Reducing Anxiety- Does anyone have any suggestions?

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As we all know, autism entails the impairment of social behaviors/social interactions. For some reason, we can't understand people's emotional cues/body language, so we're always confused. It is this confusion that induces fear/anxiety in me, and although calm on the outside, I shivel up on the inside.

I've read some books on how to conquer anxiety, with positive "affirmations", self talk therapy, etc, but I questions its worth to a mentally impaired person (yes I consider autism an inpairment because it does impair the way we interact with our fellow NT's). At first I was pissed off/frustrated that there wasn't anything I could do to be free of this annoyance, but once I got over my pity party, I decided to make a chance and reduce this annoyance as much as possible. People's emotions/body language won't mean anything to me if I can control my anxiety, I will have at least SOME control over my life.

So I was wondering if any of you know any good books about conquering anxiety or if you have any good advice on how to reduce anxiety, I would greatly appreciate it. I would sooner value your words over any neurotypical person who has NO clue what we deal with everyday. Sure, they can write it in a medical textbook or define it in a dictionary, but they can't even come close to understanding unless they have autism themselves.

Although i've only gone to one class upto now, check out Toastmasters. I can see how it could help greatly with shyness and social anxiety.

Drugs.

Or learn apathy. If you figure out how to laugh at starving children in Africa, apathy won't be far away.

The babytalk they give about "social skills" might be helpful to the severely impaired. Maybe. I wouldn't know. It didn't do me much good.

A more useful approach is to try to understand human nature by approaching it as a system. Study psychology, anthropology, sociology, maybe a little philosophy... that sort of thing. That is useful.

And then top it off with the truth. Realize that just about everything everyone says is a lie, and that most of them don't understand their own motives or why they do the crazy things they do.

And then keep in mind the truly evil, who do understand their own motives. http://www.kickbully.com/main.html

My head is starting to spin again. What was the question?

I try to avoid as many situations that cause me anxiety as possible since it is very situational.

Breathing exercises help and so does exercise and yoga as they all relieve tension.

A lot of self coaching helps, but for me nothing has completely eliminated anxiety when I'm in a situation that I don't have prior experience in successfully handling it.

The worst thing for me is I just hate being so unsure of myself.

Manage the environment as much as possible ahead of time. Think: if I freak out in this situation, what am I going to do? Is there a quiet place where I can go to calm down? I've spent quite a bit of time locked in various people's bathrooms while I gather my thoughts. If you need to leave, how are you going to get home? Do people close to you know that you might need support? It's a good idea to know how you will deal with these things before you have to, because knowing will help calm the anxiety to begin with, but also because you don't want to be working these things out when you're in a state of high anxiety and can't think straight. Manage the sensory issues as much as you can if you think you're going into a situation which might make you anxious. Do you need to wear soft clothing? Take earplugs?

When you talk to people, tell them you're on the spectrum if you feel comfortable with that. If not, you can always improve communication by checking for confirmation: "So what you're saying is..." NTs actually seem to like it when you check with them because it shows that you're paying attention. It also gives them an opportunity to say if they think you've misunderstood, and it keeps the conversation going. Good luck! I also struggle with anxiety, but I hope this helps.

sister [hf aspie] told am a long while ago she used to have severe anxiety,as she found out am was prescribed propranalol for severe meltdowns,she said used to be prescribed that for the anxiety.
she used a lot of self help books [has a case full of them],and would make herself speak to people at her university,am never knew how much she had changed till she and her boyfriend took am out to a super market and were at the till,a man pushed in front and she gave him a strong telling off,other people behind in the cue thanked her,she would have never done that before.

what about trying a medication and using that help to get used to what it is that causes the problem?

Your advice is good, John Hopkins. I already know that being relaxed allows more blood and oxygen to flow through the brain, allowing you to think clearly mentally. Staying relaxed though is easier said than done, and in order to relax, there has to be another method than merely deep breathing. If someone saw me breathing deeply, they would automatically know I was either scared/frightened by my body language. By knowing this, they can either notice and try to accommodate me by asking "Are you alright" or they can be malicious and use it to their advantage if we don't get along. But your idea of studying body language and preparing yourself for it is an excellent idea, I commend your wisdom and insight, and I'll read up on it Thank you!

