Disturbed by knowing what people are thinking and vice versa

Post Reply New Topic

I have a big problem with feeling like people know what I'm thinking or knowing what they are thinking. It's not like a schizophrenic thing - I don't think we're literally in each other's minds, but it makes me feel invaded or furious that people are being transparent to me. I can't seem to get past this, and I feel like it really impairs me. The closer I am to a person, the more it bothers me, probably because we know each other's thinking patterns better. For example, my mom used to yell at me all the time to speak up and make eye contact when I met somebody. This made it ten times worse when I met somebody in front of her, because if I did as she asked I knew she'd be thinking "she's listening to me and making an effort to speak up and make eye contact" - the fact that she knows why I'm doing what I do fills me with shame and the sense of being invaded. It makes no sense. If my mom isn't there, I can easily do the introduction. I perform best when I don't know anybody, but when I'm with people I know I never fluctuate in my personality because if I do I know they will be thinking of how I'm trying to act a certain way, and I can't deal with that. It's gotten better with age, but I still hate when I know what others are thinking . If someone is obviously showing off or trying really hard to get attention, like saying "*sigh* my life SUCKS *throws down backpack*" I refuse to play along because I can see so clearly what theyre thinking and how theyre acting - if I know them well enough I get snappy and say "way to show off/get attention" etc. It makes me really cranky and uncomfortable and angry, and it's one of the only times I'm rude. I don't know why. I just hate being able to anticipate people's reactions and having them know why Im behaving as I am. I probably didn't explain it very well - but does anyone else know what I m talking about?

I dislike getting to know people really well because I think, after they have known me longer than a day, they get these ideas about me and share them and that ruins things for me.

You probably just have psychic ability. Either that or you are schizophrenic.
Have you practiced using your intuition? It's just like any other skill that you have to refine and practice, practice, practice.

http://www.irva.org/

I know what you're talking bout, particularly with peoples' expectations of you. But I'm more inclined to resent it when people think they know me...and the behavior which that somehow psychologically locks me into.

I think I know what you're talking about, but I can't describe it any better than you did, or explain why. I would add that I hate doing just about anything in front of people, and even more so in front of people I know. Like -- waitressing. I tried that for about two days when I was a kid. Never again. It's the most disgusting, degrading job in the world. Thirty years later, I still shudder when I think of it. I'll go to a restaurant if forced, but I never enjoy it, because I can't imagine how these people could be happy in their jobs. Is this anywhere close to what you're saying?

I used to be the same way. I was very inclined to be bothered by what others thought of me, especially when they thought they knew me and really didn't. That's something I've seen a lot, btw.

I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I don't really control what they think or feel. There's really no way of telling beyond a shadow of a doubt what is going through their head, and they'll think I'm a little wierd anyway.

The important thing to remember is to be real. You have to be true to yourself no matter what others think or say. You are the only person that has to live with you, not them.

It's not that I'm really bothered by people judging me - it depends on what they're judging. It's more I hate people knowing why I'm acting a certain way in the moment, like there's no privacy. It's not that I'm mad they think they got me figured out - it's that they do have me figured out and that makes me really upset. Idk how to explain it.

No one can figure me out. Most are too corrupt to stretch their imagination that far.
If they did, they would be offended by my existence.

On second thought, a few people do understand me sometimes, and it's a relief.
So I guess I'm your opposite?

It knows what you're saying, and finds that irritating as well.

The thing with your Mom is just that you know that she is judging you. I cant stand being "watched" and knowing that people are judging me. Its actually stage fright that you are feeling. I was a Phlebotomist for many years and I hated it when I had to draw someones kid and they were standing over me...."did you get it??? did you get it???"..........AHHHHHHHH!

I know what you mean. It's intrusive, patronising.

I definitely know what you mean... I think the elusive concept you're trying to explain is exactly why it's so hard for people to be close. If behavior is very predictable, it's annoying, especially when people keep making the same mistakes. If it's unpredictable, then it's annoying in a different way.