Female Aspies coping with life alone

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Following a typical female-Aspie-alone incident, I got to wondering how many female Aspies there are on WP having to deal with the tough aspects of being a woman alone...

Dealing with the world outside, car mechanics, men, prejudice, and all those things that are harder on women alone than on men alone...

(The guys are also invited to post, about being a male alone, if needed)

Fortunately, I am at that point in my life and career when I can hire someone to do the lifting.

Before, I had a lot of pulled muscles. And people trying to rip me off - the mechanic at Midas who tried to tell me I needed four new struts at $600 (on a 4 year old car?) when I brought it in to get the brakes, which were under warranty, fixed - who didn't realize I'd rebuilt the engine on my first car and probably knew more about cars than he did....

The prejudice, that's harder to get along with. As far as being alone, I think I've always been alone, even when I lived with my family as a kid. I certainly couldn't depend on them in a tight situation, so I just learned to cope on my own. It gets easier, the longer you do it. Except for the heavy lifting. That just gets harder as you get older.

But hiring someone to carry a microwave oven down the stairs...doesn't it get expensive? They take half the price of a new oven just for coming over!

What to do with a heavy object that's difficult to get rid of? Bury it? Cut it up? Burn it? No! Dynamite it! Can't do that indoors though!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGVkHl-nBhE[/youtube]

Yeah I struggle with the manual labour stuff.

I have a hand trolley so I can shift furniture or heavy stuff around. This house has carpet so you can also just drag stuff on carpet.

I drive a 3 yr old car so I don't have to do much repairs (that's the main reason I bought it), just have it serviced it once a year. I located a mobile mechanic in my town and they come to you, so I don't have the problem of getting someone or a taxi to drive me home from the garage and drop me there the next day. He's actually the local tractor/truck repairer (this is a rural area) but he also does cars. You have to buy low mileage or 'reliable' brand cars to minimise your repair costs. I've found Hyundai (don't know what they're called in other countries) pretty good for low maintenance cars, but my current one is a Daihatsu. Over here Korean cars tend to be the cheapest to purchase, so there'd be equivalents for your area. You may want to look at getting a loan to get you into a low mileage car, provided you feel the conditions of the loan suit you.

As I'm on a small acreage and only been here a year, there's a lot of 'guy' stuff I'm still trying to work around. I have a small chainsaw and can cut up branches, but not actual trees and trunks of trees, so I'm going to put an ad in the paper and see if I can find a wood cutter - it's easy to find people who will fell trees but not so easy to find people who will cut them up for firewood (I have wood heating). I have a large felled tree cluttering up a field at the moment (previous owner felled it as it was under power lines) so I may even call the local Lions Club (community charity org) to see if they want to cut it up for firewood as they often raffle a trailer full of firewood as part of their fundraising.

It's something you have to factor into your choices, the fact you can't do heavy stuff. I have a plastic chest of drawers and I love it. I bought smallish dogs because I didn't want pets I couldn't lift if they got injured, so it's like that, in the future don't buy stuff you can't lift.

I tried joining a local bible study group in order to find people who will help you out at such times, but that all went 'pear shaped', they don't really believe in the bible, they're kind of moving towards a SDA/jewish christian thing (saturday sabbath and the torah) so it aint my thing.

I hope to get into some volunteer work or like minded Xtian group at some stage. Is there nothing of that nature you can do, hobby/fitness maybe (I know you tried some walking group without much success) but I think you have to keep looking for something along those lines too.

How many levels are you up in your building? If it isn't too high(such as no higher than the second or third floor) then you can shove it out the window(if it will fit) and watch it crash to the ground. It is kind of fun to watch. T.Vs make the biggest crash. Just make sure that no one is under it when you do it.

I am chronically lonely due to lack of social interaction. The type of interacting that I do doesn't really make me feel less lonely either.

As I will never marry or have children, and am getting older, the alone thing will sneak up on me eventually. Having partners does not mean that I don't take myself places or do heavy lifting..etc..My main partner is as executively dysfunctional as I am, if not more...

I figure that when I am alone, I will scale down my life and my belongings and whatnot...Probably really throw myself into my art and music..and try to make my cost of living as minimal as possible. That is what I did the last time I was alone.

I will ask neighbours to help if I cant manage something. I am so full of shame at who I am that a little extra doesnt bother me I find that most people will help you carry something if you ask them.

I also exercize with weights as it makes me feel more independant and it does make a difference as I have moved things for my mother that she couldnt lift. It makes doing all chores easier so I would thouroughly recomend it.

I find I experience more prejudice for not having partner most when I do things that are to do with my children (home school clubs, social services, friends). People are just that little bit more snobbish and discriminatory.

my mum has always been alone since I was 8 and she has had problems at work with teasing about being single. She has found its easier as she has got older as by her age now (59) most women she knows are single. She now even has friends with strong sons to lend you to move stuff! She has a nice situation now and her friends help each other out for example picking each other up from hospital after operations.

I don't think I could make it living alone. Thankfully I don't.

