I'm closer to my dog, books and laptop than I am to people

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turborocker5000
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25 Dec 2008, 6:48 am

I've been thinking about this as of late... as you may all be aware.. I've only recently had a diagnoses of Asperger's Syndrome, and day by day, sure enough, I am getting my head round everything and piecing every aspect of my life back together... all 19 years of it!

People have always said that I am materialistic... that I love objects.. if I see something I like, I have to have it... sometimes certain objects I love so much that if anyone were to confiscate, I would have a bad meltdown... to the point of even contemplating suicide.. I know this sounds extreme.. but I'm trying to get my head round it.

Can anyone relate to this? Is this a sign of quite bad Asperger's... or rather further towards autism should I say?

My books... I love them... Really love them... my dog, Jack (I have a Jack Russell Terrier)... I love... my laptop... I love.... stupid things like my Tarot decks (I'm not in to Tarot.. I just love the pictures on them)... I ador them... all my model aircraft, I'm in love with them.... candels... statues... my new charm braclete which I'll say a bit more about in a min.

I'm in love with all the above items... but people... I can't get my head around loving a human in the same way as I love these objects... but then I love my mum... and my sister...... and I can tell that's a different sort of love because if I think about them dying, I get so painfully upset, and fear them dying :-(

But I don't feel that way about any other humans.... just my posessions.

I'm hoping someone can relate. If you can relate, how have people treated you as a result?... ie. were you always called materialistic, or selfish etc etc?

As for the charm bracelet... that's my newest obsession... some people might like to get a tattoo to represent themselves right?... well I like this new charm bracelete.... I've bought loads of charms for it to represent different aspects of my life and obsessions. But as a result I got into a bit of financial trouble and spoke to someone at college and she said you know what you can do to get money? She said 'you could resell your charm bracelete on ebay'... that comment got me so upset and I said to her I couldn't I said I was in love with it... I love objects...

The best way I could describe it is like when people are in relationshsips... they love their girl friend/boyfriend... but me?... I love objects..

Anyway... srry this was a bit long winded! I hope someone can relate

Charlie x



sacrip
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25 Dec 2008, 9:59 am

I suspect the easiest way to think of love as a thing that comes in different flavors, like ice cream. The love of your family is chocolate, the love of objects is strawberry, the love of your country (or God, or some other abstract) is rocky road, etc...

The love of people, as friends or lovers, is, let's say, maple walnut. Maybe you don't care for maple walnut, but it doesn't mean you don't like ice cream at all. Or, maybe you haven't given maple walnut a fair chance. One lick isn't enough to decide. Or maybe the last time you tried maple walnut, it was spoiled or contaminated, and tasted awful. So naturally, you think you don't like it.

Course, we are creatures of habit. When I go to the ice cream shop, I eat the flavor I know I like. Why take a chance on a flavor I may not like, when I'm guaranteed a flavor I do? But if I do that too often, I may be selling myself short, and never know any other kind of ice cream pleasure. So it is with love.


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Loborojo
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25 Dec 2008, 10:09 am

I don' think materialism is neccessarily an Asperger trait, but it might be an escape for you because you compensate for the inability to relate to people.

We do love to collect things, though and internet is for most of us an eaier way to communicate, not so confrontational. And most of us are called selfish or egocentric and arrogant at one point.


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Last edited by Loborojo on 25 Dec 2008, 12:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

history_of_psychiatry
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25 Dec 2008, 12:13 pm

I think its so funny that no one wants to swim in shark infested waters, but will associate around other people. You are MUCH more likely to be attacked by a human than a shark.


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millie
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25 Dec 2008, 2:53 pm

turborocker5000 wrote:
I've been thinking about this as of late... as you may all be aware.. I've only recently had a diagnoses of Asperger's Syndrome, and day by day, sure enough, I am getting my head round everything and piecing every aspect of my life back together... all 19 years of it!

People have always said that I am materialistic... that I love objects.. if I see something I like, I have to have it... sometimes certain objects I love so much that if anyone were to confiscate, I would have a bad meltdown... to the point of even contemplating suicide.. I know this sounds extreme.. but I'm trying to get my head round it.

Can anyone relate to this? Is this a sign of quite bad Asperger's... or rather further towards autism should I say?

