Problems at Jobs, Anyone?

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I've landed a new job real recently ( within last 1 1/2 month) and I thought I was doing well, until I was called into my boss's office. Apparently, some of my co-workers think I'm bizarre and act odd and they say they have difficulty working with me. I was totally unaware of this, as no one had pointed it out to me before this meeting. I'm rather hurt that no one would tell me to my face, and instead told my superiors and not me. I guess I tried to converse and "be like them" a bit too much and it failed miserably, since I'm not very good at this. I've resolved to not talk much to anyone and only deal with others there when absolutely necessary--- this way I can't offend anyone or make them uncomfortable. But it still hurts me inside and I admit I am jealous--- other people seem to relate to each other so easily and they even hang out outside of work and become friends, and I feel like a square peg in a sea of round holes. I don't feel a sense of belonging and don't think I ever will ( especially now with the recent developments), and I wonder if it was a mistake to get this new job, even though it is what I want to do. Anyone else have this sort of difficulty before, and what did you do to relieve/better the situation?

I have only had a very few problems at work. At my last one, a bunch of guests complained about me. My boss could have fired me for that but she didn't. My boss even stood up to me too when my co workers would treat with with disrespect.


I put I work alone because I do. There is no team work, I am by myself. Only time there is team work when we are all asked to do something like bring a bunch of chairs up to the suite or grabs the laundry bins and bring them down to MH or bring them up to the loading dock or grab a bin of clean linen and put them on each floor in the closet. Still no problems.

Be careful, I was in similar situation, and i did an outburst and was fired. SEEK HELP. Get your foundations and your confidence about the work environment. Get help through private psychologist

This was before I knew I had AS. I quit my last job because my boss retired. The new boss I hated. And the new crew that was added to my department. I hardly talked to them. It was hell being with one jerk that made stupid jokes. I really wanted to tear him apart, but I decided not to. Only had one girl that talked to me. It was very lonely, so I quit. And never regretted it.

every time i have worked with people, i have had problems...particularly with meltdowns, whistle-blowing and social justince and fairness and corruption concerns.

thse days i work purely on my own. no problems since i realised i could not work with others or understand the complexities of how they operate en-masse.

I've gotten along with 95% of the people I've worked with, which is probably normal. The few I have had issues with has bothered me because I felt like even if I kept to my work, I got drawn into office politics that I wanted no part of. I was expected to take part in the petty rivalry between different departments that was going on before I got there.

I also expect people to obey the rules of the workplace and get annoyed when people think they are special and attempt to get away with breaking the rules. You point that out to them what they are doing wrong and they make excuses.. I hate that. At that point, the big boss needs to step in and be the bad guy. I had a boss that loved being the bad guy. I liked that.

If you're working with mature people; you're more likely to be okay. If your workplace is more like a high school cafeteria, then a red flag should go up. Hopefully, you'll figure this out before you get committed to a job.

Don't worry if your workmates don't become friends. Find other people who are more into what you like. But it doesn't hurt to go out of your way to be friendly and take initiative to get to know someone. I think this will work for you and then maybe your workmates won't think you are so different after all, or better yet.. will respect you because you are.

"A". I solve it easily always, by resigning now I can't find any job again though, owing to the crisis... But I guess I'd better go through hard times rather than through meltdowns (or breakdowns, I still hesitate if I name them correctly in English). So, I hope to find some occupation requiring less communication with people in person, I can see this as the only way to comfort at work. My problem is that I can't hide my opinions about people, so I'd better talk on the phone with them and don't meet anyone in reality...
skahthic, FrogGirl - so true, so true...

I've been unable to keep a job for more than a few months since I started working around '92... so... about 16 years now... The longest job I held was 18 months and the reason why I held that job so long is because my bosses were abusing me by not paying me what they had promised to pay me (actually about $20k less than promised) and were hoping that I would just not leave despite being abused that way. Difficulty maintaining jobs is the only reason I got an official diagnosis -- twice now because I expect the state to require a neurologist's diagnosis, not just a psychologist. Similar stories on my end... apparently people are too chicken-shit to tell me if I make them uncomfortable and instead just conspire to get rid of me without talking to me about their issues.

Post Aspie-dx (about 39 years old) I did a lot of reviewing; what jobs didn't work, which jobs did.

