Whats the point of socializing if you get nothing from it?

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I was thinking about this today. Most people enjoy socializing, making small talk, ect.. I really don't see the point of it. Everyone pretending to be nice to each other, making small talk that does not mean anything.

I would rather be alone at home doing something I like then going out in a group. Total waste of time. Peopel that dragged me to those things said I would feel better after I went and I'd be glad that I went. I never do. I always think its a waste of time. Some friends say I may end up meeting a women. Thats great, another women that will just reject me because I'm a social ret*d with AS.


Anyone else feel the same way I do?

Absolutely. I know exactly how you feel. People constantly guilt trip me to go places with them and such. I realize they have good intentions but it always ends up making me irritable and wishing I was at home. Socializing to me is aggravating because i just start to realize how stupid most people are. As far as girls go, I wouldnt mind having a girlfriend, but I dont think my standards are realistic for how I look and carry myself.

I've never been in the habit of going out in the evenings. I get more than enough social contact from the people I work with.

Exactly the same.

I don't go out either, but unfortunately, socializing has its reasons. Espcecially now, with jobs hanging by a thread, developing a network of people who can be references, find job leads, etc., needs just a little civility.

Because for some people it is instilled habit. To some, it is just as much a habit as you or me getting on the computer and going on the internet.

I'm female, but I can relate completely.

My impression is that most people with AS feel that way...

Pakled's point about networking for jobs is important though. Unless you're receiving disability or otherwise don't need to work, networking for jobs is pretty important.

Networking in general is a major contributor to "good luck". If your social network is small and/or you socialize very little, you miss out on all kinds of opportunities to do things you want to do -- assuming that you have goals that involve things you can't do at home. If all your goals can be achieved at home, then you might not consider that a drawback.

The girl thing is also a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have an ex, three kids and a current girlfriend who's been with me for 8 years now. That wouldn't have happened if I had approached every person I met with the attitude of "great, another opportunity for rejection". Because if you approach people with that attitude, then even people who would not otherwise choose to reject you will reject you because you approach them that way.

Check a book titled the Luck Factor by Richard Wiseman - a major part of the research for a book I've been writing titled the Optimist's Wager. It explains in scientific detail how networking contributes to luck... among other things.

http://smolderingremains.deviantart.com ... 1-82212934

Its really hard not to have that attitude when you are 40 and rejection is all you have know every single time.

I agree, I find socialising can be very hard to do, as I hate small talk and never know what to say to people.
However I do try and socialise with family & friends as I know that its important for them that I do so.
I dont go out much however, and prefer to spend my evenings at home chilling out

Yesterday I went and saw a Christmas day movie, Valkrie, on it's opening day. Several other movies opened yesterday. Marley and Me, Benjamin Button, Bedtime Stories, to name three.
An unbelievable amount of people were at the movie theatre, it's the largest movie theatre in the world, btw, but still. There was soooooooooooooooooooo many people there all in one space with a ceiling and everything. My PTSD went into effect and I could feel my nerves tightening. I was packed into the movie and surrounded by people. Usually there's at least one or two seats between me and others but not this time because my movie was sold out.
I was completely surrounded and it took every ounce of my energy just to stay afloat.
Later I felt like Hollywood intruded on my people free Christmas movietimes by discovering lots of money could be made opening several blockbusters on xmas day. They brought millions of people into my movie:(

Xmas will never again be the same for me

I don't 'enjoy' socialising, but it can be rewarding if it goes well (like playing an extremely complicated game of chess).

Like most games, the more you practice, the easier it gets. I force myself to socialise with people who won't 'benefit' me because whatever skills I pick up in the process, may come of use when I do need to get along with a person.

Even negative social experiences can be useful; you can choose to act differently another time or never to act like the person you were talking with.

I have that problem whenever I see the premier of a big movie. I found it helps to sit in the front row all the way to one side or the very back row, again all the way to one side

Admittedly... how long have you had that expectation? And, once you had that expectation, how often did you try to find someone? It's been shown scientifically that the personality traits most common in people with AS both prevent "good luck" and cause "bad luck". So the way to change that dynamic is to short-circuit it by changing the expectations, the behavior and eventually those personality traits.

It might help if you can get past the idea of rejection, and just treat it like a "science experiment", and then go put a profile for yourself on something like FriendFinder and in your profile, just focus on your interests and abilities. Say that you're "shy" and kind of a "home body" and send a message to one or two people per week to say hi and ask them if they've read any good books lately. The more people are exposed to your positive qualities (since you get to focus on those in the profile), the greater the chance that you'll get into an email correspondence. After some of that then you can invite them to a movie.

But you really have to play the "numbers game". I know for a fact that I've been less successful romantically (had fewer relationships that is) than I could have been, because I've had people point out to me after the fact that a girl I knew was interested in me and I just never picked up on the hint. Sucks that they don't just come out and say it, would be a lot easier... but... run the numbers, it's not impossible, it just requires a lot of patience and the ability to allow failure...

Or to put it another way...

If you already have an expectation of failure, then what will you lose? But each time it fails, you're closer to success, just like you would be if you were literally looking for the needle in a hay stack. Hopefully this may help you to find a way to see the rejection differently and be able to not worry about the fact that it happens, since, it's an expected, normal part of the process of success.

I'm dealing with some similar issues myself, although in my case they're professional instead of dealing with romantic relationships.

I like sitting in the back row when I can but I got there too late (I also don't like to get there really early and sit and wait. I was thirty minutes early and most of the seats in back were already taken) and the seats were all taken. I can't sit in the front row, it's too close to the screen. I like to sit in the middle. My seat was fine, I was sitting on a row with a walkway in front, sorta midway through the theatre, and the seats were in sections of three so no one was sitting on my right but two strangers, a man and a woman were sitting on my left and it was strange.

Speaking of which my girlfriend Tiff says "don't feel bad, I haven't had much luck dating women either".