but that's just men

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How many of you have heard this when you're trying to explain AS to them using descriptions of symptoms and they relate to you saying "Oh I have that too. That's just how men are. I struggle with the same things." Its like they are saying its a more extreme version of the male brain.

Its also clear that they are judging the symptoms in an isolated sense, not recognizing that the symptoms are just that - symptoms of something else behind the scenes that is the real issue, and an entirely different cause than what caused their similar symptoms.

My first thought is that this totally doesn't explain aspie girls. Especially aspie girls who still exhibit feminine characteristics. These girls probably do not have "extreme male brains".

What do you all say to people who try and tell you this?

Honestly, I can't really tell the difference between aspies and NTs doing the same things. But I can tell with routines because NTs don't freak out over changes but when NTs freak out over the same changes aspies freak out about, I just think it's a normal thing and it isn't AS.

In fact it used to bug me when people say what I did was part of AS when I have seen other kids or grown ups doing the same boo boo too. I mean why blame it on my AS? It still does sometimes. I just think people need to blame things on things. It happens with NTs too about pregnancies, menstrual cycles, PMS, menopauses when they are bitchy or cranky so the men blame it on that stuff if the lady is going through it. My husband did that to me about my pregnancy, first everything was about AS, and I said No it's because I'm a woman or no it's the wedding stress (back when we were still planning it) or no it's my anxiety, and then all of a sudden "it's because you are pregnant." Bugged the s**t out of me when he did that.

I've never told anyone about AS except the people who told me that I have it. My mom told me that my resistance to asking for directions is a male trait after I had trouble finding a driving destination, got frustrated and overwhelmed and went home. The truth is that asking for directions probably would not have been productive because at the time I was in such a bad mood that I probably could not ask nicely or be anywhere near the normal behavior for approaching strangers for any purpose.

My mum told me I had an extreme male brain, more so than other females with autism/AS.
There was an article posted here not long ago that said females with autism were more like males and males with autism were more like females. That was worded horribly but maybe you will get my gist.

I suspect that's a problem with most or all invisible disabilities. I never use the phrase "chronic fatigue syndrome," because people end up saying, "oh, I get tired all the time, too" -- when they have no clue about CFS (that it involves problems with reading, writing, and the loss of many intellectual skills, not to mention passing out and other things).

I think part of it is as someone else mentioned: that they're assuming that you're telling them in order to ask for reassurance that you are still normal (since to be otherwise is the worst thing in the world).

But I also think part of it is that many people are overly suspicious about cheaters/fakers getting advantanges they don't "deserve." IOW, that it somehow diminishes their suffering if someone claims to have a problem that they don't have.

That is, that what you say seems to get translated into, "I have it worse, so I think my problems are real and yours are trivial."

Reminds me of a stereotypical, comedic image of people at a Thanksgiving dinner, saying:

"oh my shoulder, it's so painful!"
"painful? my gallbladder has been killing me for a month!" "
"what do you know? I have angina!"
"my sciatica is awful, you don't know how bad it is!"

So, I think, unfortunately, mentioning actual disabilities get misinterpreted as part of a social game like that (of who has it the worst and deserves all the sympathy).

We are not the only ones feeling that way about it either, the expression "invalidating feelings of others"comes from NTs, and they experience this too. I have heard many times people saying things like "don't tell me you know how i feel, you have no @#$ idea!"and they only express it in times of grief or intense pain, i guess the rest of the time, when it's about something minor like a flue, they will just be polite and let the other person get away with selfishness ( ok, he is upset with what i said, better not insist) or self absorbtion ( he needs to feel that he suffers more than me, i will let him feel validated about it, i suppose he needs it more) .
Only when their pain is high enough do they stop playing the game and force their feelings on people who try to deflect them or cancel them with their own.
I don't know any mother who lost a child who will take a "i now how you feel" and not get snappy about it.

I am guilty of doing this too because I like to make people feel better. But even this irritates NTs too because I have also seen them complaining. It's not just about hidden disabilities, it happens in other things too like sickness, tragic things, or dealing with issues. If their child were in a NICU, they do not want to hear "At least your baby wasn't in there for two months, yours was only in there for a week" comparing their baby to another baby who had to be in there longer. I know it's supposed to make them feel better and look on the bright side but it doesn't work. They also interpret that as they have no right to feel that way because theirs wasn't bad enough and someone had it worse.

And I found a thread at Babycenter about "I am more pregnant than you" referring to who has it worse than others and they also don't like hearing about it. I thought "Goodness I didn't know this happened in other communities too" because I remember the "I am more aspie that you" attitude.

Yep I have been reading posts at babycenter and sometimes I see the same stuff there I see here and I doubt they are all aspies.

I get "I struggle with that too", but not "it's just men" as I'm female.
My answer is "do you struggle with it to the point where it has significant negative effects on your life?"

The way I explained it when I encountered this attitude was like this:

I admit I was guilty of this myself before I knew what AS was. A friend was telling me about their DX, and i think it upset him, until I countered with examples from my life. By the end of the conversation, he suggested I get an eval myself.

Here is reality. Like attracts like. I"m sure many of us have more friends who are on the spectrum or are a broader autistic phenotype. Many of our friends will share experiences with us. We shouldn't discount this. For a lot of us adults, we were lost and thought we were just strange before learning about AS. Chances are, some of these people who say well I do this too need help just as we do.