Am I / was I really that bad?

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I looked up my cousin that I hadn't seen in 26 years last month and he said he was concerned about me because he thought I'd be in jail or something as an adult. Got me thinking, "was I really that bad as a kid that people would have thought I would be a criminal in my adulthood?".

I mean, I like to think I'm kind and friendly and all that. Maybe it's my attitude or the way I talk to people. Or it could be that I don't come across as being very smart. Bright maybe but not book smart. Or it could be that when I was young, we lived in near poverty while my relatives lived in relative comfort all owning their own house with a pool, a dog, 2.3 children...

I don't really know what else to say about it other than to ask if you guys seem to feel I might be a delinquent or something. I wonder if it could be related to some people telling me that they don't think I'd do very well in school if ever I decided to go back.

later guys and thanks in advance for the help!

lol, what a funny thing for him to say to you. I am sure people marvel at me for not having any kind of record because I was a pretty atrocious kid. I grew out of it. Amazingly, after I quit school, I began to really recover.

I wouldn't worry about it. Some NTs are so conformist that anyone who is even slightly different is branded a criminal. I would bet that is what is going on here. I've had my share of that in my life too. My parents used to think it would take me 5 or 6 years to get through high school, but I made it in the traditional 4. They resented my social problems and thought screaming at me and constantly punishing me would solve them, but it didn't.

My sister was a master manipulator who always got her way, often with my parents' help. She used to love to rub my face in the fact that I was nothing in everyone's eyes and that she didn't have the social problems I had. My parents thought she was some kind of saint partially because she read alot and I didn't. She eventually turned against them and they were hurt by it, but I have absolutely no pity for them. I always knew it would happen and they deserved the pain they got.

My life didn't get better until I was able to get away from their toxic influences and find places where I could just be me. Now that I can be me, I'm doing better in life. I even have a wife now, something else they were all against, but it's my life to do with as I see fit.

This is only an hypothesis, but ...

Maybe he thought that you fit the stereotype of the quiet, bookish loner who grows up to molest children, commit serial murders, and/or go on a shooting rampage?

That doesn't even qualify as a hypothesis.

Lol. 'Cause everyone knows, quiet loners are incredibly dangerous!

An hypothesis is:

- An idea that has no proof.*
- A suggested explanation for a phenomenon.*
- A provisional idea whose merit requires evaluation.*

In due course, a confirmed hypothesis may become part of a theory or occasionally may grow to become a theory itself.

*My statement meets all three criteria.

I would not be the least bit surprised if people who knew me when I was a teen thought the same of me. I was a total wild child. My mother never inhibited me in any way and I was free to do whatever I wanted. I never asked for much or got into any real trouble and made good grades, so she saw no reason to tell me no. I was defiant and angry, but somehow justified. My own mother didn't tell me what to do and I'd be damned if anyone else was going to do it. I was loud, blunt, totally without fear...and party girl extaordinaire. No doubt people thought I would stay that way. I'm quite the opposite now.

So, were you really that bad? If you were anything like me...yeah, you probably were.

It's implied that a hypothesis should pass basic quality control and contain some level of intelligence, something your statement clearly lacks.

That was rather unnecessarily blunt of your cousin. O_o And people say that Aspies lack tact. Sheesh!

Probably a lot of people would think (if not say) the same thing about me now, actually. Even though it's certainly not flattering that they saw me in such a light, I do know that at a certain point in my case I had something to do with it - once I knew people thought of me as a potential Columbine copycat, I played the part, what with the trench coat and the dark-themed music and all that, because it meant people wouldn't bully me as much. Also, now that I'm older, if anyone said that to me, I could rub it in their face - here's the person they thought would do something crazy, or at least wouldn't be able to function in normal society, and probably in most cases, I'm going farther and doing better than they are. It says a lot for me that I've improved as much to be where I am now, rather than having confirmed the expectations of the people around me.

I don't blame you if you don't see it on the same terms I do - your situation is probably quite different than mine. But it seems that you've not proven this person's suspicions right, so that's an accomplishment in and of itself!

And on a side note, I do think that Fnord's suggestion is a valid hypothesis. He doesn't necessarily support or condone the reason he suggests (somehow I doubt he does), it's just unfortunately the way many "normal" people think - partly because of incidents like school shootings, partly because of media exaggeration and just partly because most people are wary around people who don't meet their definition of normal. Just because the reaction a lot of people have to such people is unintelligent or wrongheaded doesn't mean that the possible explanation itself is.

I've also been looked upon as a criminal in the making when I was a kid. I have no clue why some people make snap judgemnts about people but it happens all the time! We can't all be cookie-cutter people! I turned out a lot better than people probably thought I should all things considered. Too bad if I don't measure up (or down) to others' expectations! Hopefully, the same can be said for you!

Your cousin should apologize for saying that about you though. It was defintely blunt & tactless!

As a child it took me a while to reign in my temper and gain empathy, so I think everyone expected me to turn out bad. I didn't at all and I never get in trouble.

I don't know what kind of kid you were or what exactly your cousin meant by that, but I've found that NTs are quite suspicious of us...I think because our facial expressions and tone often come out wrong, we seem to be a bit "off" and make people think you're not right in the head. I see people look at me sometimes like...there is something wrong with that girl.

But also I think Fnord could be right, when you're a bit of a loner people start to think you'll be one of those who shoot up a mall or plant bombs, since those people generally are loners. So maybe that was your cousin's thinking, he perhaps didn't think you were badly behaved.