language,not answering posts and all sorts of stuff

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I cannot stand to hear my name out loud. Can't even explain why except it hurts my ears. Its startling. Unsettling. At doctors offices etc, I jump up as fast as I can just so they don't call it again. Ugh. I don't mind my name. Thats not it. Its hearing people SAY it that bothers me and gives me creepy feelings.

I can't speak for Daniel or KingdomOfRats but using the words "I" and "mine" seem almost like a painful lie. This is less of an issue when relating to the body e.g. I went to London is not really a problem. The problem is with more abstract things like saying "I" am happy or "my" puzzles. In those cases there "is happiness" and there are "puzzles" the problem is associating an owner to those those feelings. The feelings just are. They do not belong to something or someone called "I".

There is a similar disassociation with my body. I see "my" face in the mirror each morning when "I" shave. The face has changed over the years but there has never in my life been a feeling "that is me". The body is almost like another layer of clothing - there is no "I" about it. This is not a problem. It is only by hearing a lifetime of other people associating their "self" with their body, mind, personality, thoughts etc that I even know that there is such an association.

"Self" as experienced by "me" is vague and with little substance. I guess that is why there is such a strong attraction for Zen Buddhism. It seems to mirror my observations and experiences.

I get obsessed with my own mistakes and end up editing my posts a ridiculous number of times. PMs are hard for me. I procrastinate in responding because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing or forgetting a key point.

Caitlin (Aurore) used to talk in the third person as well. People always thought she was being silly but it felt very natural for her.

I can use first person, in fact it is my predominant way of doing things now. But I do find self-reference a little strange.

Things have always seemed kind of 'communal' for me. I can understand people having problems with pronouns; it's like stuff doesn't belong to me or other people, and that boundaries are artificial.

I wonder if anyone here has a strong sense of self like I do. maybe I've misdiagnosed myself after all...?

Do you really mean "strong sense of self" or "strong feeling of consciousness"? They are very different. What do you mean by "self"? I ask not in general terms but very specifically. Point out what you call "self"?

Interesting. For me it's problematic, because "I" might be happy, but what parts of "I" are happy and what other emotions about other circumstances are there besides happiness in that "I". When saying "I" I mean the whole "me" and to say "I" am happy is incorrect, unless I cannot fell anything besides happiness.

The first professional I saw thought it was the most mentally disordered state to have several emotions at once. No idea if that's true.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel happy about chatting with friends at a party, annoyed by a stranger who tries to intrude in that conversation, a little irritated by the heat, but fascinated by the décor...

So "I" is happy, annoyed, irritated or fascinated and it would be incorrect and destroying/ignoring those other aspects of "I" if I were to say that "I" is just happy.

There is more of me - and more of others! - than I can catch in 1 word or 1 gesture or 1 picture or 1 tune.

And the other reason is in my second to last paragraph.

I attribute to this that I cannot form an impression of other people like all other people that guides me in the interaction with them. It appears it's hard to understand that I don't have it because I can't do it, while it's as hard for me to understand that others have it -

and that others can totally attribute details to themselves, too.

I just learned characteristics about me by heart hehe



Same here. I was livid as a kid about having a body. I thought it looked cute and was doing fine, but rally, what was it for, I wondered.



To me, it's the other way around (I think?).

I feel strong about "myself" and although I could never tell you how "myself" looks, can't know what is and what is not part of it, I feel totally strong in being me, I feel content and standing with me to the point that I find it painful to exclude known and unknown parts of myself, isolate myself from parts that are not yet myself or exclude those I do not know about.

To define me as a steady and firm "persona" would be eventually be... incorrect.



Just seeing how it can be good to not feel very (emotionally) connected to langauge. I'm using a lot of Is, like most people, it helps being undercover. I don't mind saying just about everything and I don't feel with words, even though I know how most are to be responded to.

Words are like bla bla bla... we could just start meowing for all I think.



