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Forsaken
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27 Dec 2008, 11:53 am

I have a friend that tells me things, I have always felt him more of a brother then anything, he has been telling me things I would like or want to hear, things that tells me we are still friends or things may eventually work out fine.

But this woman he is with he tells the opposite things (she does not like me), they plan to marry, I am not sure if what I was originally told was my friend wanting to be honest with me but afraid of his new parter or if I am just boldly being lied too.

Either way if confronted I am sure my old friend would take his mates side on issues turning what was told me in the first place into a lie, especially in his life I am old news and she is new.

Much of what was told me was important too me, now I feel I have lost a friend just because he can not be honest with all around and especially him self.

I also have much trouble understanding or relating to much of this because of my ToM and Aspergers issues so I tend to discard most everything told me instead of just parts unless I am somehow shown actions to prove otherwise.

I must admit at times I have not at times been vary adult about things, that autistic child in me comes out when it comes to matters of heart and I have a hard time relating to these seeming lies, then I have my little meltdowns and at times say childish things that I do not many times mean (as well as he has done his childish things), but I can and do say I am sorry but he never does, funny thing is its that same child like qualities that helped bring me and my friend together in the first place, he has Aspergers as well and we seemed to be able to relate, or we used too, but now I do not know anymore.

Have I lost a friend?

Any Thoughts on the matter?



zghost
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27 Dec 2008, 12:59 pm

Hmm, hard one.
If he has indeed been a good friend, I doubt that has changed. But since he has a girl and they're getting married, it will be different. She will insist on always coming first, and is probably trying to cut back the time he spends with other people.
Assuming he's not a total pushover who will do anything she tells him to, he should still stay your friend. You may have to actually make plans to hang out though, rather than just dropping in randomly like you used to be able to.
Try to play nice with his girl, and hopefully she'll warm up to you.



Forsaken
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27 Dec 2008, 1:18 pm

zghost wrote:
Hmm, hard one.
If he has indeed been a good friend, I doubt that has changed. But since he has a girl and they're getting married, it will be different. She will insist on always coming first, and is probably trying to cut back the time he spends with other people.
Assuming he's not a total pushover who will do anything she tells him to, he should still stay your friend. You may have to actually make plans to hang out though, rather than just dropping in randomly like you used to be able to.
Try to play nice with his girl, and hopefully she'll warm up to you.


No can do, she does not really even know me (nor wants to) yet she does not want me anywhere around.
I am not the only one she is pushing to exit his life, and he seems to want and accept this.
He tells me good things like he wants me around, yet seemingly does what his mate wants.
this confuses me because it seems he would not want to be with someone so controling and insecure.
A loving partner should always be willing to have an open and honest relationship with who they are with
and respect the other persons feelings and needs, unless this is what he truly wants and is just blaming it on her,
and his partner would like it or not accept things if he put his foot down but he does not.
so I do not know what to think or feel or even to beleave.



Fiz
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27 Dec 2008, 1:42 pm

zghost wrote:
Hmm, hard one.
If he has indeed been a good friend, I doubt that has changed. But since he has a girl and they're getting married, it will be different. She will insist on always coming first, and is probably trying to cut back the time he spends with other people.


I understand where you are coming from here but she should not be imposing this on her partner. If she is going to marry him, she needs to learn to respect th fact that he has friends and is entitled to see them. The idea of being with someone like this is to be with them for who they are and not change tham. I would never impose this on my partner and I would get a bit annoyed if any partner of mine imposed this on me. The man sounds like a lapdog to me. I bet she gets to see her friends though, doesn't she? Especially if she wants to have a girly gossip, or a shopping spree, or is she that much of an unbearable, manipulative creature that she has no friends at all and has to control him to gain company....

zghost wrote:
Assuming he's not a total pushover who will do anything she tells him to, he should still stay your friend. You may have to actually make plans to hang out though, rather than just dropping in randomly like you used to be able to.
Try to play nice with his girl, and hopefully she'll warm up to you.


My boyfriend generally informs me in advance if he is having friends over or if he is going out for the evening, the week etc. He doesn't ask me, he tells me, which is fine because I would never stop him doing these things unless we have something specific planned (which is rare if I'm honest). I behave in exactly the same way with him. But I can understand the whole planning thing instead of it being random. This seems to work for most. But I think you need to find out why this girl doesn't like you.

Forsaken wrote:
No can do, she does not really even know me (nor wants to) yet she does not want me anywhere around.
I am not the only one she is pushing to exit his life, and he seems to want and accept this.


Is it that she sees you and his other friends as potential competition for her partner's attention? Some people are very possessive when it comes to stuff like this and whenever you are getting attention, she won't be. Pathetic I know, but that is the mentality of some people.

Forsaken wrote:
He tells me good things like he wants me around, yet seemingly does what his mate wants.
this confuses me because it seems he would not want to be with someone so controling and insecure.
A loving partner should always be willing to have an open and honest relationship with who they are with
and respect the other persons feelings and needs, unless this is what he truly wants and is just blaming it on her.


By the sounds of it, he seems to feel that he is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He obviously loves this attention seeking female but yet doesn't want to lose your friendship and is struggling to reach a balance between the pair of you. As for complying with her, it sounds like he is taking the easy option as he will get far more bother from her if he does not comply. Unfortunately, this means upsetting you and making you feel you take second place. I don't think, going on your last statement, that he is simply blaming it on her because it's what he truly wants. She seems manipulative enough to be the exact cause of the blame from what I have read. I will be very surprised if this relationship will be indeed till death do they part, unless he dies first. Hopefully he will get a backbone and say goodbye to this insecure attention seeking pathetic excuse for a woman and realise who his friends really are.


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pakled
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27 Dec 2008, 1:55 pm

Sounds like he's trying to tell each party what they want to hear. It's no fun, and hard to keep up.
She is going to want dibs on his time, tho. Maybe if you have a girlfriend, things would even out. Just a thought.



Forsaken
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27 Dec 2008, 2:01 pm

pakled wrote:
Sounds like he's trying to tell each party what they want to hear. It's no fun, and hard to keep up.
She is going to want dibs on his time, tho. Maybe if you have a girlfriend, things would even out. Just a thought.


LoL
Like ya right, someone like me with social deficits up the arss, I am supposed to just up and find me a girlfriend?
GOD I WISH, I would LOVE to find me someone new, it sometimes takes me a couple YEARS just to find a woman
to go out on a date with me.
:cry: :x



Followthereaper90
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27 Dec 2008, 4:17 pm

give him sex maybe that will make him stfu...sorry grumpy today :P


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