Self Issues

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I have worked a few low paying jobs off and on in my life. I went to college thinking this had to be the cure for whatever makes me feel and appear unsuccessful. I graduated only to find a degree didn't help me in that department.

My husband keeps asking why I don't work or even volunteer, but no matter how often I've told him what is really like living with Social Phobia and Panic Attacks he doesn't comprehend it. He learns quickly and is intelligent and does relatively well at his job. We've often joked about how I should sign my degree over to him so upper mangagment would consider him more of a candidate to move up in the company. He is only a bit short of his own degree, but working full time with a family makes it rather difficult to finish up.

So. My question is how do you keep your selfesteem from plummenting when you don't work, because of Aspergers? I am one that looks good on paper, but doesn't succeed beyond that. I interview badly as well. I suppose I'm not feeling good about myself presently and wondered how others deal with these circumstances.

Sorry if the poll seems choppy I couldn't edit it the way I would have liked to have posted it

well, I've been doing my job forever. Only thing I don't like is contract-renewal time, which is only a few months away. Aside from that, people like my work, I'm fast, and I get good reviews...

i have gone through a lot of jobs in my time, but to the naked eye I may appear waywardly and unemployed because I am sorta self-employed and set my own hours...For this reason, people are always suggesting to me jobs I could do...and there have been times during this self-employed era when I have felt the need to try to find conventional employment only to receive a harsh reminder of how difficult it is to maintain.

Before I worked for Flakey, I had several part-time under-the-table jobs and low rent for a couple of years.

Before that I had silly service-industry jobs where all my peers were several years younger than me.

Before that I was a "respectable" 9-5 office worker and part-time college student who moonlighted in a local band.

First of all, forgive the following rant. Your post inspired me to write.

Regarding the poll: I work about three-quarters-time, and I like and dislike it at the same time.
Sorry to sit on the fence, but that's how things are

Wow... total sympathy with you there, Pook. I have had astonishingly similar experiences.
I currently work two low-paying jobs to make ends meet, which they rarely do in spite of it. Before that, I went to college, got a degree, and even got a decently-paying job in the field. Then I rather shamefully lost it because of complications of AS that I did not understand or even see at the time. I also know what it is like to not work, while being wrapped in anxiety and confusion.

To answer your question, what keeps me going through all trials of work and trying to make a living is a dry bit of philosophy. It goes like this: Whatever is happening right now is meant to be happening right now. Even difficult or painful experiences are a chance to learn and grow. All you can do is put forth your best effort and keep an open mind. Now, those words on their own are meaningless. They offer no practical advice. I've had those same thoughts of self-doubt and lack of self-esteem, and what I needed more than anything was a lifetime of proper social skills and developmental support. Not philosophy. But I can't go back in time. And this philosophy is what allows me to put all those past failures to rest, and focus on what I can do right now with what I have at this moment.

When I worked full-time, I was a teacher. I assumed I could do that job. I had a degree in Education, and I was relatively well-credentialed. After a few months of doing it, however, it turned into a nightmare. I couldn't deal with the social demands. Parent conferences, disciplining kids, and a loud and somewhat unpredictable environment whittled away at me until I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. A number of large failures started to accumulate. The administration could have justifiably fired me, but instead reassigned me to work with another teacher in a drastically reduced-responsibility role for the rest of the term. I think they sensed my troubles, even without my voicing them (I had no idea what was wrong at the time. I thought I was losing my mind). I was gone when the Summer came around.

This catastrophe went far in ruining any positive reference I might have gained from working this job. The education world, like many other careers, is all about who you know. Now one principal thought I was strange and incapable. You can bet that lots of others suddenly did, too.

Now, I substitute teach. This is important for several reasons. One is that it doesn't pay enough, which means that I work on weekends, too. Working 7 days a week is hard, but a good kind of hard. Like I am actually building something with all the toil. And that something is myself. In substituting, I am learning many of the small things about teaching and about society that I did not understand when I had my full-time job. I am also making positive connections with other professionals, which will be essential, should I every attempt to get another real job.

These experiences are necessary. They wake me up to who I am. I deal with them and learn. I am always trying to improve. Sometimes I can't do it, and I fail. But I learn from that too, whatever I can.

So every person is in a different place. Obviously, I have been able to go out and work to some extent. If you are in a place where you cannot, there's nothing wrong with that. That is where you are at this point in time. Objectives are always relative to where you are starting from.

Sorry if I have carried on unnecessarily. My point is that you should take pride in what you are, not what you are not. Everyone has strengths and talents that should be celebrated. And if you want to become something that you are not currently, the journey to improve and grow is one of the most honorable things you can do. It seems like you're on that road already. Even if it takes the rest of your life, keep at it. That's all that any of us can really do.

I've been through a lot of jobs. It's very hard to maintain your self esteem with all of this. I know in my experience, my job losses have been because of social issues which they cover up by saying my work is unsatisfactory in some way. I have a degree, but I don't interveiw well and I have a pretty choppy work history so I don't look that great on paper, either.

The worst part is when I lose a job and I have to come home and tell my husband, that I'm a loser again. I always hear the same thing. "Why can't you just get along? Just be like everyone else. Go to work and get a check, why do you have to be happy?" Then my favourite, "You have a degree, you should be able to make more money than you do."

Well, as you well know, that degree doesn't make any difference if you don't sparkle. And I don't s**t glitter. LOL.

I like my job, now. Well, sometimes. Social issues still come up and they still devastate me. I have a good boss now that tries to help me with the issues. He knows that I work hard at it and I try really hard to avoid social issues. So when they come up, he understands that I really don't have a clue and I'm not being stupid on purpose, I just really am stupid in that way. I don't make alot of money at my job. But I have a lot of perks that mean a lot to me. I'm fairly independent. I am allowed to work in my own way at my own pace. I am asked to do extra things that highlight my talents. I am complimented when I do things that aren't really in my job and when I do things that are part of my job in some way that is really good. My boss knows that I will always do what I'm asked as long as it's within my comfort range and he knows that he may have to help me if it's not. I do actually use my degree to some extent. I get to work in a school without the politics (for the most part) and I work with kids without dealing with some of their stuff that I can't deal with. I usually get to work with their disability related issues which is something that I can deal with. I'm good about making suggestions that are helpful and don't cost the school anything to implement. I have lots of talents and my job lets me exploit some of them.

If I lose this job it will kill me.

I've only had two jobs. I don't really need a job right now since I live with my mom and we have a ton of money, but I did it because I had nothing better to do and I wanted to invest my money. The first job only lasted six days. I worked in the deli at a grocery store. They fired me for being too small, which was basically discrimination. Other people I know were in the exact same position. The second job I really liked. I worked in a big mall and sold gift cards for the holidays. I had a really, really nice boss (she saw a lot of herself in me) and I loved the atmosphere (I can't get enougb of malls!). But that was just a seasonal job. Once the awful icy weather clears up here, I'm going to look for my third job. I want to start saving up for my future as I'm no longer a teenager now.