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weebo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Sep 2008, 8:04 am

Are there any aspies out there that dont even like pycical contat with there boyfirend/girlfirend?



ASandproud
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17 Sep 2008, 9:05 am

I don't like sustained physical contact at all. As far as relationships go I have to feel REALLY comfortable with the other person.
Thinking about this its a little weird because in my teens and early 20s I went to see bands play all the time and had no problem going down the front and moshing or whatever. But I've always hated what I suppose can be termed 'emotional' physical contact, like hugging etc.


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weebo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Sep 2008, 9:16 am

HI yes its very hard i have a boyfirned now and i flip out when he trying to hold my hand, cant deal with hands i can manage a hug but it has to be fast and i cant stand kissing, not very good with romantic films as well



plutarch
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17 Sep 2008, 9:18 am

Why? Don't you ask yourself why? Are you scared? Touching, cuddling, kissing, all these kinds of intimacy are so rewarding to the heart.. Maybe if you tried it, you might come to like it..



weebo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Sep 2008, 9:26 am

i have tryed but my body just pulls away, the hugging is getting easyer but its took 4 years to get there



plutarch
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17 Sep 2008, 9:34 am

Your body just pulls away? You're in control of your own body. Try forcing yourself, like eating something you have an aversion to, you might think you don't like it but once you get used to it, you might start to like it. I find it difficult to understand this touching/intimacy problem asperger sufferers have. They can hug and kiss and stroke their animal pets, so why not humans?



weebo
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17 Sep 2008, 9:42 am

amimals are very different from humans for one you dont have to have a converation with them or worry about doing some thing wrong you dont have to worry about saying the correct thing, others may explan it better iam not so good at explaning things.

But with humans its differnet iam not sure why really i would have no problem hugging an animal i would not even think about it i would just do it, maybe its becasue they wont try to hug back and grab me i dont no.



plutarch
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17 Sep 2008, 9:49 am

Do you have a low opinion of yourself, your looks? Maybe you don't think you're huggable, or kissable, or whatever, maybe it's hard for you to accept that someone might want to share intimacy with you? I don't know. I guess it must come from a fear of something. I read that a lot of aspergers sufferers don't like loneliness, they want to be around people, they actually want companionship, but if you give them the opportunity, they shy away from it, why? It's a fear of something, right? What do you think about when your bf hugs you? If you think about hugging your bf, what comes to mind?



lionesss
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17 Sep 2008, 9:58 am

I don't mind holding hands but I hate the intimate stuff, I am lucky that my husband is understanding like he is because it has caused issues in the past with ex's. In fact I know I have been dumped because of being "cold".


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weebo
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17 Sep 2008, 10:05 am

lioness, my boyfirend is the same he is very very undertanding he has knowen me for 6 yeard now but some times i feel bad becasue i gont give him the intamacy stuff



lionesss
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17 Sep 2008, 10:08 am

weebo wrote:
lioness, my boyfirend is the same he is very very undertanding he has knowen me for 6 yeard now but some times i feel bad becasue i gont give him the intamacy stuff


Yeah we are lucky to have understanding partners in our lives. I have tried giving him back the intimacy stuff but I can't tell you how uncomfortable it made me.. it just felt so unnatural to the point I couldn't do it. But he is used to it... its so funny because I can kiss and hug my kids no problem.. one time when my daughter came into my arms and I held her and kissed her my husband commented "I wish I got that kind of lovin'" I felt so bad.... and I am sure it frustrates him deeply but again he is understanding.. I make it up to him in other ways though and I know he appreciates that.


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weebo
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17 Sep 2008, 10:15 am

yes my partner says i give him some thing extra spehal, he said i only have to look at him and thats enough for him and just being there wit hhim, its great as well he it cool when i need my space and just dont want to see anyone for a while he is fine, did you say you have kids, can i ask who you got on conceven children, i cant very get tht close to my partner, adotion has crossed my mind though, i have two neices and i love them so so much.



lionesss
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17 Sep 2008, 10:18 am

weebo wrote:
yes my partner says i give him some thing extra spehal, he said i only have to look at him and thats enough for him and just being there wit hhim, its great as well he it cool when i need my space and just dont want to see anyone for a while he is fine, did you say you have kids, can i ask who you got on conceven children, i cant very get tht close to my partner, adotion has crossed my mind though, i have two neices and i love them so so much.


Well here is the funny thing with me, I like sex but not foreplay. Go figure. You are lucky you are with someone who is understanding. My husband has some annoying traits but some obvious excellent ones too.


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weebo
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17 Sep 2008, 10:22 am

ok i get you lol, i dont like any or it lol, do you have AS?



lionesss
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17 Sep 2008, 10:26 am

weebo wrote:
ok i get you lol, i dont like any or it lol, do you have AS?


Well if I didn't have a history of speech delay I probably would, but because of my speech delay history its PDD-NOS instead. A lot of my traits have lessened over time but once you are under the spectrum, you are always going to be under the spectrum.


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weebo
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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17 Sep 2008, 10:32 am

iam still trying to get my diognoise i had an assesment resenty but it was done my an educational pycologist and they said ther was not enough evadence, it all proving hard work