Bad advice you've received

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What bad advice have people given you in relation to social difficulties?

I think the all-time worst is to ignore bullying and teasing. ''They just want to get a rise out of you...'' So I thought they'd stop if I didn't respond. They never stopped.

What awful advice! Basically, 'Just shut up and take it.'

I agree. I hear that one sometimes, and I think it's stupid to.

"Just ignore them." invalidation
"Maybe they are just abused or they are stressed out." excuse
"Deal with it" blame the victim

Just be yourself.

YEAH!! ! (sarcasm) that one got me real far. Can you believe how little interest grade school kids have in dog training?

......or breeding guppies?

Here are a couple.

1)"Just be myself" (LOL! you wouldn't tell an alcoholic keep drinking alcohol so don't tell me to just be myself because I'll just end up having bad behavior in some form and upsetting people all over again!! !)

2) Elementary School experience I was crying over a medical issue a teacher assistant said "Oh don't worry there are other people like you." (UHH that made me cry more since there was no one else like me!! !) (As an adult I know it's a 1 in 3,000 issue so I know about it more now.

3) While sitting playing my Gameboy the doctor asks my mom "is this all she does?" Mom:yes Doctor:She should try to go with friends to the gym or something,does she have any friends? Mom:No. (He was an orthopedic IMO the fact that I do or don't have friends is none of his buisness.


Those are just a few. Neat topic BTW.

It's a toss-up betwen two lame directives:

"Just be yourself." How can I do that when I don't know who I am? Oh, wait ... let me check my driver's license ... yep, that's me! Now what? Why is it that acting like myself means that I have to act like someone else?

"Be more Christ-like." What kind of Christ? The one who knotted a cord and whipped the money-changers until they left the temple? The one who told the people to let the children come to him? The one who let himself be whipped, beaten, and then nailed to a cross to die in the desert sun?

I think they mean overall attitude. Only under certain circumstances would you whip anybody or sacrifice your life... Anyway, that's more a moral/ethical thing than a social-skills one. Jesus with Asperger's would've been different, and no less divine.

This one's from my last blog post, after I complained about spending two hours on the bus every day and getting too stressed out to go to college:

It's from an anonymous poster (of course) who's apparently fond of comma splices and awkward sentence construction.

The sentiment is, however, an example of the worst advice I've ever received--that is, "You need to have more willpower and just do the things you have to do. Stop moping around and start trying harder."

People who say things like that forget that willpower itself is a limited resource. With autism, trying to will yourself through sensory overload is like trying to dig through a brick wall with a toothpick; there's nothing at all wimpy about trying to find a way around the wall, getting someone to give you a leg up climbing over it, or just walking in another direction and avoiding it altogether.

I don't really recall any "advice" per se- pro'ly because I ignored any good advice and did as I damned well pleased. Lot a good that did.

"Get over it," "Go with the flow," "Ignore them," anything that told me that my experiences and perceptions were invalid and I shouldn't try to better my situation, but just put up with any and all crap that people throw at me as if it were the only purpose of my existence.

Also, any instructions in general that gave me a result to strive for but no forseeable way to get to it.

People tell kids to "ignore them" about their bullies but do they realize words hurt just as much?
Bullying can cause trauma in the future for the child, psychological problems.

Also, telling a kid to tell their bullies how they feel when they get mistreated. Well hello, isn't that the point? Making the person feel bad and if the kid tells their bullies how they are making them feel, they will know they are indeed getting to him or her and the bullying might be worse or more likely they will never stop even if they are being ignored. Why? Because they know they are getting to him/her.

Oh yeah I do agree about telling people "Just be yourself." Be careful who you say that too. You don't want to say it to an aspie because lot of us take it literal. Don't tell that to a jerk either because then you are telling him/her, "Just be a jerk since it's part of you."

Hey that sounds a lot like some of the things I've been hearing people here say to others..

The advice "Just relax" is a big laugh to me.
Every time I get nervous around new people, which is an uncomfortable situation every time,"Just relax" ain't gonna cut it.

yeah when I was picked on, my parents told me to "quit being such a wimp".. well thanks, like that was really helpful

It took me an amazingly long time to learn the actual techniques involved in implementing the "quit being a wimp" thing. It wasn't just not knowing the principles behind exercise. It was the distorted worldview that I was taught. I'm wise enough now to know that if the bullies actually needed to feed off of me, their lives were worthless and I should not contribute.

"They can't hurt you if you don't let them."

"Don't dwell on it." This came from the people who would force the same garbage down my throat every day.

"I think you should marry her."