Assertiveness Training -- Any wimps out there?

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Does it work? I'm not asking whether it makes you feel better.
Happy-sappy talk only annoys me.
Has it somehow changed your real-world situation?

I once joined a workshop of several sessions on assertiveness. As everything I do and have faith in, I applied my new knowledge and tool as taught on the course. Boy was it a disaster! I learned the hard way that assertiveness is a bad tool. If they're above you, you'd better use passive-aggressive. And if they're below you, you'd better use direct aggressivity. Anything else is considered inappropriate in society.

Have to ask someone else.

I don’t know how to be assertive until I start to lose my cool. I have a quiet, gentle, graceful demeanor but some people seem to take this as a cue that they can take advantage of me. Then when they try it I unexpectedly blow up in their face. I hate dealing with people.

Assertiveness training is much like other training. If you can become assertive, you can likely learn it from a book (provided that is your learning style). But if ya ain't gonna be assertive, ya ain't gonna be assertive, no matter what kind of training -- at least IMHO.

i didnt even know there was such a thing as assertiveness training. but ya i do have problems trying to be assertive, unless im drunk

Maybe I should make a t-shirt for myself that says "Everything I know about assertiveness I learned from the Dog Whisperer". I have applied what I have seen on the tv show to my wildlife encounters. When I meet a bear or mountain lion, "calm and assertive" is my mantra. So far it has worked. You can't run (stimulates the prey drive), but you have to communicate that you are potentially big trouble for them. Somehow I can do it with animals. People are another matter. If the people are not trying to avoid trouble, they will create it no matter what. Guess that's why I spend so much time on the trail!

One thing I have had to learn the hard way is to say "no" when you really do not either want to do something for someone else, or just simply can't. Here is an example..If you are say working on a project at home and all of a sudden your neighbor needs your help, you don't have to interrupt your work to help the neighbor. You just plain out say "I am sorry, this is not a good time, but perhaps someone else on the street can help you out". In the past I would have put my project that I really wanted to complete on hold and help the neighbor anyway regardless of your feelings.. then you have a feeling afterwards that you were a wimp for saying "yes I'll help" while you were focused on doing something that you needed to do yourself.. being assertive does not always mean "aggressive". It means standing up for your needs and wants.

I think it's a stupid idea sent out by those who have "good" social skills in order to try to get those wihtout them to change.

So what if I don't get what I want? We rarely do. It just makes those who cannot speak up even more frustrated.

I like the ideas that come out of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) instead. They have a whole module on Social Interatcion which does not have anything to do with being assertive. Rather being EFFECTIVE. People who have no social clue often go overbaird when they start to decide they are going to get what they deserve. Dangerous.

HEre is a link. It's so effectgive they are using it on prisoners and people with Borderline.

http://www.behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm

The only assertiveness training I've ever taken was in the Navy, although they called it "Leadership" training.

In the case of anyone being in a 'lower' rank, I REALLY try to act and be equal, I don't agree with that. Had to lol when in debate team one of the people on the team talked about how he has seniority, he should get this seat or the lower guy had to give the seat. I was like 'WTF', and how could he say that, saying our team was equal and there isn't much of a rank. He said something of the lines of "this isn't affirmative action". lol as the guy is hispanic. In hindsight, it is understandable as he was also on the Football team, a LOT of the original debate team also did football and other sports. BTW, I was one of the original team members, so it's not as if I was in a 'lower' rank or anything..