had enough, cant sleep and decided to quit University..

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sorry if this sounds like i am just complaining..

i think enough is enough... ive been in my bed since 01:00 trying to sleep and its now 03:22...

i am suppose to attend my First Latin lecture in the morning, but seeing since i cannot sleep its just no use...as when i dont get atleast 8 hours of sleep i get a sensory overload from the simplest of things...

so i think its time i faced the big problem head on and was honest with myself.. sure i am smart enough to do well in my BA, but my problems hold me down and so i cannot make it work..ever since i started University ive been stressed out of my mind.. the first 5 months was ok as i was riding on the high of attending university, but now i see that it will just be allot of sleepless nights and failed exams...as what can i do without sleep?

i think perhaps i should look at different ways of finding a purpose in life, i dont understand myself very well, but from what ive read and so on AS seems to give me good opportunities with animals and so on....i dont know.. but maybe it could be something i can look into...

i dont know, i feel like a failure....why on earth must i be like this, there is no reason for why i should be punished like this.. i hate it...i am like a dysfunctional person who only becomes a burden upon everybody else....why cant i make it like everybody else? if i could just make it on a normal 9 to 5 i could make my own money and so on.. that would be good...but oh no.. i am living on money from the government because i dont function...now there's a self esteem booster! there is nothing like knowing you cannot make your own living...wohoo cheers for the gifted smart guy....see how well his genius helped...

its 03:33 (me like nice numbers) and i guess its time to look into new work related things....since i cant sleep and all...

I can totally relate. I withdrew from college midway through my junior year, about four years before my diagnosis. I was always tired, was missing classes, and just didn't care anymore, and didn't want to waste everybody's time and money (mny own most definitely included). I never went back, and though it was a hard decision with a lot adjustments and problems following after, it was the right one.

It can be hard to look at not making it for anyone, but especially us, because of how much focus and energy it takes us by default to do something drawn out and labored, like getting a four (or more) year degree.

The huge positive, possibly life changing positive for you, is that you know your limits, what you can and can't do, when you are simply struggling with something, and when it is time to walk away. Though I often set myself to be in hard situation (near constantly before diagnosis, not so much after), I know when I've reached my limit, like I did in college, though I didn't know why it was my limit, or how I got there. This is a huge beginning to understanding yourself. Once you know your limts, you will know when to push yourself (and expand your limits) or when to walk away. You can then grow confidence in yourself and find what makes you happy. We all have ideas about what makes us happy, but that is not the same as knowing, and finding that takes time and self-awareness (and even then, what you find makes you happy may surprise you!).

I'm kind of rambling and repeating myself, but to sum up: leaving college for you is not a failure at college, but a success at knowing yourself, and building on that will help set on a good path to get through life and find purpose.

Oh, and as far as being smart but not practical (a summary of what you were saying at the end, I hope my take is not being glib): again with the knowing and accepting of limits (much easier said than done, I know...). Also, society works in a complementary fashion, and though you need help from others in having a living, your particular talents and smarts could make a huge difference in the lives of people who are practical, but not nearly as smart.

Did the same here on my 2nd year. I want to go back... when I have my head sorted enough to go back.

It's no use being smarter than everyone else when you can't jump through the hoops.

I ran into similar problems in University. My first year seemed to go well, but in my second year I started having the same problems. i couldn't sleep and ended up missing some classes a few weeks in a row. It got to the point where, even though i was really tired, I would be so worried about not being able to sleep and missing classes that I would actually cause myself to not be able to sleep. I ended up dropping out just before the end of my second year. I am the same way with lack of sleep as well. If i don't get a full night sleep I find it dificult to make it through the day. I found it pretty hard to NOT feel like a failure, and I still find it hard because I've struggled since then. What made it more difficult was that my family didn't understand my reasons for wanting to leave school and just thought I was giving up or being lazy. Leaving school was definitely not an easy decision to make but I didn't really see what else I could have done at the time, especially considering I had no knowledge of AS at the time.

well, college is a person's first opportunity to stay up to ridiculous hours, without someone shoving you out of bed in the morning.

