Dad did the worst thing, EVER!

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I don't really know what to say...
At the dinnertable this afternoon, my dad called me a ret*d!.
I'm sort of angry at him, but I.... I don't know...

He don't know that I'm suspecting myself for having aspergers, and I REALLY don't want him to know. He is a handicap-helper, and I know, that if I told him I might be aspie, he would properly believe me, and take me for a diagnosis, That I want to, but, on the other hand I know for sure that he would begin treating me like a ret*d, like saying things, I don't know how to descibe it...

I know that fact, because we have another aspie in our family, and he always treat him, like he was 4 years old, and didn't know anything... I also know that if I told him that he shouldn't treat aspies that way, he would be mad!

So... I guess I just had to relieve the anger...
I would like to hear, if anyone have a comment...

Why did he call you a ret*d?

I don't know...
We were discussing how to eat. He actually started, by saying that me, and my brother were ret*ds. Cause only ret*ds would say, that you can't have food mixed together.
Seriously, I don't like to have a lot of food on my plate, I prefer to take one thing at a time, Eat it up, and then take the next thing.

His argument was that "It get mixed up in the stomach anyway."

Sounds like your dad experienced a lapse in judgement and said something he'l regret later. This is familiar to me because my dad used to do the same thing, ie. saying abusive things to me. But my dad always apologized for it later, for what was said in the heat of the moment. I would not have been able of respecting/liking later in life if he lackerd this kind of self-awareness.

And believe or not, "All goes to the same place!" is my dad's favourite expression.

"It get mixed up in the stomach anyway."

"And when you get ill and have to taste it again after its been mixed together is it pleasant?"

That was certainly hostile and disrespectful, but I think everyone has moments where they temporarily lose it and say or do something hurtful to someone they care about. Everyone in my family has said similar things to one another during moments of anger and I have forgiven them, as they have forgiven me.

Also, you might take comfort in the fact that it was not the worst thing ever. Take my friend's story for example: his dad killed his mom, burned her body to make it look like a suicide, and got away with it. Then he kicked his youngest son (my friend) out of the house and went on living a normal life while his teenage son was homeless and mourning his mother's death.

I know it really hurts to be called a ret*d, and you have every right to complain about it, and seek support here. But keep in mind that if that's the worst thing anyone in your family has done to you, you are fortunate. It could be a lot worse.

I definitely don't agree with calling one's own child a bunch of hateful names. To me that's worse than anyone else because parents are supposed to be the ones who love you the most.

Mine used to tell me I was lazy, and that I was smart and dumb at the same time, which didn't make sense.

I think their definition of lazy was "prefering to engage in activities of one's own choosing as opposed to activities chosen for one."

I know what that's like! My mom told people I was this genius of course none of them believed her because they saw me and thought That's no genius. While she was telling whomever that she would tell me whenever I aggravated her that I had the least common sense of anyone she knew and was very condescending and patronizing. She also told me I was lazy. Of course I got called a spoiled rotten brat plenty a time. For some reason she didn't come right out and call me a ret*d but I could tell that's what she thought. She just didn't say it. I am just kind of surprised your father called you one knowing his occupation. It's just verbal abuse.

Unintentionally hurtful words can do a lot of damage to a developing child.

But you're almost an adult now, and you can ignore him or call him out for using a word you find inappropriate.

If you tell him calmly and politely the next time he uses the phrase that you don't appreciate the usage, and you find it belittling and needlessly cruel, perhaps he'll listen. Don't fight, don't whine, just state your opinion and hope he respects it.

If he's a decent parent, he will.

and no, it's not the worst thing ever.

I could cite examples from my own life that are far worse, but I know there are people who've had active abuse much worse then the neglect that I got.

fuygkuyguy

You need to be able to tell him how he made you feel - or at least pull him up on it.
It is not acceptable for him to call you a ret*d.
Parents are just people - no one is nice all the time.