OCD & Inner and outer expressions of autism

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criss
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05 Jan 2009, 4:15 am

I am interested to know as to weather the internal conversations many of us with AS have with ourselves, are made any more stronger because of personality types.

For example, would a more passive person with AS, who is more prone to 'in-bursts' as opposed to 'out-bursts' be more susseptable to such thinking?

Would it make sense that an aspie who is able to exhibit his or her aspie-ness in the form of either tantrum or confrontation be less prone to OCD and 'completion' type conversational type ruminations, than a more passive and shame based, acutely self aware aspie?

I have recognized in myself, that when I am able to confront and assert myself, I find a sense of freedom, but when I freeze and feel powerless over something, I am very susseptable to painful OCD and what I call 'completion' or 'resouloution' type internal conversations.

Chris


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05 Jan 2009, 7:36 am

I think there is at least some truth to what you are saying. It seems like it plays out as follows: overstimulation needs to be dealt with somehow, and either it gets diverted into a routine (kind of like a re-set function) or funneled straight back (like with an outburst). I don't necessarily think passive and OCD go together; some may have developed an OCD routine on purpose in order to avoid having outbursts (kind of like the cliche of people counting to ten when they are angry to let it pass). It does seem, though, that this would be a natural delineation with regards to reactions and personality type, before involving the type of willful intent I was speaking about as an exception to the rule.

I used to be a passive/outburst/ocd person a long while ago, but now I am less passive (perhaps closer to laid back, but not a super assertive person still) and find mild stimming as way to vent stress and release excess energy (feeling disconnected makes me often feel like I should be doing something, but I don't know what, so I tend to pace or hand wring, or rock, or something like that). I can still be OCD, but being calmer has minimized it somewhat.




I should also note that I have seen plenty of people holding dialogue with themselves while being OCD who are prone to outbursts, but I'm pretty sure they had something other than AS...



Sora
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05 Jan 2009, 10:32 am

I am the autistic who has outbursts, tantrums, is known for 'pigheadedness' and just must get everything hgood and bad to the outside and while I have an ASD, ADHD and an undiagnosed tic disorder I have no OCD and just compulsions that have become manageable by the years.

But I'm eerily self-aware at the same time - I am sure that my 'everything must go to the outside' attitude keeps a balance with that trait.


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lotusblossom
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05 Jan 2009, 2:38 pm

Hi Chris :D

I am a bit of an outward tantrumer and quite confrontational at times but also suffer from OCD and excessive rumination. I re run conversations a lot in my head and have a lot of anxiety. I think that when I loose my temper it makes the OCD worse as I am cross with myself for loosing control (control again!) and ashamed of myself. It seems to be quite circular with me. Perhaps the OCD would be worse if I held my feelings in more than I do. I feel like I supress a lot of my rage but it seeps out the edges sometimes.

My mother does not like people to express themselves and punishes anger, disatisfaction and happiness. But I think my natural personality is too firey to have been properly squashed. My sister expresses no feeling at all and I have never seen her upset or angry. I probably would have been even more stropy had my mother not been so punative. On the other hand I might have been more happy and calm had I not been so criticized.



criss
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05 Jan 2009, 3:31 pm

Thank you Lotusblosom and everyone else for responding.

As I feel more comfortable with myself as a man with AS, the more I am able to express my true colours, this in turn is enabling me to be uncharastically (pre Dx critique) irritable, although I do feel I am still so painfully polite about it.


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garyww
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05 Jan 2009, 3:54 pm

I'm not sure I understand the question but for me I've always had an 'inner' conversation going on with myself for as long as I can remember. My mind is constantly at 'work' and I work on my ''projects' by mentally talking to myself. This is one reason I have a hard time falling to sleep. My mind and my conversations go on almost constantly. It's kind of like a professor and a student as I bounce ideas back and forth between opposing sides. It's not done in a schizoid fashion as my people and me when thru that already.


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millie
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05 Jan 2009, 4:21 pm

trying to work out your question, chris?



