Another "Do I have ASS BURGERS?!" Thread

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Hello thar.

I've been lurking around these forums for the past couple of nights, and was wondering if a few of you could help me out. I know there are (probably) quite a few threads like this, and I'm a little embarrassed to be asking such a question. But hell, I'll just get it over with and brood over your replies (if I get any).

First off, I too have major issues with interacting with people. It's been like that my entire life (or rather, since I developed a personality), and this "severe shyness" has provided nothing but heartache and despair. The thing is though, I always prefer to be alone, simply because I enjoy it more.

I get wrapped up in my thoughts, and it seems like I'm always ignoring people. I'm monotonous, have trouble expressing myself verbally and emotionally, and most people take it as me being just another apathetic young adult (which I am, but I don't mean to be).

Being 19, I've tried on and off to get to know people. When I force myself into social situations (thinking, somehow, it'll make my life better and me happier) I get incredibly anxious and uncomfortable. I want to talk to people, but my mind just goes blank. When I do talk, it even sounds like I'm uncomfortable, anxious, and tense. I trip over my words, laugh at things that aren't even remotely funny (out of nervousness I think) and generally, I just suck.

I have very few interests unfortunately. I have a passion for philosophy and literature. That's really it, besides writing. If I'm not involving myself somehow with these subjects, I'm (I hate to say this) finding some way to escape reality via drugs (right now just cannabis, which also makes me feel a lot more content with my life), and video games. To battle my anxiety, I smoke tobacco, but I think it's just made it worse...as has my cannabis use. I'm also a freshman in college. Psych major (probably switching to philosophy and creative writing, heh).

I'm sick of trying to figure out how to "get" people. I'm sick of feeling detached from everything. I'm sick of feeling like I can't feel. People often think I'm weird or that I don't like them. It's saddening.

I approached my mom about Asperger's. Don't ask me why, but I just felt likes aspergers was the closest thing to a textbook definition of myself. Her reply was something along the lines of "You don't have Asperger's. People with Asperger's can't talk..."

Uh? lolwut? I stopped listening after that. I was a bit disheveled =/

Finally I'd like to say that I don't think this is entirely due to my depression or my low self-esteem. The fact of the matter is I'm good looking (it's difficult to admit that), I'm intelligent and socializing confuses the hell out of me. I've always thought of myself, simply, as a "thinking machine." I feel I'm here for the exchange of information and that's it. But, I've come to find out that a big part of living is being around people and communicating at a constant basis, which is just overwhelming for me. Success is made through networking?! How terrible.

At the same time, I have a desire for human contact that I just can't satiate no matter how hard I try. This has cost me potential lovers and friends alike, and I deal with this heartache every day.

Should I just shut up and go see a doctor? Thanks for reading.

Yeah, It does sound like you have it. In regards to getting a diagnosis, in my opinion, I would say get one. It definitely helps to know. Good Luck

It does sound like you could have it. Only one way to find out though. Good luck on your diagnosis.

Also, I would be careful about forcing yourself to be more social, if it means to talk more to people. I tried that and ended up with social anxiety that came with some horrible anxiety attacks. I used to sit there frozen with anxious thoughts and wanting to join in on a conversation. It also cost me a relationship with the most perfect guy for me. Now, that I know I have AS I don't mind if my mind wanders off or I find refrigerator magnets much more fascinating than the conversation my friends are having.

Actually, you CAN'T have aspergers if you are physically able to, and can't talk. The DSM says talking within 3 years(It used to be within 2 years), and asperger said that people with AS had an advanced vocabulary. It DOES sound like you could have AS.

Thanks for the input guys. I appreciate it.

u know people sometimes i wonder where are those cheerios which have doctor licenses inside them

That's a point I was waiting for someone to bring up.

I'm actually hesitant about seeing a doctor just for that reason. I don't completely trust them. I figure I can still give a psychologist a chance if medicaid and my insurance can take care of most of the costs. Like others have said, a diagnosis might help.

Don't want to crush your spirits on this or anything, but even an official diagnosis can be wrong. These people are only good for making your label official, not making it any more than it already is.

I've said countless times that you should focus on symptoms and not labels. If you're having problems and want to get better with them, then discuss it with somebody who can help. You don't need a diagnosis for that.

Crushing my spirits? I'm not exactly gung-ho about it. I'm merely taking others opinions into consideration, which means thinking about a psychologist and ways to pay for it, if I choose to go that route.

Who would you suggest would be competent enough to discuss this with? I'm wary about trying another therapist. I had a lot of trouble talking to my last two. Just ended up being a waste of time (not to say that my last therapist wasn't very nice. I just didn't know what to say).

Do the Aspie-quiz, see that it says.

Besides doing some research on asperger's, I did a couple tests. One of them was a 170 (?) question test. I can't find the link right now but I got a 166 out of 200 for asperger's. On the Baron-Cohen test I got a 31.

Honestly though, those tests don't mean much to me at all. I'm more concerned with the information I've gathered.