You need to relax. This sort of pressure is present throughout life. It's something that your body can handle now, as opposed to later when you're older.

I will say this; if you have the ability to stay in school, do it. It's a lot more comfy in there than it is out here, and there aren't many jobs to be had.

Hang in there.

I'm in a similar situation. Toying with the idea of dropping out to (hopefully) attend a 16-week course at a trade school. I'm on my third school and third major in three years. None of my professors have been able to understand why someone with my level of intelligence (I'm no genius, but I'm theoretically capable of succeeding in higher education) has done so poorly. I think their pity is why I haven't failed a class yet.

Can you take a leave of absence? So perhaps you could return after having some time to sort yourself out. I don't know if that's allowed.

Yes, it is a tough row to hoe. I have flopped, gone back and flopped again, and finally weeded myself through it. I had top grades for the most part, but a combination of cycling through depression from not being as successful socially as in the classroom and too high of expectations- read perfectionism- really made everything a grind for me. I think in the end that you should step back and try to figure out what you want to do. Just doing something because you are supposed to is a quick way to failure. Is it the workload, or is it something else causing you so much stress? Removing yourself from the situation might temporalily give you the escape you want, but in the end you will still have to make some difficult decisions.

Hi and thank you all so much for replying to my "rant":)

i have decided that i will try it for a little more, i did not make the first Latin lesson, but i have another lesson in a few hours so i will try to attend that one and see how it goes...

i really love going to university, the whole experience is quite nice... but i do need to work on handling stress better, i will try to get a heart rate monitor (From the film Ben X) as then i can see if i stress and i can then calm myself down accordingly.. i will also go to bed even earlier, last night i wet to bed at around 10:30 and slept until about 01:00 before i hit the wall...but i got to sleep at about 04:30 again and slept to 12:00, so hopefully i am good to go...



i dont have to pay much for university here about 35$ or so per year and so that's not an issue with me..and i have three try's per exam... so i have a pretty sweet deal...too bad i still cant do 100%....

i have also been thinking that i might look into a open university online if things dont work out with the "real" university...as then i am not bound by a certain time table and so the stress level should subside...

also, i dont expect a BA to do wonders for me when it comes to working, i was actually hoping to just stay in university until i had done everything they have there...i dont have any job ambitions, i have tried working before and i dont do very well at it...so studying seems like the perfect things for me...

well, into the breach again lads!

Vulcan, have you ever thought of doing something related to one of your special interests, it will motivate you a lot and even those modules that are more wider than your interests can be dealt with, as they are related in some form to your own interests. Also if you are doing it in your interest area attendance does not become critical, as long as you get the notes and materials (most universities now put materials online, so you can download them). After that you can take the initiative, as it is your passion and you can be imaginative/creative on your own. But this also depends on the area you are interested in, I think ...

sorry to be straightforward Vulcan, but aren't you too old for that? I'm only saying this because I finished my BA a few months ago at 25, had a few gap-years in between because I couldn't cope and now I really wish I was tougher and finished it earlier and didn't have to start with low-paid entry-level jobs now.

Glad to hear that you'e sticking it out, Vulcan.

I ended up retaking a year at uni, but finally got there. I should have got a better degree out of it, but hey, I guess any degree was better than no degree. I'm glad I stuck it out in the end.

The sleep thing is a bit Catch 22. I always get stressed because of a lack of sleep, but then can't sleep due to stress.

On a lighter note, when I was going through my couldn't sleep stages, I walked into a lecture 55 minutes late, because the next lecture (that I thought I was walking into) was in the same room (same class, different lecturer). I apologised for being late and couldn't understand why everyone was laughing. Anyway, they all thought I'd done it on purpose, and I went up in everyone's estimation that day as a joker

also, i was sooo lucky today as it turns out one of the lectures was canceled and the other was not very advancing in terms of book related stuff...so i can catch up quite easily...

now i will start to read tomorrow...i have some 20 books i need to read before may..