Big Sister/Big Brother program doesnt like Autistic Bigs!?!

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WARNING- LONG POST! sorry...



So as some know i was apart of big sister/big brothers program, my little is 13 and has pddnos.

Well i did the best that i could to my little drove her to chuck e cheese, took her out to eat, hung with her at my house, hung at her house, took her to the movies, stuff that is very hard for me to do i did for her to make her happy ya know. Well anyways the big sister/big brother program is in lakewood, I live 15-20mins away from lakewood, lakewood is known by me as not the safest area, a lot of low income, drug dealing, robberys and etc going on there, my mother used to lock the doors when we drove through there. Now jsut to remind everybody i have driven far places, dont always but if i have to, i will do so. I have driven even to another state over an hour away...

I never driven to lakewood though, not only because of the area, but because im very unfamiliar how to navigate, not good with the streets or anything, and since all the big sister/big brother events are in lakewood i ask my boyfriend to take me and my little. Well big sisters/big brothers didnt like that, so i sent them a copy of my boyfriends license via fax, well both times i was sending it to their main number not fax, so it wasnt going through, finally i had my boyfriend do it so it would work. Then they said they couldnt see the numbers so i told them ill get that taken care of. They said they can do something where they can make my boyfriend a Big, and have a couples match so he can drive to lakewood with her in the car without a problem, i said perfect ill do that. So the girl who told me that said to call her the next day, she'll be there all day, so i did, my boyfriend had off of work that day so i wanted him to maybe go in that day and get the interview, his fingerprints done, his license copied again, etc so he can become a big... i called and she wasnt there so i left a msg to call his cell phone, if not then mine, and if not then my line. No calls, nothing, so i thought she hasnt gotten back to me yet, ill give it a day or two, nothing! So things started getting hectic and my boyfriend had problems with his car, my mother went to europe for ten days, my boyfriend lost and got a new job, his grandpa went into the hospital cause of a heart attack, my mind was going bonkers! So what ends up happening is they call and say lets push up ur year annually meeting to see where we go from here with my match with my little. So i agreed, i asked her if shes going to kick me out, she said no, its just a meeting to see where we are.

Ok, so that day comes, and i show up, and they meaning two girls are there from big sisters/big brother goes "are u excited big sisters/big brothers is moving out" i was like huh? i thought this was just a meeting, not that ur kicking me out, they said "yea it is, but there is always that possibility you dont need us anymore". I was like whatever, so the meeting goes, my little says she loves being around me, and her mother said im an excellent role model, and big sisters/big brothers said that "due to my health reasons meaning since they never had an autistic big before and the fact that i cant drive meaning cant drive to lakewood yet because i cant navigate doesnt mean i cant learn, their kicking me out!"

Ok you have no idea how frustrated and angry i was, i asked them what about the match couple thing, which they never ever returned my phone call, no msgs on my boyfriends cell or mine or my line and they denied it saying they did...what happened there, the one lady goes "ohhh yea we couldnt do that" then i said its all because i cant drive to lakewood? i mean doesnt mean i can't i can learn, it jsut takes time. She goes "yea u agreed when u signed up u would be driving, not ur boyfriend." i agreed and said i could fix it though, and then she went on saying "due to my health reasons also". Now i've been going to drs galore to fix all my health problems, to try to help autism, my tourettes, etc, and told them that, they said we understood, but we still feel u shouldnt be my littles big anymore! Then they told my little you have other possibilities to have another big, and told me, u have possibilities to work in the school system so u dont have to drive and maybe itll be less stressful "due to ur health reasons" which means autism. They kept saying how "you made it this far, you should give yourself a pat on your back" I was like wait, i mean just because i have autism it is soo amazing that i made it this far, that im not capable of doing this more then a year? The one lady goes "with your serious health issues regarding autism, and the fact that your boyfriend drove to lakewood, not you, we can't take that risk anymore!"

Ugh i was soo about to loose it, first of all, they lied when they said about the couples match, idk maybe it was to make me feel better, then they lied and said they did return my phone call yet how mysteriously all my 3 phones had no msgs, and then they said this meeting was to talk about where to go instead they both knew way before that they were going to kick me out and lead me on. Then they kicked me out due to fact I have autism which means serious health issues, and the fact that i'm unable to drive to lakewood, which i still could learn, but they refused to let me. Then they say their give me an easier position in the school system so its "easier" for me considering my "serious health issues regarding autism" and told me i wouldnt have to worry ever again about driving. R u f*cking serious, i was soo angry, i drive to the harbor house, drive to childrens specialized hospital, to the homeless, to cattus island, i can drive without a problem i jsut need help to navigate if im too unfamiliar with the streets, i mean i could learn! And the fact that they kicked me out due to my autism! They kept telling me over and over they never even heard of a big whos autistic in the US especially, um so does that mean were not capable of becoming a big because u never heard of it, and because im the first one, dear gosh, wtf!

does anybody else think all of this is bull and that is bias almost? Is anybody agreed that is wrong?



