Ostracized for Odd Cutlery (Silverware) Choices?

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I think it's greatly more likely that someone with Asperger's syndrome is going to have unusual cutlery preferences; for example, myself, I prefer the spork because it is versatile and efficient. Often enough, however, I go somewhere that has no sporks and I do not have my personal emergency spork with me, so I am forced to use non-preferred cutlery, but even then my choices are thought to be most unusual. At a restaurant, I sometimes butter my bread with a spoon; in the mornings I may eat cold cereal in milk with a fork. I never anticipated anything was different or even "wrong" about this until attempts were made to "correct" me, all of which I have refused; to me, it is simple logic that the spoon will work better to spread butter on a slice of bread than a knife, whose advantage is clearest in cutting things! However, at breakfast, brunch, lunch, and dinner tables alike, I have been treated as a pariah for my personal and private choices. Back in high school, I was very nearly expelled for bringing a large stainless steel chef's knife and cutting board with me to the cafeteria so that I could freshly mince some garlic and herbs as a garniture croue for my lunch! I asked how I was to be expected to mince and finely chop my garnish effectively without these tools, and the principal replied that I could do without the garnish! How plebeian! I will leave the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and greasy slices of pizzas to the barbarians.

Anyway I feel very much alone and persecuted for my righteous and efficient choices in cutlery usage. I am just wondering if there are any other aspies out there in this Wrong Planet of ours who have seen society's cruelty and intolerant indifference for reasons like mine. Brothers and sisters, let us join together then, and say never again!

If you are eating in company with other people, then it isn't a private choice. You're doing it in a shared space at a common table.

I also have very specific needs for handheld implements of any kind, including tableware and find that things need to have a certain, feel, color, balance and heft. I have 'favorites' and if I can't find them my world starts to crumble. I can eat at a restaurant but if the fork isn't just 'right' it takes a huge effort to keep from showing how upsitting it is. At one time I did carry my own eating utensils but like you found that this seemed to be a very big societal taboo. Thats another reason why I go out in public so seldom.

At work they give us spoons with our morning cream cheeses and bread. Grrrr! And they expect us to spread the butter with the spoons too!

At home I use sporks. I love them, that's why I bought them.

People will first criticize you, then if they see you couldn't care less. they'll shut up. In the end, they'll start imitating you if they like the idea.

I read your post, and have some things to point out. You said that you like to spread butter with a spoon, because a knife is for cutting. Well, look at it this way. The sharp edge of a knife is for cutting. A knife blade also has flat sides, which can easily be used for spreading. This is especially true for butter knives, which have wide blades to give you more surface area to work with. So it can work just like a spoon for spreading, although if you prefer your way, I'm not going to rag you about it, although most NTs might think it's weird. As for eating cereal with a fork, I can't imagine doing that, because all the milk will go right through the fork. If you do it at a table with other people, they're definitely going to say something, because to them, it seems illogical, just as it seems logical to you.

As for brining a knife to school, even I will say that it was a stupid decision on your part! (Note that I said that your decision, not you personally, was stupid.) I'm not sure what year you went to high school, but nowadays, if you got caught, you'd be expelled on the spot with no questions asked. If by having a garnish on your food, you risk getting expelled, is it really worth it? Or would it be better to go without it for one meal a day (namely, lunch in school)? If having it is that important to you, perhaps you can make it at home, then bring it to school in a small plastic container (I know it won't taste as fresh, but at least they won't expel you for it). Just make sure you also bring plenty of gum or breath mints, since garlic can give you bad breath. And most people are offended by it. If I were you, I'd make and eat the garnish at home, because of the hassles of having to bring it and dealing with bad breath.

Sporks are brilliant! I might invest in one myself.

I've always had an issue with using both a knife and a fork. I stick with the fork only. I manage to spear and cut with one quite well, thank you very much.

That...that's a great post.
Maybe best thread of the year so far.

Uh oh, you just commited a horrible sin by using cuttlerly in the wrong way. How dare you use them in ways other than what people want you too... you should be ashamed of yourself for evening thinking of such an evil, horrid and downright disrespectful act.

Seriously though I have found this to be one of the biggest hang ups NTs can have. Growing up people always complained when I held a fork or spoon the wrong way. It was the strangest thing, something I was using to feed myself... they would have this big fit over.

And the deal with 'fancy' restaurants and all those forks and spoons... and using the 'proper' one. And people getting all worked up if you don't do it the right way...

I'm with you, eat the way you want. If someone shows you a better way to use a utensil, it's your choice to use that advice or not.... and then just continue to enjoy your food.

Thanks for making this thread. This is conflict is my first childhood memory of being 'different' socially... and making a moral choice to ignore all the hubbub... I was not just disobeying authority... I was rebelling against ridiculous arbitrary rules.

sporks? surely you mean splayds?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Splayd

http://www.splayd.com.au/

An analogous argument could be made about pregnancy. Other people can see the distended abdomen that is a clear sign of pregnancy, but ultimately it is the woman's body and her choice to terminate the pregnancy is a private one. Likewise, it's my meal and my hands, so it's my choice.

I like to eat peas with a knife---does that count? Some interesting trivia: the Spanish word for spork is 'espork'.

my cutlery preferences are very specific and very important to me. i am away at the moment - i brought my own supply of chili and i want to cry because i have to eat in the friggin dining room with other people AND i cannot use my home cutlery. my stuff has to be fairy light and i use teaspoons or a kid's spoon a lot which is halfway between a teaspoon and adult spoon.
i bought a relaly expensive and modern shaped set of knives and forks and spoons a year or two ago - they look gret and they are so hideous for me to use - everyone else uses them, but i have the old spoons and knives and forks in the drawer and they are MINE.

i can have a tantrum if someone is using my spoon. my fork is very light too.
i have been known to go through a drawer in another person's house - feeling all the forks and spoons to get the right ones before i eat.
i hate eating wiht other people and like to eat on myown in front of a scree - the tv with a bottle of chilli sauce next to me which i use to flavor everything except the porridge.

Last edited by millie on 17 Jan 2009, 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not everywhere, and not in all times. Many governments around the globe and at different times keep the decision-making about abortion to themselves, above the woman's will.

Butter knife is and always has been a laughable misnomer! I cannot help but smirk when I see the NTs rushing to the butter tub, dipping their inferior spreading utensils and taking a smudge, and then spreading it using the flat side of a device best suited for cutting! I much prefer the concave-on-convex action of the spoon for spreading butter, oleomargarine, jams and jellies, marmalade, and sauces and gravies whether thick or thin. I can dollop the butter on a roll and then smooth it out using the convex side (I like to call it the "business end" of the spoon).

NTs' love of milk sickens me! Mind you, I enjoy my cold cereals saturated in cold cow's milk (2% fat content, pasteurized, fortified with Vitamins A and D), but the excessive and sickening amounts of milk that enter the mouth and digestive tract when cereal is eaten with a spoon instead of a fork repulses me! It is a contorted and masochistic logic that justifies the spoon for this use.

I do not fear the wretched odors of my breath nor the ostracism that may come from it. I care about eating well, a gourmet repast, freshness, and quality. I like to enjoy a good discussion of philosophy or the arts when I eat. I mooed mockingly at the bovine existence of my plebeian principal and my petit bourgeois classmates! I shall never condescend to dwell in the twilight with the steerage.

You, Sir, are a god among men. Thank you for informing me of this wondrous device!

I refused to use a knife when I was a kid. But I learned the hard way to use it...

Nevertheless I still prefer food that needs a spoon or fork only.
I love to use a "cream spoon" when eating soup from a big mug.

But in general public I use silverware the way NT's do.