Last edited by millie on 05 Jan 2009, 4:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

millie
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05 Jan 2009, 4:22 pm

Quote:
garyww wrote:
I'm not sure I understand the question but for me I've always had an 'inner' conversation going on with myself for as long as I can remember. My mind is constantly at 'work' and I work on my ''projects' by mentally talking to myself. This is one reason I have a hard time falling to sleep. My mind and my conversations go on almost constantly. It's kind of like a professor and a student as I bounce ideas back and forth between opposing sides. It's not done in a schizoid fashion as my people and me when thru that already.



same for me. inner ruminations are ceaseless and are ongoing. I never stop thinking, i talk to myself out loud and internally most of the time. And i see little correllation between them and my excessive tantrums and meltdowns.

is this what you meant, chris?



millie
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05 Jan 2009, 4:22 pm

Quote:
garyww wrote:
I'm not sure I understand the question but for me I've always had an 'inner' conversation going on with myself for as long as I can remember. My mind is constantly at 'work' and I work on my ''projects' by mentally talking to myself. This is one reason I have a hard time falling to sleep. My mind and my conversations go on almost constantly. It's kind of like a professor and a student as I bounce ideas back and forth between opposing sides. It's not done in a schizoid fashion as my people and me when thru that already.



same for me. inner ruminations are ceaseless and are ongoing. I never stop thinking, i talk to myself out loud and internally most of the time. And i see little correllation between them and my excessive tantrums and meltdowns.

is this what you meant, chris?



criss
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06 Jan 2009, 2:50 am

Millie.

I was dx only 18 months ago and for over 40 years I mastered the art (like so many of us do), of concealing my aspie-ness.

Like many others including Donna Williams, I developed a very convincing NT persona. This persona would naturally extend to being non-reactionary in many confrontational and difficult situations.

The essence of this thread is asking others weather they feel their OCD or their internal conversations are made stronger if they are surpressing their natural frustration and irribility (their natural aspie-ness)


I have a hunch that if us aspies are more free to assert ourselves and be ourselves, the intensity of our conversations with ourselves, as well as our OCD, would perhaps be less intense.


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06 Jan 2009, 3:16 am

criss wrote:

The essence of this thread is asking others weather they feel their OCD or their internal conversations are made stronger if they are surpressing their natural frustration and irribility (their natural aspie-ness)



For me, all my thoughts become scrambled and disappear when I become frustrated/stressed. I can't think when too many things are happening or when I'm in a situation I am not comfortable in. So I spend a fair bit of time not being able to think. My internal 'conversations' become weaker when I am suppressing my natural frustration. All I can think is 'arghhhh, why won't this stop'. The reason why I don't react outwardly is because I am a very passive person, often to the point that I can't react the way I need to, even when I am given the opportunity. Everything is internalised, but at the same time, thought is suppressed. I don't know how I get through these situations, but somehow I manage to make it through the day without seeming too conspicuous. It is only when I am relaxed and alone that I can really engage myself in inner conversation.



TheMaverick
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06 Jan 2009, 3:34 am

i am definately the more passive aspie. for my enire life ive been having conversations with myself. like the older guy further up said, its to bounce ideas off. with it ive come up with some pretty amazing ideas and views of things. i should probably write some of it down. im also not shizoid, i just cant find anyone else withthe same intelect to bounce these ideas off.



criss
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06 Jan 2009, 3:34 am

Yes......................i can relate to you.

The world is such an overwhelming place for many of us with AS, no wonder we seek some adaptive and creative ways to gather the information we have stored within us during the day.

Go well out there.

Chris


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TheMaverick
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06 Jan 2009, 7:23 am

thanks, you too!

it is a shame there is no community for us. imagine the possibilties, all those brains working together, somewhere where its easier to talk about things. online is somewhat limited (time delay etc.) I realise its probably never going to happen but i like to hold on to the idea of an Aspie nation.
Does anyone know much about Mensa? I hear they are a group for the intellectualy gifted. Would it be worth looking into what they can offer?