abusers who target people on the autism spectrum

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Please take a moment to read this article, it might help to keep you out of an abusive relationship.

http://www.scn.org/people/autistics/abuse.html

I've ben sexually abused as a child all the time. And it took years to realize that.

Nothing new here, just more propaganda from our enemies disguised to look unbiased, as usual.

You think feminists like aspies any more than anybody else does? You think anybody cares about somebody they intensely dislike? Have you noticed that anybody believes what an aspie says, especially when they don't like the aspie's gender?

"Something about that guy I don't like, and I can always tell about people."

Maybe just once they'll tell the truth, "If you can figure out how to grow tits, just say the magic word 'abuse,' and you'll get anything you want."

canyon wind wrote:

Huh!? Do you realize that the article is to help people on the autism spectrum avoid being abused by people that target them, because of our social issues we are the perfect victims for the types that pretend to be the 'normal just a nice guy or girl' because they can often make it appear as though they are the victim rather than the abuser.

I have been in one of these relationships and if I would have had this information years ago it would have saved me from having to live through hell with a man that used my vulnerabilities against me and from what I have since learned about him he specifically targets autistic women that are high functioning, overly logical and intelligent.

Thank you for posting. I didn't read the whole thing because it was boring, but from what I read I saw the article addressed the cases where the abuser is aware of the victim's autism, targeting them specifically for that reason (something I never even considered). In my case, I feel like I'm extremely vulnerable because of the very traits that make me autistic, but that abusers are not aware that there's actually a condition, a label attached to my quirky behavior. They just think I'm weird and clueless about what's socially acceptable and what's not, making me more vulnerable to their abuse and guilt trips. I'm often blamed for things, manipulated into thinking that I'm the one being abusive, just like mentioned in the article. I can never see the red flags until it's too late and I fall for it every time. It makes me very sad.

It's only in the last ten years I've understood enough about autism to realise I fall into the spectrum, after three very abusive, long term relationships. I believe that sociopathic type personalities specifically target those they perceive as weaker as it makes their job a lot easier. This was long before the internet where people could specifically search for a target group, I think that's why most of us choose to be as anonymous as possible on the net.

Even psychologist are tricked by these types of people, so people like us really have to be aware of 'red flags'. Two books I'd highly recommend (and wish I'd read years ago) are The People of the Lie, by M Scott Peck, and The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. Both an excellent education in how these types of people really operate.

I am not quite sure what to make of this. I have experienced abuse, not just by men, if you are implying it's only women who accuse men of abuse in order to get attention or gain sympathy. I think anyone can suffer abuse regardless of neurology or gender and I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about it.
Men can be in emotionally abusive relationships. Often they are not allowed to discuss it because of stereotyped male behaviour expectations.
I don't put the blame on one gender because I have experienced the ugly side of both and both can be just as bad as the other.
What I suggest is bailing at the first sign of abuse and getting back together if it can be resolved. If it keeps happening over and you can't deal with it, might be a good idea to distance yourself from the situation.
I don't understand why some get so defensive about this topic.

I have a hard time forcing myself to read articles that bore me too.. I do it in stages until I get all the way through it.

I think that our quirky behavior is what they look for rather than the autistic label, maybe they don't even realize why they are so attracted to us, maybe our vulnerabilities make them feel powerful or in control, that is probably why I try to so hard to hide my quirkiness in public, so I end up coming across as arrogant and aloof most of the time and people are shocked if they get to know me, I can't count all of the times people have said to me "wow your not a b*!@h at all, you are actually really nice".

I end up being the scapegoat a lot too and I don't know how to even stick up for myself when it happens, because it seems like you should be able to see how ridiculous the accusations are, if you are logical, guess I need to remember that most people are not logical.. not that that would help me get out of being blamed for things as when someone says something illogical while blaming me for something, my thoughts get caught in a loop and my mouth won't work at all

It makes me very sad too, that not only would someone be so cruel, like I have no value, but then to be blamed for it too (especially when they get other people to treat you poorly because they think you are the abusive one), but what I have found is that they actually turn it around in their mind and convince themselves that they are the victim.

wish I had some easy answer as how to not get in these situations, unfortunately it is the way the world works for now and all we can do is educate ourselves (this article is a good place to start) and also we need to stop letting people make us feel bad about who we are.. I am fine and if you don't like my traits then you can leave (and then we need to be okay with the fact that most will leave)

You are so right about the psychologists being fooled by them and the ones that aren't fooled don't stay their Doctor for long as they will keep searching until someone believes their BS
This is the 2rd time this week I have seen these two books recommended and the third time this month, I think I need to take that as a sign and go order them.. THANK YOU!!

WTF?! How do you suppose that happens?
Sorry- not buying a word of it.

The rest of the article is... well, it just seems somewhat vagely alarmist.

How what happens?

It might seem vaguely alarmist because it is talking about a specific type of abuser that is really hard to spot.. but if I remember right it also makes an effort to differentiate between normal relationship stuff and red flags.

How on the one hand "we" take issue with the fact that "NT's" don't recognize us, and on the other hand they are able to "target" us and single us out for abuse.
Not saying it can't happen, but I'm just a tad skeptical is all.
Ok- I'll say it: It's another victim-oriented piece of crap. The author calls it an "article" which has the sound of authenticity when it is, in fact merely a blogged opinion on a free website with nothing behind it. It's like a piece of theater set design: Looks good from the front but upon closer inspection it's two-dimensional; all cardboard, paint and lighting.