P.S. I now know how it feels to be treated handicapped, and will never ever recommend big sisters/big brothers program ever again!

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

Well, I can unerstand, iven the bias, that they don't want your boyfriend with your little. Interestingly enough though, they are now showing females with that sort of problem. On law and order just yesterday they talked about it.

They should NOT expect you to go out of your way to a dangerous area. And they accuse YOU of having mental problems!?!?!?

It sounds like you should get a GPS system. You might be able to get a decent one for under $200, and you can get a pretty nice one for just a bit over that.

As for your little, if you are decent, honest, and willing, and it sounds like you ARE, and she likes you, and it sounds like she DOES, and her family likes you, and it sounds like they DO, then THAT is all that should matter. And to think, you were making me think I should do it! I probably would have if I thought I could enjoy, or even appreciate, something that they would like.

Expose them to the local paper maybe. If the media gets involved then that usually scares those organizations enough to either make you a big again, or at the least to prevent future things from happening.

Ohhh, they would love me, I'm a bastard for an argument I'd ask many questions and ask them where they have never been then I would say I would expect them to know it perfectly, yard by yard perfect. I wouldn't stand for it.

Yes. It's very biased. But you know that already.

I know quite a few NT girls who will ask boyfriends or husbands to drive them through unfamiliar places. It is not an uncommon thing to do before you know your way around.

When you are autistic, they will assume that your autism means you can't learn things like other people can. They will assume your weaknesses are not just automatically due to autism, but that you cannot compensate for them. They will assume that you can't learn, don't change. They will assume those things rather than their opposites, which they assume of people they think are not disabled. Either assumption is dangerous. Until you say you can or can't do something, they shouldn't pigeonhole you.

I have been in a similar situation. In my case, I was fired from a job not long after telling my supervisor that I have Asperger's. (She knew I was weird and thought it was OCD because I'm so picky about doing detailed jobs. I corrected her.) She assumed that because I was not multitasking perfectly six weeks after starting the job, that I could not learn to do so. It didn't help that I cried in front of her, I suppose. And it didn't help that her daughter was the assistant manager and blamed things on me... At that point the manager figured that Asperger's meant I couldn't do the job and could never learn.

In the long run it benefited me. That was the last straw that apparently told the social security people that I actually do have problems at work (even though in my opinion they are more due to prejudice--I could do many jobs with accommodation that nobody wants to provide). So now I'm on disability and have gone back to college. If I graduate I may have a degree to prove that I'm capable. If that still isn't enough, I suppose I'm screwed; but I have a chance.

Yes, they are wrong. Biased.
Autism is not schizophrenia.

If you already know the family and they like you,
do you still need the approval of the formal program?

Well, it still depends on personalities. I've met auties I had nothing in common with, and ones that felt like good friends half an hour after we first met. But in general, yeah. A kid on the Spectrum having a mentor on the Spectrum is just plain ideal.

I didn't think about the boyfriend angle. Are there rules about not having anyone else along on the outings? If so you might have had to get a taxi, I guess--but I still don't see what autism has to do with that.

I just re-read your post and realized that you felt they had been thinking of kicking you off the program even before you even recruited your boyfriend to chauffeur. So I'm wrong about it being the boyfriend thing... they just used it as an excuse.

I wonder if my supervisor just wanted an excuse to fire me, too? I would not be surprised.

"Health issues". Yeah right. If you'd had purely physical stuff, I doubt they would have said that.

They are biased a**holes.. im sorry that you had to go through that.. the problem with being stuck with a label is that it will haunt you until you die.. which is why im glad im not diagnosed yet and maybe never will be

I don't see how autism has anything to do with anything else they were saying. I agree, it's horrible that they said, "You managed to get this far!" like you were stupid or something. I agree to get a hold of the local paper if you can, like someone else said.

It would not be right to call the news paper yet.
They might already have a policy in your favor that the person didn't know about.
Just a simple request for their grievance procedure would make them think a little harder.
Avoiding an unnecessary confrontation would make it easier to go back to being a big sister, which is all you really want.

I really think that's a very odd thing for them to do, since you've been with them for a year and was even trying to get your boyfriend involved as part of the program (an NT no less). If the family liked you I have no idea why they would do this, and I would be angry too. Maybe you can get ahold of your local newspaper.

I wish people would be more honest than making up excuses or lies. I don't understand why your boyfriend taking you to places you are unfamiliar with is an issue with them. Even I have had my mother take me to places because I didn't know where that place was at. Now I use google maps to get directions if I have to go to unfamiliar places. I just write down the directions and take them with me when I drive.