Over analyzing...move, no move, consequences, blah, blah...

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whatamess
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01 Sep 2008, 5:54 am

So is it me or do we tend to over analyze everything?

My latest dilema...My "boyfriend" and I have been together for almost 10 years, we have a 7r old son...for all practical purposes we are "married", but I can't get myself to do it because he has a child from a previous marriage and thus God forbid something happens to him or me, I would not be protected...

I want to move to a place where if a spouse dies, and you own a house, automatically 1/2 of the house is considered to be inherited by the children of the dying spouse...ie. I'd be stuck with paying her off and losing any money I invested in the house, even if my own money paid for 100% of that house...thus I can't get myself to marry him, I can't get myself to buy a house with him without constantly worrying about this...I have known women who have minor children, but because their husbands had children from a previous marriage they were forced to sell the house to pay off their children.

We had a 400K house, for which I gave the down payment and paid more than 1/2 of payments...I could not sleep thinking if something happened to him, I would have to come up with 100K or lose any money I put into the house because of the laws...

I do this with so many things...I drive myself crazy...

Right now I think my only option will be to save enough money to buy a house cash under my name only and THEN marry him...With only one income now, I don't know if it will take us 10 years to save enough to buy a house cash...sigh...

I have about 120K I can use for a house, but if we finance ANY of it, then 60K of that value would automatically go to HIS child and leave me losing out 60K of MY hard earned money...



tomamil
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01 Sep 2008, 6:00 am

it sounds like responsible thinking to me.


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ZakFiend
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01 Sep 2008, 11:20 am

whatamess wrote:
So is it me or do we tend to over analyze everything?


One man's over analysis is another man's genius... we think a lot, our problem is learning when not to think (i.e. act vs always trying to analyse the best/optimum path for the 'right' answer).



Tracker
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01 Sep 2008, 1:29 pm

Cant that problem be solved with a prenuptial contract?

I dont know exactly all the details, but I pretty sure you can make a contract before marrying him that stipulates what will happen when he, or you dies. Just write up the contract to say that if your hubby dies, you get all his stuff; and likewise if you die, he gets all your stuff. That is how it works with single families. If the person dies, the spouse gets the stuff, and both parents need to be dead before the children get anything.



makuranososhi
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01 Sep 2008, 2:14 pm

I don't know that I have any advice... only that I can fathom the situation. Overthought tends to make any sort of change even more wrenching that it is already; I plan to move in a year to be with the woman I love, and even at that date I am suffering from analytical paralysis. Perhaps a consideration is buying the house beforehand and keeping it in your name only with a contractual stipulation that you are the sole owner even in marriage. Other options might involve creating a business entity to purchase the house and paying them in a 'rent' scenario where you are the sole owner/operator of the business. There are always options and loopholes, just have to think creatively.


M.


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2ukenkerl
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01 Sep 2008, 2:36 pm

whatamess,

WHERE do you live!?!?!? In the US, YOU would become his childs step mother, once married, and if he died, you would get all of his assets. You would only have to provide for the child as you would your own. The 1/2 value comes into play if you are DIVORCED! Even then, the woman usually gets the money. If you were divorced, you wouldn't have to provide for his child.