The self-assessment with the larger number of questions, was probably the one by rdos.

i don't know where you live, but i know that in canada and also in the uk, these sorts of things are covered by our provincial/national health insurance. if you live in one of these places or if dr's bills aren't a concern, i would say remember that you can always ask for a second opinion. the importance of the doctor/patient relationship cannot be understated, especially in the case of psychiatrists/psychologists. you need to feel comfortable confiding in this person, and you need to feel confident in their competence. if you see a doctor and you don't feel these things then you have every right to ask to see a different doctor, and to keep doing that until you find one that you can establish a rapport with. the feeling should be one of a team effort.

and btw, you sound like a pretty classic case to me, and shouldn't find it too difficult to get a diagnosis if that is what you choose.

hope this helps

Thanks for the info, Starvingartist

I live in the US, so doctors bills are a concern. If I do end up getting one, I'll definitely keep your advice in mind. I learned that with my last therapist, the main reason why it didn't work out was because I had so much trouble establishing that connection. Plus, I only met with her a few times before I had to leave school (for financial reasons).

I don't know... The main thing that you've said that does match up is the thinking machine part, and the


Shyness is not a diagnostic criteria of AS. Some people with AS are shy, and have all the nervousness shy symptoms you refer to, whereas others are the opposite.

I am personally the opposite, and out of the AS people I've met in my life, half have been shy, and have overly outgoing like me. But because we are outgoing/loud/extremely talkative, doesn't mean we aren't still socially inept (a.k.a. talking at the top of our lungs on and on about our interest and not listening to anything the other person says is a good example of that).

At any rate, you seem to put a lot of emphasis on shyness, and I wouldn't say shyness is something specifically related to AS.

But of course, the aspie quiz is actually not too bad an indication, and I'm sure there's more you haven't mentioned that might be quite important here.

Do you:

Have a tendency to talk in loops, on and on, obsessively about the same things?

Do you get completely obsessed with your interests that you ignore all else?

Are you unable to focus on more than one thing at a time?

Are you considered naive?

Do you often not understand sarcasm, and are the last person to get a joke?

Do you have any sensory issues, so as aversion to bright light/loud noises, or oversensitivity to particular types of fabric/materials (for example, the feeling of pulling a too tight sock on my leg makes me nauseous like I'm going to throw up, and touching velvet has always given me the same reaction)

I could think of more here, and some are probably less relevant but this might help a little. Anyway, you cannot know for sure unless you get a diagnosis from a doctor. If you feel the doctor is incompetent, try a second opinion.

I think, if after reading this site you get a feeling of belonging, like finally talking to people of the same species as you, and you relate to 95% of the posts, it could be worthwhile seeing a doctor.

I definitely put a lot of emphasis on my shyness. I think that's because it's been such a burden, and has affected me greatly. I still feel like I missed out on the perfect girl for me (I'm bisexual). I was completely obsessed with her for a year, though she was only an acquaintance. That obsession just made me avoid her unnecessarily, or hang on to her slightly more than she was comfortable with. At least that's how I saw it. She never said anything about it one way or the other. That's sort of off topic though, isn't it...

Honestly, I hardly have a tendency to talk at all. When I feel forced to, like in a social situation, I'm always talking about something related to philosophy, logic, and the abstract. Everything else that people talk about just seem to be useless information, like filler noise. What's worse, it's boring. I've been told quite a bit that my silence makes people uncomfortable. I've heard that it was even annoying once. I didn't know I was being...annoying.

I would say that my thoughts (since I also talk to myself about my observations) loop when I get particularly anxious about a situation or when I subconsciously feel a need to "reinforce" anything that I've observed for optimal understanding, I suppose. Another example would be when I was obsessed with the girl I had mentioned earlier. I had found someone to confide in in college, and often when she would talk, I'd often try to relate whatever she said to this girl, and would go on and on about her. That doesn't sound aspie-related though, just a symptom of a broken heart.

As far as my interests though, yes. They always become obsessions. I must have spent hours and hours researching beat literature, creative writing, Buddhism, psychedelics/pharmacology, etc. I would say these interests seem more like friends to me than people. Such obsessions keep me going.

Furthermore, I've always been told I ignore people, or I look like I'm always deep in thought. I've always been bored around people, but I never thought I showed it until recently.

I find it incredibly difficult to multitask, but this is because I prefer to give my undivided attention to everything I do. It's just my nature.

One of the most hurtful things I heard was that I was stupid. I was told "You have the book smarts, but as far as understanding people, you're an idiot." My mom always says I'll get stepped on throughout my life, or that I put too much trust in people. I've realized this too, but unfortunately, I don't trust anyone anymore. I've been screwed over a few times. Mostly, this is drug related. I've been screwed over with bad mushrooms twice. Still bitter...and a little confused. I'm sure many people see me as naive. I only feel misunderstood.

I'm quite good at understanding jokes and most of the time, I get sarcasm. Some people think my own sense of humor is strange, but I chalk that up to my quirkiness.

I don't think I have sensory issues. I do recognize small noises. My mom and her husband breath especially louder than I do. Though I know this is due to them being slightly overweight, it just gets to be so much I have to leave the room (I sound like an ass don't I?). Other annoying sounds include chewing, and loud televisions. I have terrible eyesight, and bright lights annoy the s**t out of me. Strobe lights kinda make me dizzy, but my fascination with the blinking outweighs the occasional headache.

Finally, I feel a sense of connectedness with these forums, and with a lot of people here, but maybe that's something that goes beyond the NT-AS spectrum.