Aggression... Does it cause self-destructive behavior?
Sometimes I feel so angry at the world, and I start taking it out on myself. I start punishing myself out of anger, by complete self-neglect, and totally ignoring everything that matters in the world. (Job, school, everything) Basically I feel like I'm committing suicide in an indirect way.
Is this caused by some form of aggression? Is it common with autism?
Well, I've been angry at myself, if that's what you're asking, enough to be self-destructive.
I think it is a universally human thing, really, not typically autistic but something that just about anyone might do when frustrated or angry. Self-neglect is common in depression (which can include irritability, by the way); and lots of people will sabotage their own success because they don't feel they deserve it. And perfectionists can get so scared of failure that they'll avoid trying, and fail anyway, because that way they avoid the possibility of learning that they weren't capable of success in the first place. (I've done that.)
But make sure you are making the distinction between things you could have done, and avoided success because of fear or anger; and things that really truly are hard for you because of Asperger's. Often times people tell us that we are not trying hard enough and that it is all our fault because we are lazy; but it turns out that trying harder simply doesn't work, because it just means repeating methods already proven to be the wrong ones. Sometimes you have to work with AS instead of trying to brute-force your way through it.
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I'm not quite sure I'd say it's 'caused' by aggression. I think aggression is the symptom that's revealing something else going on. I notice aggression and depression as being common with autism, but I don't think that means you need to think you could be doomed by either. It is possible to live life with a general feeling of contentment and joy, but it's impossible to expect that there will never be days when aggression or depression drop in for some unwelcome visits (just don't let them spend the night).
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"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2
Aggression as such is based on a feeling of helplessness. It's a kind of last resort. When everything else fails, we start to get aggressive.
Aggression against yourself may have different reasons, depending on several details. One thing for example is the question, if you feel "responsible" for those depressions or think, that it's other peoples responsibility.
For some people the pain (real pain by hurting yourself or indirect pain by destroying things you like) is a kind of "deserved punishment". So they feel better, because they think they got what they earned.
For others to punish themselves is just an easy way to punish the people who love them. Often parents. They can't punish them, so it's a "Look, you love me, so I can punish you by punishing me"
Sometimes it's just a way to get attention.
And that's only a few of those psychological mechanisms that may lead to it. There are more and some are more typical to people on the spectrum (Especially people on the spectrum tend to be aggressive against themselves instead of hitting others)
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Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before (E.A.Poe)
