Comparing intensity of AS traits

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I would like to know if you also encounter problems while trying to compare your AS traits to the analogical in others - I mean, I find it very hard to judge if some trait in me may be called intensified or if some others are weak if measured and compared to other people's. I simply can't judge myself - it takes me a lot of effort.

Maybe it's because I never met someone with AS in real life because it's not the same what talking to people online and reading their descriptions on forums. Has it ever happened to you that you had thought some of your traits were weak in comparision to others or on the opposite and it wasn't until you were confronted with them and informed (or you realized it on your own) your opinion about it was very far from reality?

Absolutely. We all experience the world and life with different degrees of intensity than each other. And even in ourselves, we can have stronger or weaker responses depending on stress level, health, etc. It has been confusing and mistifying when I compare what I've experienced with what others have and I've realized that there are enough comonalities that we share to make the discussion worthwile and helpful.

Z

Compeering topic

(I fuse ideas/words!)

AS and Autism are spectrum differences. Thus, one person's traits and abilities will be different from another's. This includes a person's intellectual prowess. I am amazed at all the extremely bright mensa quality individuals contributing to this web site. My intelligence is only in the average range. For me to understand some of the teens writing here really stretches my thinking.

I strongly agree with what has been said. I continue to be caught totally off guard when family and friends point out some behavior of mine that is much more pronounced/intense than I would have thought. I have started to really like the word Pervasive. Maybe my traits are strong or maybe they are mild but they are certainly pervasive.

Traits are also so complex, despite their simplified descriptions. I stim in many, many ways and at my age have developed lots of strategies so that my stims don't attract attention. So are they a heavy trait or a light trait? Are they stronger than someone else's or weaker? It's confusing to think about it!

One way I try to cut through the confusion is to just think in terms of how much or how little a problem a trait is for my life. That can be a complicated question too, but it has generally been a little more useful.

I'm also amazed how bright ppl seem to be on these forums. I do compare myself too much with ppl. I even compare myself with ppl online and wishing I was smarter. Lately at my job, I've been feeling more insecure with this AS because now I don't know what's normal and what is. I'm trying to accept that I have this and I can't change that. Before I got diagnosed or knew what AS was, I tried so hard to be as social as some of the other NT. I didn't know why I couldn't, I did find one strength and that was I could be very friendly but never good at relationships. I think I'm also better at being responsible because I'm not busy socializing on the phone. I've seen a lot of that during working hours. I also try to stand my ground when someone wants me to work their shift. I used to say yes a lot because I felt worthless, I try not to do that now. Ok, I probably said a little too much. Yes, there's a lot of smart ppl on this forum and I don't just mean ppl who are book smart. A rainbow of brilliance.

my fire agate obsession is really starting to warm up. i can really tell its going to be around for awile
i would rate my obsessions as follows fire agates, rocks, meteorites, sportscards, music

I've thought a bit more about your question, Irulan. You also bring up the question of self-awareness. A major aspect of autistic spectrum differences is having difficulty imagining how other people might think, or think about us. We sometimes have an inability to put ourselves in someone else's mind. That is why when they have a different opinion (particularly of us) we are surprised.

I've learned to try to reserve strong opinions about myself until I've found out what others think of me. This takes an evaluation process. I don't agree with everything they say, but I try to consider what they say even if I their opinion is negative.

It's very, very difficult for me to guess what they may think of me And speaking of being suprised by other people's opinions I recall that when I was 10-11 my mother and I used to borrow video films every weekend. We were borrowing two films every time and each of us chose one - while mine always belonged to science fiction or horror genre my mother prefered romantic stories instead. I was shocked - how could it be possible that one likes such a s**t and doesn't like s-f? It was completely unimaginable for me to put myself in my mother's mind then or for that matter in anybody's mind to comprehend other's tastes different than my own.

Has that changed over time for you?

Z

Oh, it's good you're asking about it - I realized that over time I overcame this problem and now I'm VERY good at simulating other people's points of view - I'm not sure how to explain it to be fully understood but even though I still can't get rid of that feeling like "how can it be that others don't like what I like" on the level of subconsciousness, by using logical reasoning I can "slide" into minds of people (I become them in some sense) because there's a level of thinking and perceiving reality common for all the humanity; its representatives react to the same kind of stimuli, the basic way they think is the same (here I would compare it to the Borg drones - particular parts of the whole organism). I know a person - I catch the shreds of that person's personality and having acquired them I create a picture of his/her thinking style on the basis of the shreds in my mind. And now I create a mental picture now; an image of the thinking style and now I'm a passenger inside of that person's mind which discloses its secrets. People are more or less predictable.

i undersand what you are saying...I am the same way...though I am having difficulty articulating examples of how.

I also have no concept of what people must think of me..and since I most often have negative self esteem, I often assume I am disliked....

I find myself comparing my traits to everybody else's traits, here and I feel like a dim light, sometimes. :O)

And that, my dear Borg Queen, is the beauty of logic and intelligence! You have a rare gift that most others do not possess.

Z

I always realized exquisitely well there was something different about me which every time others presented behaviour lacking logic at my presence was making me flabbergasted that they ever could behave in such a strange manner. However I was perceiving myself superior to them, on the other hand for me intelligence mixed with pure beauty of logic was a thing as natural as breathing and I was unable to accept the truth people surrounding me were usually deprived of them in higher or lower degree. I must add I wasn't brought up in an "intellectual" house, I was never encouraged to developed intelligence - I mean, my mother was very proud of me but in the same time she was lethally sensitized to things out of norm, unable to accept her daughter-freak. Recently I was watching this famous short film "Stupid Americans" on Youtube and when, having translated it to my mother I asked her if she would like to exchange her smart but weird daughter for a normal chick whose knowledge of the world is like in people from said film (asking her for a SINCERE answer) she said she would.

Irulan,

PLEASE give us the URL to the video you watched. I TRIED to find it, but there are TOO MANY! This one:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=q566ys0sqVQ

Seems to be, at least partly, a spoof. I have to say, though, that there are LOTS of shows here, like "street smarts"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ldPkbdVBk-Q

Most are WORSE, but I wonder how many are staged, or cherry picked.

Oh well, some, even today, like polish people are stupid. I'm certainly not saying they are right, because they aren't, but it shows how nobody is safe from such beliefs.

I, too, have had family members who did not understand or approve. I came to the conclusion that their words could only hurt me if I let them. I still have affection for my family members, but I try to not let their attitudes affect my well-being. I hope you can do the same.

Z

Last edited by Zonder on 07 Mar 2008, 7:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.