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thedarkpassenger
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01 Jan 2009, 7:58 pm

I get really exhausted from socializing. I was forced to go to a new years party last night, and I felt like every hour I was there, it was times 100 for me. I was completely exhausted by the end of the night and I felt like I had no emotion or energy left in me.

Do these people actually enjoy sitting around a room with loud music and a bunch of strangers, talking about fake things and chit chatting about the weather and their careers? Is this some sort of urge or need that people have to fill? I could go the rest of my life without any sort of party or social gathering like that, and I would be just fine. I have not the smallest desire to go out and attend a party of any kind..

Can anyone shine some light on this please?



lexis
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01 Jan 2009, 8:10 pm

I can relate, I figure it's a combination of trying to fit in socially/not stand out too much and sensory overload. Hyperacusis (common in people with Autism) can cause exhaustion, sickness, headaches and changes in perception.



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01 Jan 2009, 8:25 pm

I can relate too. I need time to recuperate otherwise I may (unintentionally) take it out on the family. I need room to breath afterwards.

I think we need to include and plan a day off afterwards as part of the social event. It is good to take in some social event from time to time as you may pick up useful input. We need NTs in our lives, whether we like it or not.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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01 Jan 2009, 8:35 pm

I don't mind the music as long as it's stuff I like. When my favorite songs come on I am ten times more enthusiastic and happy than the average person. When a song's on I don't like I count the minutes until it's over. So. I guess you can say I am more into the music. I used to go to this all night dance club and it had the best sound system in this lame city and that is the only reason I went. All the other clubs sounded terrible compared to it. It was loud music and really clear. Everyplace else was loud and fuzzy. It was easy to become spoiled. I wanted everyplace in town to have that high quality sound.
Socializing. It gets boring. I am in a state of perpetual boredom. I don't even attempt to talk with loud music blaring in my ears. I wish they announced the name of the song and who sings it before they play it.



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01 Jan 2009, 8:36 pm

I'm more NT than AS and I can relate to your exhaustion, too.

And, yet ...

I know that if we never invite, we'll never be invited. And so I try to invite. Not a lot, and I keep things small, but if you want to be involved in the give and take, you do have to give.

My husband, however, doesn't really care for any of it - he is AS - and has been talking me out of it all lately. I've told him not to complain when he hears about parties and events our "friends" hold that we aren't invited to. He seems to be getting that ... and preferring to continue avoiding it all. Which is fine, it's his choice, isn't it?

I'm kind of in the middle. I do like it as long as I'm really a part of it, there with people who want to have fun with me, and include me. But I also find it tiring. I guess that's my partly AS side. In part, I feel like I'm acting my way through it all. And acting is work. And work is tiring.


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lexis
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01 Jan 2009, 8:39 pm

I don't get nightclubs. The music is so loud and disorientating. NTs have to shout at eachother to be heard so surely it can't be healthy for them either? I tend to stare at the ground and hunch my shoulders, it reminds me of when I was little and noisy streets seemed just as loud- I've improved since then but lately I've gotten a little bad again and am wary of going out.



preludeman
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01 Jan 2009, 9:08 pm

thedarkpassenger wrote:
I get really exhausted from socializing. I was forced to go to a new years party last night, and I felt like every hour I was there, it was times 100 for me. I was completely exhausted by the end of the night and I felt like I had no emotion or energy left in me.

Do these people actually enjoy sitting around a room with loud music and a bunch of strangers, talking about fake things and chit chatting about the weather and their careers? Is this some sort of urge or need that people have to fill? I could go the rest of my life without any sort of party or social gathering like that, and I would be just fine. I have not the smallest desire to go out and attend a party of any kind..

Can anyone shine some light on this please?

I can in some ways relate, yet I hope you still had fun.People sometimes enjoy "small talk". Other people would rather have long conversation about "nothing" or "something".I sorry the "ordeal" left you exhausted.I hope you fell better from the overstemulation.


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Uranus
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02 Jan 2009, 5:16 am

Been there, did that, ear pain, never do it again.



Starr
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02 Jan 2009, 5:22 am

I hear ya!

Yocritier wrote:
I can relate too. I need time to recuperate otherwise I may (unintentionally) take it out on the family. I need room to breath afterwards.

