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I don't know who else to talk to this about, so here goes. Ever since I was young, other kids have thought i was a little "odd" I have difficulties with organization, spatial relations, memory and social interactions. None of these problems went away as I got older. I was in special education from 2nd grade on and did some occupational therapy. I could not correctly hold a pencil, tie my shoes (had to go with Velcro for a while) or follow objects with both of my eyes. MY handwriting was illegible when I was young, and though it improved is still incredibly sloppy. When having conversations, I often find i am unable to suppress my internal thoughts and say things that are incredibly random with no transitional statements. People have described me as "fidgety"; I find I am at times unable to stop jiggling my foot or leg, tapping my fingers, or touching my hair. These habits seem to correlate to my levels of stress, and are exacerbated when I experience long periods of insomnia and depression. I've never seen a psychologist, but often I experience mood swings and have panic-attack like symptoms when in situations I find uncomfortable (ie. parties, lots of people I don't know, pretty girls...) I have never had a successful relationship and often end up ruining them through my oddities. I enjoy English, or more specifically words. I had a pretty good vocabulary from a young age but have always had trouble with the organizational and syntactical aspects of writing and conversation. I have trouble holding eye contact and often have abnormal posture; I sometimes feel the compulsion to stick my hands in my pockets, bend one knee while keeping the other straight, hunch my back or stare at my feet. While attempting to sleep, these compulsions grow stronger and I am in no way in control of them. I find myself inexplicably nervous in normal situations; my palms sweat, I can't go to the bathroom with people around me. I've always been very self conscious and insecure about my body image, and as much as I like to pretend I don't care what people think I know that I do. Which brings me to the problem at hand; I am 18 years old and enrolled as a freshman at Elizabeth Town college in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. All of the aforementioned symptoms have increased tremendously in degree and intensity since I have begun my independent life, most notably in the second semester. They tend to subside a little when I go home for holidays. I have intense cravings for privacy sometimes and am unable to be by myself when at college. I occasionally experience what I believe to be auditory hallucinations of varying severity; I imagine people are talking to me or about me when they are not, misunderstand what people are saying or misread nonverbal cues. I have been described as "paranoid" and "nervous" I have an addictive personality and smoke tobacco as well as marijuana. I drink coffee as well. These activities relax my compulsions and allow me to "stop thinking," something I am often completely incapable of doing. I find that at times I have the tendency to live within my own mind, imagining complex scenarios and day dreaming when I should be paying attention. My voice has been described as "mono-tone" or flat. When in public places (malls, movie theaters, cafeterias) my heart rate increases dramatically and I feel short of breath. Also, I occasionally speak unintelligibly. I recently consulted the Wikipedia page on Aspergers syndrome and discovered that most of the symptoms described were the ones I myself experience daily. I always thought I was imagining my defects and that they would go away if I just suppressed them, but it seems that they are only getting worse. I can't tell my parents or friends because I have never mentioned any of these things before, and they would most likely chalk it up to "stress" But I think it's worse than that; sometimes I feel that I am going genuinely insane. What should I do? Tell my parents? Tell my doctor? How do I know I have Aspergers? If I do, what do I do about it? If I don't, what DO I have? Do I have anything? Please respond to this if you have even the slightest bit of helpful information. Anything would be beneficial, at this point.

Ok, I think you are freaking yourself out a bit

Copy/ paste everything you just wrote from here into notepad.

Make an appointment for you normal doctor for "a check up, and some other concerns you would rather talk to your doctor about."

When you go to your appointment take what you just copied/pasted with you are use it for reference when you go to the doctor, or make 2 copies and give him one to look at while you talk about it.

Oh, and welcome to the site.

Detren gave you excellent advice, IMO. And welcome to WP!

- You should try and calm down a bit and take an objective step back. You'll be OK. You're processing a lot of stuff. It will all get sorted out, but first you have to be in a state of mind to properly do that.

- Telling your parents can be helpful, if they are open-minded caring people, which hopefully they are. I wouldn't blurt out that you have Asperger's or you are going crazy. I would calmly explain the symptoms you experience and ask what they think.

