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Sora
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09 Jan 2009, 1:40 pm

What are table manners where you live - do you even know? How much do you keep to these common manners as an autistic person?

In Germany it's pretty much expected of you to eat with both fork and knife. Don't put the knife down. I'm serious here. Keep the knife in your right hand! And given your knife remains in your hand, don't just cut off more than you plan to pick up. That's how kids eat.

I am able to do that now. But I wasn't until my teens. As far as I recall, that's an issue quite a lot autistic people have?

Oh and there are things you have to remember to split with your fork - and only with your fork, folks.

Keep both hands on the table (who would want to have their knife or fork in their lap anyway?). Your hands will have to remain in plain sight. But keep your elbows away from the table at all times. Don't be lazy.

The edge of the table hurt on my skin. I was hyper sensitive.

Wait until everyone's been served. Even if there are 15+ people there! Don't just start, it's rude!

Can't say this was/is easy for me.


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MommyJones
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09 Jan 2009, 1:43 pm

We no longer have manners in the United States. :lol:



mitharatowen
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09 Jan 2009, 1:45 pm

I've never really cared much for etiquitte. My mom would always yell at me for embarresing her at a restaruant by picking up something with my fork and taking a bite from what was on the fork (eg, having more on your fork than fits in your mouth) she also said I hold my fork wrong when cutting something with a knife (finally did get down how to hold the knife properly :P) ect ect ect.

Bleh who cares. I don't eat like a slob and talk with my mouth full and get food all over myself so what's the difference how I hold my fork??

I do kind of chew with my mouth open sometimes though :( I have a hard time breathing out of my nose most of the time so I have to open my mouth or I'll suffocate while I'm eating!!



mitharatowen
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09 Jan 2009, 1:46 pm

MommyJones wrote:
We no longer have manners in the United States. :lol:

We do but few care.



09 Jan 2009, 1:48 pm

It was very awkward keep my mouth closed as I ate, it was awkward to eat with my elbow off the table and have feet in front of me.

I still have to remind myself to have my feet in front of me when I eat at a table and have elbow off.

I also tend to lick my plates or bowls so I have to restrain myself from doing it. I only do it at home.



mitharatowen
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09 Jan 2009, 1:57 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
I still have to remind myself to have my feet in front of me when I eat ..


Spokane_Girl - just curious, where would you like to have your feet naturally?



09 Jan 2009, 2:02 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
I still have to remind myself to have my feet in front of me when I eat ..


Spokane_Girl - just curious, where would you like to have your feet naturally?



Beside me, not under the table. Sometimes I sit with one leg under the table and one out.
But I usually eat in the living room, never at the table.



mitharatowen
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09 Jan 2009, 2:06 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
Spokane_Girl wrote:
I still have to remind myself to have my feet in front of me when I eat ..


Spokane_Girl - just curious, where would you like to have your feet naturally?



Beside me, not under the table. Sometimes I sit with one leg under the table and one out.
But I usually eat in the living room, never at the table.


I ask because I always sit with one leg under me or cross-legged or anything else like that but I am definately not comfortable sitting with both feet on the floor. I even sit this way at work - I am sitting in a variation of cross-legged right now (at work). The only time I sit with my feet on the floor or one leg crossed like a lady is when I am at church.



slowmutant
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09 Jan 2009, 2:31 pm

MommyJones wrote:
We no longer have manners in the United States. :lol:


Did you ever?



slowmutant
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09 Jan 2009, 2:33 pm

My parents endeavoured to instill in me a sense of polite/impolite, and at long last they succeeded ... mostly.



Padium
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09 Jan 2009, 2:50 pm

Elbows off the table: I embarassed myself at a black friend's house once with that.... So difficult when I normally sit on the end of an oval table. I can avoid it now, it is just difficult when I prefer to sit leaning over top of my food. I don't know why I must lean over top of my food, but I do.



mitharatowen
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09 Jan 2009, 2:59 pm

Padium wrote:
Elbows off the table: I embarassed myself at a black friend's house once with that.... So difficult when I normally sit on the end of an oval table. I can avoid it now, it is just difficult when I prefer to sit leaning over top of my food. I don't know why I must lean over top of my food, but I do.


IMO:
It just makes sense to avoid spilling in your lap! The rule about elbows on the table is silly. What's so rude about elbows?



sinsboldly
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09 Jan 2009, 3:21 pm

Padium wrote:
Elbows off the table: I embarassed myself at a black friend's house once with that.... So difficult when I normally sit on the end of an oval table. I can avoid it now, it is just difficult when I prefer to sit leaning over top of my food. I don't know why I must lean over top of my food, but I do.


I remember strict table manners drilled into me as a child. I remember dining at an aquaintance's once and had their children chant to me "Mable, Mable, strong and able, keep your elbows off the table". Yes, I was embarassed, because I knew better, too.

Merle


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drowbot0181
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09 Jan 2009, 3:38 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Padium wrote:
Elbows off the table: I embarassed myself at a black friend's house once with that.... So difficult when I normally sit on the end of an oval table. I can avoid it now, it is just difficult when I prefer to sit leaning over top of my food. I don't know why I must lean over top of my food, but I do.


IMO:
It just makes sense to avoid spilling in your lap! The rule about elbows on the table is silly. What's so rude about elbows?


Yeah, I never understood that one either. I don't get the point of all the made up social rules that serve no purpose. Another one is not wearing a hat indoors. I never understood why it is consider rude. I don't wear hats anyway, though.



MommyJones
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09 Jan 2009, 3:46 pm

slowmutant wrote:
MommyJones wrote:
We no longer have manners in the United States. :lol:


Did you ever?



Yes, I actually value manners highly, which is where that came from. I always say please and thank you, I call people when I make plans and cannot make it, I always apologize for things that I did wrong, I send thank you notes when I receive things from people. I believe that manners show respect for others, and show that I care about you as much as I care about myself. Very often it seems like I am the odd man out because most people I know just don't do things like that anymore and it frustrates me. I've only done a couple of initial posts on this site, and if you look I even say thank you to you guys for answering my questions. Maybe I'm a dork, but that's me. As far as US in general? I'm not that old. I imagine we had manners at one point. :)



ngonz
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09 Jan 2009, 4:17 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
Padium wrote:
Elbows off the table: I embarassed myself at a black friend's house once with that.... So difficult when I normally sit on the end of an oval table. I can avoid it now, it is just difficult when I prefer to sit leaning over top of my food. I don't know why I must lean over top of my food, but I do.


IMO:
It just makes sense to avoid spilling in your lap! The rule about elbows on the table is silly. What's so rude about elbows?


I googled table manners, and according to one web site, the historical tale is that "no elbows on the table" goes back to medieval times when tables were more cramped and elbows would end up in other people's food, or at least make them feel cramped for space.

Elbows on the table nowadays may still make other diners feel cramped, and may also bring germs to the table.

That is according to http://www.chow.com/stories/10412


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