My books... I love them... Really love them... my dog, Jack (I have a Jack Russell Terrier)... I love... my laptop... I love.... stupid things like my Tarot decks (I'm not in to Tarot.. I just love the pictures on them)... I ador them... all my model aircraft, I'm in love with them.... candels... statues... my new charm braclete which I'll say a bit more about in a min.

I'm in love with all the above items... but people... I can't get my head around loving a human in the same way as I love these objects... but then I love my mum... and my sister...... and I can tell that's a different sort of love because if I think about them dying, I get so painfully upset, and fear them dying :-(

But I don't feel that way about any other humans.... just my posessions.

I'm hoping someone can relate. If you can relate, how have people treated you as a result?... ie. were you always called materialistic, or selfish etc etc?

As for the charm bracelet... that's my newest obsession... some people might like to get a tattoo to represent themselves right?... well I like this new charm bracelete.... I've bought loads of charms for it to represent different aspects of my life and obsessions. But as a result I got into a bit of financial trouble and spoke to someone at college and she said you know what you can do to get money? She said 'you could resell your charm bracelete on ebay'... that comment got me so upset and I said to her I couldn't I said I was in love with it... I love objects...

The best way I could describe it is like when people are in relationshsips... they love their girl friend/boyfriend... but me?... I love objects..

Anyway... srry this was a bit long winded! I hope someone can relate

Charlie x
[quote]




i do relate to this - very much so. I would not term it "materialism" though....it is more a manifestation of how AS operates within me. Some people with AS have this manifestation quite strongly. I get incredible comfort from "things" and i feel closer to things than people very often. I have had lots of little animals and things in our house - little tiny hip ones. Myson who is 6 has just gone through them over the past couple of years and lost half of them and as i write this now - i still experience an incredible pang of devastation at the thought of it - more than i would feel over the death of someone. in another thread recently, two of us posters actually had a minro discussion about anthropomorphising objects - so they become more real and human like for me than many a human even would be!

I have a small mirror on one of our walls. in a little compartment rest a few tiny model elephants. What started as a kind of fun ritual with my son -- the feeding of these elephants - turned into an obsession of mine. it became apparent to all that i was MORE SERIOUS about feeding them than my son was.

I have a similar relationship with one of my old childhood toys. i am closer to them than people. the same goes for my pet dog.

Also, if people move my "Things' I have terrible meltdowns. they can move them if i don't know about it - which is what happens now - but it is really a no-go to try to get me to negotiateor discuss moving my things with another person. it is hell.

my son's disruption of my little animlas is still excruciatingly painful...but i do not get angry with him about it because he is so young and doesn't understand.





i do see this as a manifestation of my AS. these objects are controllable, predictable and safe. I can safely project my own routines and reality onto them WITHOUT the complexities of human social interaction. And so "THINGS" become my haven and my solace. I actually really like this about myself. i think it is great.



newnoz
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26 Dec 2008, 10:50 am

I'm reading this from my bedroom, with my dog and books piled up on my bed. do i need to state i'm on my computer? LOL Never sure how much i need to tell people.

I like people but i can't live too close to them. Its just easier to visit them and live with the dog.
I like cats too but I'm mildly allergic to them and anything that raises my histamine level raises my Aspie symptoms too. Th ones that make my life miserable not the good ones. LOL

I could live in two rooms one for arts and one for reading and computers.
Take care, Nora



Irada
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26 Dec 2008, 12:16 pm

history_of_psychiatry wrote:
I think its so funny that no one wants to swim in shark infested waters, but will associate around other people. You are MUCH more likely to be attacked by a human than a shark.

Very true but the scenarios are very different. People fear sharks because they live in water and water has been constructed as something very dangerous over thousands of years. They also fear the fact that they are nearly completely defenseless again sharks. But all that aside, I would rather spend 5 minutes in a tank with a well fed shark than 5 minutes in a room with a well fed serial killer.