Living alone would be like a dream come true for me. I know it's not the perfect existence or anything (I'm not completely deluded about it like that), but the idea of having complete and SOLE control over my life and space (without other people, namely my parents, constantly butting in) is something that really appeals to me at this stage of my life.

I know I sound like a spoiled brat, but I really am currently doing my best at working towards independence at the moment (working as many jobs as I can while I can, and saving as much as I can). However, my parents do not think I am nearly ready to live alone and completely look after myself

Interestingly, lifting heavy objects isn't something I dread much. I like the challenge, and find it funny when I max out.

I have moved 18 times since leaving home, so there have been times when I've had problems getting the furniture up and down the stairs, but the one time I couldn't manage, a neighbour came by and helped me up the stairs with it. The rest of the time I managed somehow. I can tell you, Ikea quick assembly is a single girl's friend. My next move I have a 100lb freezer so I will have to hire a man and a truck to help me. But I can't afford to move until I can afford to pay higher rent anyways, so the cost should not be an issue. You may be able to hire a man and a truck for small jobs. Or sometimes there are junk removers who will take your junk for a small fee.

I have a luggage cart that can take 75 lbs, and I've found from experience that I can lift it with 60 lbs or so onto the bus and off it again, so I used that when I was buying meat in bulk. Also, when I do trail work, I have found that if I take my time, I can use a hand saw to cut through trunks of downed trees. So far my record is about 6" diameter, but I've got my eye on an 18 incher for this summer. And I've never been good at splitting wood, but a long time ago I split core (tubes of rock) and my strength went from nil to muscle in the first week. It helps if there's no one watching while you build up your strength.

I do everything on my own and pay for things like siding and replacement windows for my house from contractors. I do my own painting, except for the exterior. Once I tried to paint the doors to all the cabinets in the kitchen and then I tried to put the doors back on. They wouldn't go on the same way!! ! I have no idea why. They wouldn't close all the way after I put them back on. I was frustrated after that, let me tell you. I took them off and put them back on at least a dozen times, having to unscrew the hinges, hold the door up with my shoulder, then rescrew the hinges again. Still they wouldn't shut!!
I am going to hire someone to do it for me after I repaint the cabinets. Maybe whomever I hire can figure it out, I can't. I will not screw those hinges in one more time.
I have been working in my kitchen all day, cleaning, ect. I bought a set of T-fal cookware and had to throw all the chipped cookware out because I don't like clutter. So, I got into organizing and once I start organizing I don't like to stop until everything is completed. I am going to call the town I live in, city hall, and get them to take some stuff I don't want, my microwave stand, for instance. I am tired of that stand. It's been here for years and it's time for a new one. So, I will be dragging that to the curb. I am going to get a lightweight television stand too and donate some coffee tables to the Salvation Army and hope they take them. (sometimes they won't take stuff, they are picky).
I have good luck with handymen, electricians, contractors, etc, car mechanics. It's not a big deal. I carry my own microwaves too, which reminds me, I need to get a new one of those.

I was raised to be independent as possible by my mother who was the same way. She learned early on to do as much as you can independently and not rely on people because they can let you down, she has experienced a lot of that in life. I am the same way. I don't like to rely on others.
I do my own shopping, my own cooking, my own driving, my own mowing, just...everything. It's up to me.

Last edited by ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo on 16 Jan 2009, 2:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

not currently. i share a house with my son's dad. BUt i can do anything. i've spent a lifetime being self-reliant and have been able to solve any problem like that aroud the house. now that i am hitting late 40's however, it's a bit different.

I get what you mean about the mechanics, greentea.

I used to live near a mechanic shop where my cousin worked so I would always take my car to him. He was expensive but I trusted him. Now in CA I have no one that I can trust like that and I'm terrified of being taken advantage of. (Husband's not a car guy)

I'm BOYCOTTING midas! Want to guess why? They said they had a muffler for my car but they DIDN'T! They jury rigged ANOTHER! That BROKE, of course. They gave me bad brake pads and DIDN'T honor their warranty! To this day, I feel that one company stole, or LIED, to commit insurance fraud with MY insurance!(As I recall, they got about $1000 PER CAR(they did this with dozens of cars supposedly)) I ALSO feel another guy pared back insulation on my battery cable to cause the acid to wick up(That cost over $100 for the cable which was designed in a RIDICULOUS way, and was hard to install. It was also PROPRIETARY!). MAN, that cable, less than a year later, looked like it was 300 years old. It LITERALLY turned to dust IN MY HANDS!(OK, the dust was probably cupric sulfate, but you get the idea.) I don't have the time, or equipment, to work on the car, so I fall prey to some of the same things.

BTW my mother has it WORSE! She doesn't even know what a strut is, and has NO access to info. I checked and, if true, the guy was asking her for over 4 times what it would cost. YEP, she was ALSO told her struts were bad. And SHE is apparently NT.

HEY, welcome to the world with STUPID ARROGANT GREEDY JERKS! BTW I have met women that were just as bad.