I question how good having social skills does. When I was a kid I was so nice to people and they just used me as a doormat and treated me like crap. Isn't being nice to people having "good social skills"? I tend to get really cynical about social skills because I did have reasonable ones at one point and it did me absolutely no good. It got me nowhere in school, that's for sure. As far as staying quiet goes, that keeps me out of conflicts and keeps people from resenting me, feeling weird about me, etc. At least as far as I can tell. People are friendlier to me when I am really quiet but this is just superficial, pointless behaviour that doesn't really matter one way or the other.
Sometimes there just isn't a magical pill that will take everything away and make life this perfect event. Ask yourself: "Is anyone's life really perfect?" Maybe better than social skills would be the ability to look at life in a realistic way and understand that everyone has problems in their lives social skills or no.

P.S. Plenty of NTs, I have noticed, can be so rude, thoughtless, obnoxious, etc and have friends. Just how important are social skills, especially in the US? I don't think the US is a very polite society anyway.

To the guy with the excessive number of O's in his name,

I am sorry to hear that people treated you like crap because you were a nice person. Being a nice person is a good thing because you are doing what is morally right and you are not seeking conflicts, as you have mentioned. However being nice lends itself to be used, manipulated, and tricked if one is not careful enough. But I pose this question to you "Which is better, being a nice, kind person who tries to get along with others, or an a**hole who seeks conflict and control?". I'm certainly sure that you won't want to be like the very same people who mocked you. Luckily for myself, I disguised myself as something I wasn't through elementary, middle, and high school, and everyone bought it hook line and sinker. When I was out of high school, I had no need to live a lie to hide away from others.

As for NT's being rude, hateful, arrogant, etc, I won't deny, I do agree with that statement to a certain degree. But you must remember that not all NT's are nearly as malicious as they seem. At a time I thought they were, but now I realize that most NT's are alright. They may be a little self-absorbed and they may not lend themselves to hanging around people like us, but they certainly are not superior to us. Our natural kindness shows how much more humane we are than NT's who try to start s**t.

I will also agree that the United States can be a very rude society. After all our society is a masculine culture, things like material wealth, achievement, power, greed, and motivation are praised/celebrated and stressed through the media and cultural norms. With this mentality, things like assertiveness, kindness, respect, manners, or the more feminine aspects of our culture is considered weak. If a culture promotes being strong, rash, and pompous, how can you expect people to sentimental and sympathetic. I believe the only reason why we are civil and humane is because of our puritanical roots that stress what is right and taboo in behavior and culture, and even that is slipping away.

The thing is I am not a rude person. Far from it. I am an overly passive person always second guessing myself and is so intent on avoiding conflict that I hardly ever say a word to anyone outside my own family unless it's on the internet. In real life I am "that nice person". If you consider being quiet and only speaking to say "fine how are you" or "hi" a nice person. If I see someone needing assistance I will go out of my way to offer my help, if I think the situation isn't too weird, that is.
Still it gets me nowhere. My life is pretty two dimensional. I am not a jerk who puts myself into conflicts, believe me! Maybe that's part of the problem? I save all my arguing and whining for the internet and don't assert and am not demanding enough in real life?
I don't really know what is meant by social skills. The way I see it is, when people are together, let's say at work, they form cliques and usually the supervisor is at the top of that clique. If the supervisor thinks you are inferior in some way or "sweet" (which is a euphemism for "no brain") you will not get the promotions, etc that other people get. The ones who go the furtherst are the ones who play the game with the boss, agrees with the boss about the ones the boss wants to ostracize, and does what the boss wants. Rather than outright groveling, they more or less provide good cheer and do all the menial things the boss wants. Also they say what it is they want from their jobs.
Anyway, my point being, I am far from being anything like an a**hole in real life. Maybe if I was more of an a**hole, especially here in the US where most are jerks and people tend to respect jerkiness, I would have more success. I am not saying go out and do anything that will get you in serious trouble. "Antisocial" is not what I mean by lacking social skills. Social skills usually involves a lot of ass kissing though, and I ask you...in America does that really get you anything other than being taken advantage of treated like a door mat, not shown any respect for? Does the nice driver ever really get into or get out of the traffic circle or is just stuck there going in circles spinning his own wheels indefinitely.

PS I am not a guy:)