Maddkow
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26 Dec 2008, 2:49 pm

When reading the title of this thread, I will say this: funny thing, is when my grandpa died, I didn't weep much, but for some odd reason, when my dog died a year and a half ago, I was in tears... why that caused me to cry more than the other thing is something I never fully understood. Anyway though, I am the same way. I can't bear to be away from my laptop or other things I like. Heck, [when I lived at home] I even have a few collectible figurines (various sorts ,like Mega Man, Gundam Wing, etc.) as well as a little Dumbo doll I've had since I was 3 yrs old. Anytime anyone else tried touching that stuff - especially that Dumbo doll, I would get on their case. I even remember this time that I had a friend over who wanted to examine/touch a Ka-Bar knife I had recently been given as a b-day gift (sorry, I have a fascination with blades). Even though I told my friend that it was sharp, he wound up cutting his finger. Instead of saying "Wow OMG you cut yourself, you alright?" when he said he was bleeding, I instead said "Oh no! Ah! you got blood on my knife!" ...lol

Anyway though, to bring up Sacrip's post:

sacrip wrote:
I suspect the easiest way to think of love as a thing that comes in different flavors, like ice cream. The love of your family is chocolate, the love of objects is strawberry, the love of your country (or God, or some other abstract) is rocky road, etc...

The love of people, as friends or lovers, is, let's say, maple walnut. Maybe you don't care for maple walnut, but it doesn't mean you don't like ice cream at all. Or, maybe you haven't given maple walnut a fair chance. One lick isn't enough to decide. Or maybe the last time you tried maple walnut, it was spoiled or contaminated, and tasted awful. So naturally, you think you don't like it.

Course, we are creatures of habit. When I go to the ice cream shop, I eat the flavor I know I like. Why take a chance on a flavor I may not like, when I'm guaranteed a flavor I do? But if I do that too often, I may be selling myself short, and never know any other kind of ice cream pleasure. So it is with love.


I tend to explain things like that too in that manner when I'm trying to explain it to other people. Absolute brilliance man - kudos to you and everyone else who can explain things in this type of manner. :) I got a clear picture in my head of your explanation.



millie
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26 Dec 2008, 3:15 pm

Quote:
Maddkow wrote:
When reading the title of this thread, I will say this: funny thing, is when my grandpa died, I didn't weep much, but for some odd reason, when my dog died a year and a half ago, I was in tears... why that caused me to cry more than the other thing is something I never fully understood. Anyway though, I am the same way. I can't bear to be away from my laptop or other things I like. Heck, [when I lived at home] I even have a few collectible figurines (various sorts ,like Mega Man, Gundam Wing, etc.) as well as a little Dumbo doll I've had since I was 3 yrs old. Anytime anyone else tried touching that stuff - especially that Dumbo doll, I would get on their case. I even remember this time that I had a friend over who wanted to examine/touch a Ka-Bar knife I had recently been given as a b-day gift (sorry, I have a fascination with blades). Even though I told my friend that it was sharp, he wound up cutting his finger. Instead of saying "Wow OMG you cut yourself, you alright?" when he said he was bleeding, I instead said "Oh no! Ah! you got blood on my knife!" ...lol




you said it beautifully. Yesterday, some kids here at our home touched my cow skull. They turned it upside down at took the teeth out of the sockets and then replaced them. it was my son and his friend.
my cow skull is one of MY THINGS that i hate people touching. it is like an extension of ME.

I went into fits and i am biting my lip and flapping my hands. it is a killer for me.



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26 Dec 2008, 3:32 pm

sacrip wrote:
I suspect the easiest way to think of love as a thing that comes in different flavors, like ice cream. The love of your family is chocolate, the love of objects is strawberry, the love of your country (or God, or some other abstract) is rocky road, etc...

The love of people, as friends or lovers, is, let's say, maple walnut. Maybe you don't care for maple walnut, but it doesn't mean you don't like ice cream at all. Or, maybe you haven't given maple walnut a fair chance. One lick isn't enough to decide. Or maybe the last time you tried maple walnut, it was spoiled or contaminated, and tasted awful. So naturally, you think you don't like it.

Course, we are creatures of habit. When I go to the ice cream shop, I eat the flavor I know I like. Why take a chance on a flavor I may not like, when I'm guaranteed a flavor I do? But if I do that too often, I may be selling myself short, and never know any other kind of ice cream pleasure. So it is with love.


That's a very clever insight!



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27 Dec 2008, 6:20 am

I get attached to objects: my camera, my science/history books, my antiques collection, my pocket watch, etc. I used to take a hip flask out with me a lot. I also love my dog and she is a Jack Russell Terrier. I had another Jack Russell called Jack too.



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27 Dec 2008, 11:23 am

Nearer my belongings to me topic

Turborocker5000 said it. :D


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