What I hate about my AS

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There are a couple of things that can sometimes make my AS pretty unbearable, and those aren't even the meltdown/sensory integration/etc type stuff. What I hate about being AS is I am normal enough to know I am different and see the impact it has on my life, and know what I am doing wrong, but I am not normal enough to be able to adapt to life in an NT world as much as I would like to. This can be particularly painful because I don't get everything I would like to be able to understand, and know I may never be able to, and it isn't like the kid who doesn't know math and needs a tutor. It is more like the kid who will never be more socially mature than his brother when he was 3... I hate that my 5 year old brother is already more socially developed than I am. I don't think I would even be able to develop to the point he is at now. This is my pain, this is what makes everyday more painful than the last, knowing what I need, but being unable to grasp it. How do I get over my fear of social situations, just so I can embarrass myself with my utter lack of social skills. Sometimes I wonder why I couldn't have been handicapped enough to not be aware of my situation, and be happy because I don't know. But then I realize, reading threads where some of the lower functioning people have posted, that it isn't a reality for me to be that low functioning, or even approach it with what I have. I am glad that there is hope for me, but it seems like I may never hit the point where it matters. Even if I could have the same understanding of social situations my 5 year old NT brother has right now I would be better off. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to be better in these situations, as I feel that it isn't possible for me to. I have spent the past few days in this realization, fighting off tears because I don't want to be getting attention for crying in public, or even in my dorm in front of my roomates... Worst part is there isn't even an AS group in my local area. What can I do? Where can I go from here? How do I progress further into the abyss that my future seems to be?

You've hit the nail on the head about the worst aspect of AS. It is neither here nor there; a balancing act between not being low-functioning, and not being normal. That must be especially hard that there are no support groups by your; jointly celebrating our seperateness seems to help a lot.

Have you thought about contacting an organization like GRASP or something similar? They may have something to help you, or they may be able to help you start a group. I'm willing to bet there are others in your area who feel in the same boat.

Yeah, at least someone that's mentally ret*d doesn't actually know the situation that they are in. (Or an old family member slowly losing their mind doesn't realize it as it happens) AS is definitely annoying in that aspect for sure. You know your not normal, and nothing you can really do about it. I think eventually though you realize that everyone has something quirky about them, and it's not such a big deal anymore.

You can still get a job.
You can still talk to people, date, get married (albeit perhaps more difficult for you).
You still are in charge of your life and what you do with it.

In some cases, you have things that your BETTER at than other NTs.

It's all a trade.
(Statistically speaking, if you got the short end of the stick, that means someone else got the long one. So, if nothing else, you can be happy that your living a crappy life so someone else can be living out their dream)

Yes, this is true. But you are intelligent enough to learn what your response is suppose to be, unlike a child knows through their NT senses.

You can learn what is and is not appropiate behavior and be correct most of the time as to people will know you mean well.

Best,

Idaho Aspie

What you can do is concentrate your efforts on something else that will pay, rather than on becoming socially normal, which (at least for me) was a waste of my resources. Then you become good at something and people flock to you for your personality/knowledge/ prestige/money/whatever. Being socially adept is just one of several options of roads to happiness. The fact that most choose the social option is it comes easiest to most.

Well it's like you said, to know. When I was young my teachers all thought I was lazy, cause I allways delivered less than my abilities. I have a lot of interests and could have taken it quite far in different fields, but I also seem to lack the power to make things happen. I must be a world champion in procrastination. That is what I hate the most

I would say anxiety is the worst for me. I have been able to chennel my interests (obsessions) in positive directions. My interest in books helped me get a job at the library. I have made friends on an Internet site devoted to Siamese cats.

Another problem for me is doing stupid, clumsy, or embarrassing things.

What I hate about my ASD right now is that I'll be 21 and that thinking of that now, I do not feel mature and old enough to move out this year.

That's the downside of it for me too, and it's a real bummer. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever adapt to the NT world, and also learn to socialise.

Even though I do get by and have a bit of a social life, I still can't relate to anyone enough to feel close to them. It hurts and i almost cried in Civics class but I managed to just sit there with a blank expression. One of my friends asked me today "Are you ok?" and I just gave an awkward attempt at avoiding a straight answer. I wish I had managed to say no or I could show my emotions more...