hurtful comments by neighbour friend.

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I go walking and hang out with a malke neighbour a couple of doors down from me. I have had my driver licence for four months and in that time had a couple of minor accidents. I ran into another neighbours brick letter box leaving a lined dint. I was going very slow and didnt hit it hard. It is annoying but the garage guy said that most P platers (newly licenced) and some full licenced drivers do that kind of thing at least a couple of times in the first months of driving career.

To make matters worse I arrived at the garage to pick up the car only to discover that it wasn't ready. They lent me a huge station wagon, I was running late for my talk to ASSN, got lost and had too much to do also clouding my judgement. I took a wrong turn and given I hadnt driven a station wagon before didnt leave enough room to turn around crashing into the side of a parked car. I am not alone all inexperienced drivers have done similar stuff and there were contributing factors.

Anyway my neighbour Michael keeps making hurtful comments both when it happened and tonight when we went for a walk and I told him my grandma had very kindly offered to give me her car as she cant drive anymore. Tonight he was saying that “if you had two prangs in the time you have had your licence I would be worried” or that “it is a risk and better to take public transport”. On the night of the accident with the other car he said “oh what have you done now or how many accidents have you had an you have only your licence a short time”. Not only are they wrong they are hurtful. I am not upset by my minor setbacks why should I be but I am hurt by his negativity. Any suggestions on how to handle it?

It's likely that your neighbor is simply concerned... Those comments don't sound malicious to me. Perhaps slightly insensitive, because you are quite right, minor accidents happen to many new drivers. But it strikes me that he was merely concerned and/or perhaps surprised to hear of the accidents. He's likely concerned for your safety and is trying to be neighborly by expressing that concern.

My suggestion would be to just continue with your attitude of not being upset by minor setbacks, tell him you appreciate his concern but that you are improving as a driver. Hopefully he will leave it at that.

Give it a little while, hopefully with no more accidents, and if he continues to make disparaging comments about your driving ability tell him that his comments are undermining your confidence and are hurtful. But for now, I don't think there is a major issue if that is all that has transpired so far.

It is possible he meant it that way I am not entirely sure but the wayi t was said seemed to me baring in mind I am aspie that it was kind of down putting or saying I am a bad driver. I dont normally let minor setbacks get to me it would have been different had I hurt someone, been driving a lot faster or broken road rules none of which I did. You are right if it wasnt being hurtful it was definitely insensitive most others have been encouraging saying dont worry about it I have hit x or y in my early days too. I am inexperienced not bad.

Catster,

You are LUCKY! I don't think they even let you have so many accidents in the US!

As for me? I have had my license for over 20 years. I KNOW that the most minor of accidents can cost me over $1000! That is about 3% of the average American's pay, and perhaps 5% of the average American's REAL income. FURTHER, insurance is basically a SCAM! They can EASILY charge you as much as $2000 for an accident free year, and INCREASE that by 30% of your accidents cost each year for 3-5 years! In other words, insurance really doesn't pay. If not for the fact that they pay for OTHER drivers, other drivers scam, they represent you in court, and they have basically made it ILLEGAL for the average American to drive without it, NOBODY would buy it. BTW THREE of those problems are CREATED by the insurance industry!

Anyway, because it is SO expensive, I act like my little car is BIG. I rarely have an accident. Of course, sometimes, the stupid rental companies substitute a larger car for the one I want. When they do, I am SCARED!

BTW my behaviour isn't appreciated by others, but better THAT than an accident!

Congratulations on having your liscense in the first place. I Probably will never have one at all.
Don't be discouraged by your neighbor's negative comments.

Same here. All I can think of when I imagine myself driving, is crashing.

I don't think your neighbor meant them in a hurtful way. He is obviously concerned for your safety. By the way does he know you have aspergers?

I never hd any accidents as a new driver, and I have driving a van down..... never driven a car though, just vans and SUVs. I did have a huge number of near misses as a new driver, and ran a red light.... twice I think.

Accidents happen to everyone! In fact I heard from several sources that you are going to have at least one accident in your life once you start driving. I have been driving for over 16 years and I have only had maybe 3, one was my fault because I wasn't able to slow down fast enough in the pouring rain.. and since then I have been afraid to drive in heavy rain. So you are not alone in that... now as far as your neighbor goes, he may have been concerned and said it in an insensitive way. Like it was already said, thank him for his concern and also tell him that you don't want to hear about it anymore.

I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire, but with this kind of (very short) history, I'd be worried, too.

Never having had a liscense, I had a couple of minor accidents in the process of attempting to learn to drive.

Well like I said I am not worried everyone or at least most people have minor accidents or fender benders as they are known in the USA. There were contributing factors in one of them and the other the letterbox anyone can do that. My aunt told me she had five fender benders in her first year. I am a good driver but inexperienced thats all and as time goes on the minor stuff wont happen or will happen rarely. As others have said getting my licence in itself was a HUGE achievement for me and a couple of minor bingles is no biggie at all sure if I had hurt someone or seriously damaged a car then I would worry.

To answer an early question yes he does know i have AS but I think like a lot of people he doesnt fully understand what that really means or entails.

Last edited by Catster2 on 16 Dec 2008, 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I just got called up and told by my uncle that I am Quote a"an excellent driver" I am not upset by a couple of minor bingles hey if you are going to have them it is to be expected in your early driving days.

Last edited by Catster2 on 16 Dec 2008, 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Have you ever gotten professional lessons ?

Yep a lot of them and even my instructor told me that if you dont have 3-4 fender benders as americans call them in the first year then you are lucky. She just told me to learn from any I do have and thats what I plan to do.

Accidents DO happen to everyone. I once lived in a place with a STUPID setup, and I noticed that THREE people were looking at me. I got nervous, turned my wheel a LITTLE too fast and, VOILA, my FIRST accident! The front passenger side of my car, just in front of the cabin, had a nice healthy dent! The next two were because of a car that apparently planned it, by suddenly pulling in front of me while I turned a corner. The next one was because of what I later found was a common insurance scam ploy. One was because of bad breaks. The latest was poor planning on my part. LUCKILY, out of all the cars that hit me, only ONE caused damage. IT tore my front bumper off. I was stopped, and he drove too close! Out of the cars I hit, 4 had damage that was hardly noticable. That WAS in over 20 years though. Only one in the last 12 years.

As far as I am concerned, 3 were insurance scams, 1 was bad brakes(although she DID stop needlessly, and took my insurance company for every dime, though they originally LAUGHED at her LUDICROUS claims.) 1 was STUPIDITY on my part, although I STILL hate the small parking places, and the fact that all those people STARED! Still, ALL were MY fault as far as the insurance company is concerned. As for the people that hit me, I only pursued the one that ripped the bumper off my car.

Still, in the US, you have to be careful.

Catster,

I wish you the best.