I think we need to include and plan a day off afterwards as part of the social event. It is good to take in some social event from time to time as you may pick up useful input.


I'm OK if I can have a social-free day afterwards. Too many people/social gatherings and I feel scattered...I need a day or two doing hobbies, or at least, quiet, to gather my pieces back together again.



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02 Jan 2009, 5:44 am

I can relate too.
When I try to socialize too much I tend to end up with a migraine or a big headache. That's how my migraines started (and that's why, in a way, my doctor would like me to see a psychologist to know if there's not any disorder behind that -I'm sure he's right though migraines are pretty common in my family), because I felt pretty exhausted and stressed by the party. That's also why I tend to avoid parties when it's not with two or three close friends to whom I can talk about other things than what people usually want to talk about.
Loud music is horrible, I can'tstand it, I got the impression that my ears are goind to explode ! Litteraly. I'm sure it's not very good for anyone.

The worst part is that this problem exist even when it comes to a family reunion...



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02 Jan 2009, 5:53 am

thedarkpassenger wrote:
I get really exhausted from socializing. I was forced to go to a new years party last night, and I felt like every hour I was there, it was times 100 for me. I was completely exhausted by the end of the night and I felt like I had no emotion or energy left in me.

Do these people actually enjoy sitting around a room with loud music and a bunch of strangers, talking about fake things and chit chatting about the weather and their careers? Is this some sort of urge or need that people have to fill? I could go the rest of my life without any sort of party or social gathering like that, and I would be just fine. I have not the smallest desire to go out and attend a party of any kind..

Can anyone shine some light on this please?


I can relate completely.

I find it interesting that people get drunk at parties; surely if they were as fun as they're claimed to be, people would want to enjoy them with a clear head?


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lostD
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02 Jan 2009, 6:07 am

Quote:
I find it interesting that people get drunk at parties; surely if they were as fun as they're claimed to be, people would want to enjoy them with a clear head?


That's what I told to my best friend ! "Why do you like to get drunk at party ? You prefer fake fun ?", she was mad at me, telling me that it was rude of me to judge what is "fake" and what is not and that people like her enjoyed to get drunk because it was funny to be drunk. By the way it seems that not liking acohol (like me) or not liking to get drunk is "immature" for themand a proof that you have not been educated well or just don't want to enjoy social activities. :? My other friend never goes to parties because of that.
I find people pretty stupid when they are drunk.



messygeek
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02 Jan 2009, 6:14 am

I went with my gal to a new years party and I got home at 1 and slept until 4PM.....

It was overwhelming and exhausting.



mosez
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02 Jan 2009, 8:12 am

On such occations I get dead drunk. That make the impressions pass right through me. If I had to be sober, I'll just leave. Simple as that.


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glider18
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02 Jan 2009, 7:52 pm

I used to hate the New Year's Eve party I had to go on my wife's side of the family every year. the TV was loud, the laughing was obnoxious, and the chit chat was unbearable. I wanted to go home every time. What I started doing was go to one of the bedrooms in the house, close the door, turn off the light, and cover up until it was over. Finally, my wife quit wanting to go. Now we stay home on New Year's Eve.

By the way, I do not go to social events like this at all. The most I do is quiet dinners with perhaps a few of my wife's co-workers maybe once a year at the most. My wife has come to understand my autism and does not expect me to attend parties such as her company picnics, etc. I am content to have virtually no friends. My family (wife and two sons) is enough for me. And I live a half mile from my parents.



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02 Jan 2009, 8:02 pm

Quote:
thedarkpassenger wrote:
I get really exhausted from socializing. I was forced to go to a new years party last night, and I felt like every hour I was there, it was times 100 for me. I was completely exhausted by the end of the night and I felt like I had no emotion or energy left in me.

Do these people actually enjoy sitting around a room with loud music and a bunch of strangers, talking about fake things and chit chatting about the weather and their careers? Is this some sort of urge or need that people have to fill? I could go the rest of my life without any sort of party or social gathering like that, and I would be just fine. I have not the smallest desire to go out and attend a party of any kind..

Can anyone shine some light on this please?


ditto. entirely.
and, the after-socialising recuperation is just dandy, too for me it can mean a day in bed and a migraine which includes vomiting.