I learned the jobs where I thrived were/are the contract, short-term, seasonal type gigs. One big reason: I'm there long enough for my technical skills to impress, but not long enough for icky office politics to trip me up. About the time I feel I can't go another day without beating every other coworker on the nose with a rolled up newspaper and yelling, "COMM-UN-I-CATE!! !" the gig is over and I know I won't see them for several months. Or a year. Or ever again.

That, and I get bored in one place too long. I like the changes of scenery.

Since then I've started shifting into a lot more contract/seasonal work. It's hard getting a financial leg up, but I'm gradually making progress.

Good luck!

- Jo

I've been pretty fortunate in my job--I've been here for about 5 1/2 years or so. Most people tend to think of me as quirky and are pretty understanding with me. I've raised a few eyebrows here and there and shot off a few emails that maybe weren't such a good idea, but overall no serious problems. Most of my serious problems tend to be when there is a more interpersonal relationships, for which I only have one--my wife (and we are currently in counseling).

There have been a few times I've said things to friends and co-workers that I have had to apologize for though. My younger brother though is going to need some help; he's already been fired from two jobs (he's 17). I believe they were legit firings, but quite possibly a result of being Asperger (he tended to become overly focused on non-important items at the expense of important items).

skathic, I cringed when I read your OP, because that's what happens to me at every job. I make an enormeous effort to fit in and be liked, then I'm soon informed that they don't like me. Except for 2 places that were unusually tolerant of oddities, I never get to 2 years at a job, in spite of making the utmost efforts to fit in. What did your boss ask you to do about it and what did you promise him?

JoJerome, indeed I've been thinking lately that permanent temping could be the solution for me. I don't like it, but I have to earn a living somehow.

skahthic: I've had this difficulty before. If you could ask your boss to be more specific about what the complaints were about it might help. Also, make sure you know your rights. During one work evaluation in my mid-twenties, the manager was quite specific about some of the complaints; e.g., they said one problem was that I did not smile. However, I learned from co-workers that the purpose of the evaluation was not for constructive feedback, but to make sure certain employees did not attempt to renew their contracts, which were due to end a few days later. They picked on as many things as possible in the evaluation, most of which were based on false assumptions, not facts. The manager had based the report on co-workers' opinions; they barely knew me because we did not work closely and I was very quiet.
The manager selected me as the one in the group they could most easily get rid of. I was hard-working and efficient, but they'd somehow completely overlooked this, focusing only on communication difficulties and body language. Another guy in a similar position knew how to blend in and understood "the game", which he described to me, saying he hates it but it's necessary to play to stay employed. He was kept on.

The manager, reading out the evaluation, was very harsh and knew it was my first job. They told me I couldn't return and to try a different field of employment because no one had been evaluated so poorly before. There had been no prior warning anyone had a problem with me. The job mostly involved re-stocking the floor, something I was very efficient at doing, so had not suspected anything was wrong. Many elements of the experience have been repeated in every job I've had. It's very destructive. To better the situation, I sought jobs where they really needed me (e.g. in a school in a deprived area that no one else applied for) and that required a lot of independence and tolerance for isolation. But it still hasn't worked out for long, due to misunderstanding any social aspects and office politics.

My supervisors have told me I don't blend in with the others enough and they've tried to encourage me to be more social at work and to watch out to not get too isolated. I haven't told them I have AS, so they don't understand why I don't fit in with the others and why I'm a social outcast.

I know that most of my co-workers think I'm strange and that some of them are uncomfortable with me being different from the rest of them. I know that in my current job I don't stand a chance to get promoted. I have the best working skills in my department, but I'm not enough social, extroverted and popular and sadly that seems to be more important to them than my performance.

I have quit many jobs in the past because I had started hating my job or the people I worked with. I've never been fired, I always quit before it gets that bad.

My problem has more to do with job interviews than with jobs: my talk in the interview as little more than monossillabus ("Yes", "No"...), and usualy I am considered the worst candidate.

In my job, I am considered very good in solving difficult problems and very bad on giving attention to details and in having a "normal" social behaviour (one time, when the administration changed, my dirext chief said to me "The new administrators don't know you and they are not used to you. In first times, we will try that they have little contact with you. If you have to talk with them, try to have a behaviour according to the uses of the civilied people"). Adding all, I am considered a regular worker..