Edit: Not as if I knew the difference, but strong feeling of conciousness does ring a bell as opposed to strong sense of self. (Just words hehe)

"I" feel strong about that "I" am (be is more important than "me" being) somewhere, somehow, sometime is what I personally mean, whatever that equates to. Though I know there must be an I that can be... so I'm going to give this up now. I am out of school and out of philosophy class and my former teacher will have my head for this anyway.

well, I'm aware that my body (that I see in the mirror) is my means of transport, so I guess I do identify with it as long as I'm in it.

I do realise that other people are other beings (although I sometimes forget that they don't know what I'm thinking).

I have the sense of attachement to my emotions even if I have problems identifying them.

it's hard to explain... as I told you before TallyMan, I had some trouble with the "emptiness of self" concept and although I understand it perfectly I still on some subconcious level identify with my stream of thoughts and emotions, and to a large extent with my body.

it just seems to be my natural state of thinking and it takes a lot of effort to overcome it.

It's more of a "lower-functioning" thing for individuals to have problems with pronouns and speaking in third person. Whilst some people with Asperger's do have problems with pronouns as children (Hans wrote about it), it's rarely there in adulthood for even the children who had it.

I didn't really speak till I was 4 1/2, and when I did it was in third person and with pronoun problems (I caught up to a level of someone with Asperger's quickly enough over a period of three years or so); the member KingdomOfRats is pretty much nonverbal now (so her level of speech is far below anyone with Asperger's; it's easily understandable why she has problems with pronouns in her writing).

If you score high on the usual online tests (AQ test, "aspie" quiz, etcetera), and the various clinical descriptions out there fit you; you're probably on the spectrum to some extent.

My main thought about this topic is that I never heard of such a thing before. I'm struggling to imagine what in the world it must be like for it to be any different. Does it feel bad, or just normal?

I'm entirely comfortable with seeing myself as "I" and referring to myself as "I" and I can't imagine life without being that way. I live somewhere in my brain, I can almost feel the seat of consciousness.

I heard of "depersonalisation" where the person can feel that they are like a bird on their own shoulder, watching their own body doing everything it does. It's supposed to be quite unpleasant to get that.

Strangely enough I knew a guy who once said that when he really tuned into somebody else's life, feelings and problems, he'd get a strong sensation that he was them.

yep, I pretty much fit all the critieria. never had any problems with language or using personal pronouns, my ToM is slightly lacking at times but I'm quick to notice the mistake.

ToughDiamond, I feel pretty much the same way about it as you. I find it hard to put myslef in a place of someone who has a problem with "self"...

One prefers using "one" instead of "I". But got mercilessly bullied for being "over-formal" by teachers and children. The mother thought it was really cute, but I ended up stopping it soon after I started school.

I'm ok with pronouns for other people, and usually alright with "I" and "my" and the like, but when overloaded they tend to go out the window. It's getting to me right now, typing this post, because the day has been loud and out of routine, and the doctor wont give relaxing pills!

The self thing is a problem. Don't really understand one's feelings at the best of times, and it's usually a multitude of them all mixed together. It overloads me trying to think of what to say they are, so when asked I usually either go "good" or "bad", or "ok".


I've been chastised on this forum occasionally, but now I'm a lot more confident in my opinions so I know they're just ignorant or, well, wrong. Don't tend to get PM-ed, so that's a moot point. Used to worry me, but not really anymore.

Thanks all who have replied so far,am will check into the thread [to properly read and reply to] tomorrow,have had concussion and random vomiting sessions from the usual reason,so its backed up delay on posting even more.

Interesting. Always wondered why KingdomofRats used "am" instead of the usual letter. It's a pretty cute way to write.

Sorry to hear you're feeling unwell, KingdomOfRats.

This thread is very interesting. Thank you for starting it.

By the way, I won't be offended if you don't reply.

That goes for me too, KingdomOfRats. Hope you're feeling better soon.