- Telling your doctor is a good idea, if you have access. Get a professional perspective. They can help guide you towards some resolution.

- Just read enough about Asperger's, and if there is no doubt in your mind that it explains everything you are going through, then you probably have it. I came to a similar realization. If you then really think you have it, then get an evaluation from a professional.

- Understanding is the key to AS. Right now it's still new to you. Spend some time on WP and read everything you can about AS. You'll get some clues as to what the next steps for you are.

- If you don't have Asperger's, you'll realize it soon enough. Take some screening tests and see what you think. Here's a good one: http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

- You might have something. It sounds like you're having some difficulties with life in general. That's concerning, and there might be something wrong. That's why you're posting here in the first place. Just look after yourself and take some careful steps towards understanding what is going on. Talk to your family, to your doctor, to us. Then you can figure out what to do about it.


It's really going to be alright. Just chill and spend some time researching Asperger's and Autism Spectrum Disorders, if that is what you think might be causing some of your problems.

Hi there, welcome to the Wrong Planet! I think you've found a place that can help you with some of your anxiety.

Acacia and the others have given you great advice. I would also suggest that you just sit still for a few minutes, try to breathe slowly, and tell yourself "I am a valuable and beautiful human being. I have much to offer this world. My way of perceiving things and doing things might be different than some, but that's OK. I don't need to be like everyone else. I accept myself as I am, and I can determine the goals that are most valuable to me, and work towards them."

Don't try to suppress your "defects." That will make you more anxious because you are constantly afraid that you will loose control and let the "defects" show. Just calmly observe your own behavior and see if it is behavior that helps or hinders your progress towards your goals. If it hinders, come back here and ask your friends on the WP how they have dealt with the same issues.

Now the auditory hallucinations and unintelligible speech are things that you should definitely tell a doctor. Those can be caused by physical problems that have nothing to do with Aspergers.

Keep us posted on how you are doing. We care.

Whoah!
That's a lot of detailed information in a long column of text.

Have you ever considered becoming a journalist?

With some basic organisational/document/paragraph layout training, you could be really good.

Organisational skills can be learnt and practiced. I'm living proof of this lol You should have seen some of my old essays: they really were abysmal . There are lots books/resources available on organisational skills. Lots of people have issues with these skills so you're not alone.

You seem really smart.
And I know smart.
I'm actually slightly jealous of your English language prowess, but in good way.

I couldn't find a single grammatical or spelling mistake in all of that.

You have a very fluid style of writing too. It could be very useful in the future.

As for "not holding a pencil properly", it never stopped me. I still don't hold a pencil or pen "properly" (it's too painful for my fingers) or have fantastic handwriting. It didn't stop me acing my exams though. The handwriting just had to be legible enough to be marked.

If you believe that your issues with stress are preventing you from completing assignments/working effectively, I recommend going to see a "College Counselor" or informing your teachers/course instructors. It's their duty to help you.

If you have a student resources/study support centre on site I strongly recommend going there. They'd probably have lots of useful information and resources on writing and organisational skills.

Like other other posters have said.
Stay calm, take a step back and look at your situation objectively.
Seek relevant help/advice.
Things can be worked through.

Hope this helps.

I think it is very possible that you might have Aspergers.

If you want to know for sure, I do think you should talk to a professional to find out. However, in my experience, most regular doctors know surprisingly little about Asperger syndrome.

I have a 7 year old son with Aspergers. His pediatrician recently suggested we "completely change everything about his diet" to address some gastrointestinal problems he has been having. When I told her that it is not so easy to suddenly and completely make such a large change for a small child with AS, she looked at me like I had lost my mind. She had no idea why that would be difficult.

I've seen this same cluelessness with most medical doctors when it comes to AS. In my opinion, doctors are very good at what they normally do -- diagnose and treat medical problems. AS, however, is outside of their usual area of expertise. For AS, you should probably seek out a psychologist -- preferably one that has relevant specialized training. Psychologists usually seem to recognize my son's AS quickly -- doctors never seem to.