Existential depression or something else

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Over the last few months, I have had this nagging thought about life, love and everything in between. It started when I was admitted at a psych ward last year. I began ruminating on the concept of reality and how people view it. You could say that I have become a cynic, but this is just the way I view life. I don't "get" why people want to get married, have kids etc. Having kids is pointless. Sure, you get to pass on your genes, but at the end, you die. Your unique genetic combination is lost forever! I don't feel "real" anymore. Does anyone have a similas view as I do?

Would it be any more or less meaningful if you were immortal?

Life is what you make it. There is a frame around your life. Now put a picture in it.

QFT

Life would have no meaning if every moment wasn't precious and irretrievable.

Well in the end everyone dies, so I suppose maybe life is about finding what you enjoy...but even that sometimes can seem rather pointless. But hey you gotta find some way to occupy yourself if you want to keep going in life and have any amount of sanity. So yeah I guess i can kind of agree, and yeah its hard to really move on once you really realize this.

Lazenca_x, I had almost the exact same thoughts about life when I was younger. Hearing about my life at that time is like reading the biblical book of Ecclesiastes ("Meaningless, meaningless, says the teacher.")

It's like, you're born, you spend every waking second in school (or homework), and for what? So you can go to work every day in a job that rots your mind? So you can get a house, a car, and 2.5 kids who you mostly ignore? And then when you're done, you retire. Then you're just waiting to die.

So believe me, I get it.
Do you want to hear my thoughts on the meaning of life?

I think most of the people who think this don't actually have this. I love my job. I love my house. I love my car. I love my kids. I have a healthy nest-egg earning 15% annually so I will be loving retirement one day. Life is gooooooood

@ chrisvulcan yeah, go for it.

It sounds like you are facing the reality that you are mortal. Some people overcome this with their religious faith. Not everyone wants to have kids or get married; there is nothing wrong with that. But, it is very fulfilling for others and gives them a special purpose in their lives.

I had a child that lived for a short period of time. During that time I had more concern for the child than myself; it was a liberating feeling to me. I didn't understand why people wanted to have kids until I experienced it. After this I realized I was not going to have children, and I started questioning the value of my existence and what my ultimate purpose was.

Everyone dies, but the impact they make in the world lives on whether it's having children or doing something as simple as smiling at someone or taking care of a pet or plant. And, unfortunately it can also be a negative impact. We never get to know the full impact that our lives made in the world, but it is one thing that can give our lives purpose.

My child didn't live, but I decided that his life would always have meaning if I lived a better life because of it.

The reality of having kids and death makes it possible for us to have a unique genetic combination that sets us apart from others and allows us to make a unique contribution to the world, however small or large it may be.

These existential thoughts are often brought on by depression and colored by the depression. I had a much easier time dealing with them or putting them out of my mind when I was busy in life and not depressed. The feeling of not being real may have more to do with the state of mind associated with depression than the thoughts themself, if you are experiencing depression.

I haven't felt like this ever. I do feel like I'm not real. I find the concept that other people have their own lives very difficult to swallow. I have schizophrenia, so that could be the reason for these strange ideas.

That sounds likely. Talk to your doctor about adjusting your meds.

I agree w/talking to your doctor if you have a good one. If you don't have a good one get a new one.

Sounds kinda like depersonalization but I don't know you and I'm not a doctor. So it's best to go see one if you can.

I don't think your ideas in the first post were strange. Those kind of thoughts probably pass through the mind of many people at one time or another in their life.

Not feeling real and difficulty swallowing the concept that other people having their own lives seems like the hard part.

This does sound like it could be related to the schizophrenia. It could be medication related, so it probably is a good idea to talk to your doctor about it. If you are looking for support and understanding from people who may have similiar issues with schizophrenia you might find others with similiar issues in the discussion group for people with mental illnesses like schizophrenia.

Thanks.

I only have a limited time in order to write this down, so I may have further comments after these.

I think that if you are having doubts as to the purpose of life, you should seek to find answers to your questions. I don't think that this sort of thing should be treated as depression or mental illness. These are questions that need answering.

In my case, ever since I was a kid, I had this nagging sense of pointlessness. My whole life revolved around school. When I asked what the point of school was, the answer was always something along the lines of: "so that you can be educated, get into a good college, get a good job, and be able to support yourself". I knew that I had to have some education n order to sustain my life in the future (or such was the way I made sense of it), but I never felt that I knew what the purpose of my life was. I never understood what I was living for.

I have to go now. Does this help at all?

I actually do not understand the point of kids either. I don't feel like I would understand or like my child even if it was my child. It is weird to me and I see other people happy around babies and I just get so anxious that I am going to have a break down if the thing starts crying. The sound of babies crying makes my head hurt.

I dont think that's schizophrenia. I think it's just the AS mind thought process gone into overdrive because I tend to overthink on this as well. When I see how people treat their spouses and kids, I cant get why people would work their whole lives towards that. It seems at times that most people will become parents just to have someone that can feel superior to for 18 years.

I'm already an adult that lives with my parents I just don't know why I would want to work towards being stuck at home again only in a different role. Yet society does like to paint a pretty picture of this life don't it. Not that I don't find it terrible but it's hard to believe that that is what so many many stride to reach for with their lives. Marriage and children shouldnt be treated as goals. They should be treated more as a passion that happens when you least expect it.

Anyway to avoid getting ahead of myself here I can also relate to the lack of seeing other people having lives. Heck I lack the ability to see that other people are human for that matter.

thanks for the replies, everyone! I'm unable to visualise other peoples lives, as well as the fact that they have emotions and urges of their own. The issue here is that I view myself as a separate entity, far removed from the rest of humanity. I guess that it should be obvious that everyone has emotions, but I find it difficult to imagine people with their own lives when I'm not around.