Last edited by NocturnalQuilter on 04 Dec 2008, 1:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Came across that article couple months ago.

Hmmmm.

Allright, so men don't talk much about abusive relationships?

Then I'll be the exception. Might not be what you think, though.

02-03. Was with a woman. Crankster. Alky. Easy way to describe her personality is to get an abnormal psych textbook, turn to the table of contents, and just go down the grocery list--it'd be like her biography. One truly messed-up girl. We fought like cats-and-dogs. Constantly. I kicked her out (my place) 4 times by my count. Six by hers. We split the difference at 5. lol. She tried every dirty trick in the book to shatter me, to gain control. Never worked, just made me dig in my heels even harder, and pissed her off even more (if that was possible). Eventually, just got exhausted by the whole mess, kicked her out again, moved, and changed my phone #. That did the trick, and haven't seen her since.

Now, oddly, I DON'T entirely blame her. She was screwed up beyond repair, true, but she never really hid who she was. If there was fault there, it was very much mine as well as hers. Takes two to tango, and I could've booted her at any given moment. I paid the bills, after all.

Now, you may well ask; why?

I just don't know. lol.

Maybe it was some sort of self-flagellation. Maybe I had an unconscious desire to play a real life role in a Tennessee Williams dramatic piece. Maybe I was trying to "save" her. Maybe I was just bored. Sure wasn't the sex, cuz she was the absolute worst partner I ever had, hands down. You simply cannot imagine the pathology there. Just stunningly bad. The truth is that I actually laugh about the thing now, even though when I was in it, waking up was a realization like this; "Oh. no. I'm awake. What sort of nightmare crap am I gonna have to deal with today?"

Do I think she targeted me as an aspie? Not likely. I had no idea myself at that time. Might she have targeted me as someone who was possibly susceptible to manipulation and exploitation? MUCH more likely.

So much for male stereotypes. It might just be that we tend to see such stuff in a far less distressing light. After all, I put up with it, didn't I? Difficult, if I'm gonna be honest, not to blame myself for it too.

I just wrote you a reply based on what you said here, but have decided to erase it and just say that you have a right to your opinion.. but I do wonder why it bothers you so much

Sociopaths get defensive whenever anyone brings up abuse. If you want to find out if someone you have met has sociopathic tendencies bring up abuse and see how they react. If they can talk about it without squirming and getting pissy and think it's not appropriate and don't make excuses for it, you can conclude such a person is most likely, not sociopathic.
Someone who makes a bunch of excuses or seems to think it's okay or just a front to gain something, that's a red flag to me.

One thing about sociopaths is that they are truly the best manipulators. They are so manipulative most have an outstanding opinion of them, even after they find out things about them. Instead of condemning their behaviour, people who are taken in by their false charm will often defend them, and condone it. What a travesty!
I'd say to people who fall for it to wise up. Don't be fooled by the sweet talkers, unless they really are sweet, lols.
Another thing about sociopaths is they are very common. We all know of one but don't realize it...
Another interesting thing to consider...what if you find yourself liking someone you just met a bit too much and you cannot explain why... What if that person is a sociopath and that's why you like them so much. Maybe the fact that you just met them and yet it seems like you have known them your entire life and you find them so likeable without really knowing anything about them is an indication they could very well be sociopathic.
Which brings me back to the OP topic...
I don't think I am susceptable to sociopathic charm. The reason is I never instantly like someone upon meeting them. I was more like that as a teenager when I had to go to school nearly every day of my life but now that I have an amount of alone time I am not a needy person and am much more indifferent to strangers.

Exile, you were fortunate that you were not fooled or that she didn't hide who she was.

I have no problem telling the straight up psychos to take a hike, I can be very assertive. What got me was that my psycho was very covert about what he was doing, he pretended to be the greatest guy you have ever met, he takes great care in making sure that his image stays perfect, but it was all just a show. By the time I figured out what he was doing (covertly sabotaging every aspect of my life) I was trapped, and that is when the abuse started, I didn't even suspect that the reason everything that had worked for me up to the time I met him, suddenly went wrong, was because of him, it took me years to figure out what he was doing and the strangest part is that he was doing it because he was afraid of losing me, wanted to make sure I needed him.

I went from a strong, independent, successful loved by my friends and family woman to utterly confused about why I suddenly couldn't function in this world, he took away bit by bit every thing I relied on to function and made me feel like it was my fault and up until he came around I had just been lucky and he did it all in the most helpful nice way (nice guys still scare me).. and I wasn't the first woman he destroyed in the same way, his first wife still hasn't recovered from what he did to her and she still has no idea that it was him and not her

I am now stronger than ever and I doubt that any one could fool me know (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right), but he still hasn't given up on trying to win me back (he has conveniently forgotten everything he did, even though he at one point owned up to it and said that he had changed).. I just want to help other people avoid going through what I did and I want all of the autistic people on this site to know that we are not useless, my parents didn't treat me as though I was disabled and I functioned exceptionally well until someone came along and redefined my traits as problems.. we are not dysfunctional just different.