. He and I connected and I left.
When I came back with my class, this other lady stepped in front of me and said, "You know that boy you just talked to is autistic." (Well, I HAD just talked to a boy I knew was Aspie so I was confused.) She meant the guy on the sofa. She said, "That is why you couldn't connect with him." I got really FRUSTRATED, first, because I WAS connecting with him!! It was the two NT women I was wishing would stop talking to me. Second, I was REALLY angry that she had to point out that he was autistic! What did that have to do with ANYTHING?
I'm really confused why people feel they have to point out differences. It was her own prejudgement of the situation that was wrong. I mumbled something incoherent (I was really messed up at this point and having a hard time thinking). I wanted to tell her I was on the spectrum too and it was the other two women I wasn't CONNECTING with! I wish I could do it over.
Do you think she should have pointed out that guy was autistic/aspie? I really feel it was like she was "racist". I mean, I wasn't going to be working with him or anything that I should know about it. To me it was like she was saying, "That person over there has IBS. That's why he is the way he is." (Yes, I love metaphors)
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I was too thoughful to be happy. It was this everlasting thinking which distressed and tormented me.
Children have their sorrows as well as men and women; and it would be well to remember this in our dealings with them.
~ Frederick Douglas
22 Aug 2008, 6:41 pm
