I'm bursting with envy

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All my life I looked for the answer to what made me different, and I always thought I'd never discover it. Now that I've been blessed with discovering it, there is a new question that's been gnawing at me for a few years and that I feel I'll never find the answer to.

The question is why is it that I never meet anyone even a bit similar to me. I see people on WP sharing on threads such as the one about the hippies, and I burst with revolting envy of them I see people on here talking about meeting unconventional types, leading unconventional lives at least for some time, having relationships with others who are not first and foremost about MONEY-STATUS-IMAGE-CONNECTIONS and let's test you to see how well you fit in with my parents and extended family, otherwise you're not good marriage material.

I only meet people who are only about this. So much so that during the day, until I come to WP, I am convinced that something's very wrong with me that I'm not into the pretending for image and backstabbing for status. I don't know anyone who isn't all about the highest sacred values of BLONDE/PROFESSIONAL DATE - MARRIAGE - KIDS - MORTGAGE - CAREER - COMPANY CAR - POSITION TITLE - LEATHER COUCH - GOOD UNIVERSITIES FOR THE KIDS. They all achieve these to varying extents, but their minds are solely on these things. And because I'm the only one with other priorities, I'm shunned as the weirdo for things that I wouldn't be if only I met someone more like me.

I can't stand this anymore. I should've posted this in the Haven.

Luckily, I have a family that is like me so we share our oddities together. What you are envious of, everybody here is to some extent.

My wife is nothing like me but I lucked out and found her, although it was through the internet.

But I do know how you feel, I hate what most people are like and I have to wonder how I ever survive in a world with people the way they are. I have never met another person even remotely like me, except on the internet. This is why, if I am diagnosed with AS, I plan to join an AS support group to hopefully make new friends.

Last edited by sbcmetroguy on 26 Jan 2009, 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The company we keep is the company we choose to keep.

When I finally left home (at eighteen) to go to college I couldn't wait to find other gay people like me ('cuz I was the only "out" person at my school). Naturally, I went to the schools' theater arts department and found some of "my kind". It was the start of a glorious new life for me as a young adult.

You just need to find your own version of a theater arts department. Then you can stop concentrating on what other people have and building on what you have.

jeez greetea you been moving in the wrong circles!!

i fell into weirdo-dom through an early intro to drugs - it was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me. and because i am a painter - well - that is one area where you are allowed to be freaky and weird. there is a lot more forgiveness of it. i recently went to an art exhibition opening. this i do once a year and i stay away from the social s**t of the scene. but i went to this opening BECAUSE the artist had AS like me. we met each other and both got overhwelmed. we knew we were going to meeet each other as art people has said to us we need to meet. We stood talking about how things have been for each of us.
he is an ex junkie like me, been to prison like me, has tatts like me , is a superbrain like me, been a sex worker like me (used drugs to dull the senses), stims, and lives in an alternative and bohemian world like me. he is just coming good and found out about his autism late in life like me.

Now, i could advise you on adopting the life course trajectory i have pursued. However, i might warn, it comes at a distinct cost. and one never quite knows whether one is going to come out alive. i really have lived a movie life. most women who have lived my life are dead. that's jsut a fact and i am not trying to coat things or exaggerrate there.

i have had an amzaing life. would not want to repeat it but would not want to swap it for anything.

go out and get drunk and laid or something.. and i do not mean that as a nasty comment. i really mean it - go and do something completley freaky for yourself.

i am here to corrupt.

Last edited by millie on 26 Jan 2009, 2:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wow are you ever going to be surprised attending an AS meeting. You need to read the recent threads on the subject from the past few weeks. Its rare to make friends at AS meetings. If you are set on going though you might as well go now even before diagnosis. In our AS group I'm the only one that is diagnosed and I think you will find the same situation in most groups.

I'm also one of a kind where I am.

I mean, sure, there was this boy in my ES class that was 'disabled'. But I didn't feel connected to anybody or anything at that time. I don't think I'll ever see him again.

Then there was the bully... so unlike me it doesn't make me feel very positive about AS.

And recently, I met a girl who was supposedly AS... I thought she was almost perfectly normal, just a few percent weirdness there, and I got angry about how not-normal I am compared to that.

I could go to AS meetings of adults in this area, but somehow I don't want to go. The idea repulses me. Meeting adults! I have a hard time conversing with normal adults usually.
And meeting autistic adults! Ones who may be overly verbal and great in any way that I am not because I'm a bit atypically AS/HFA. Urgh.

I'd like to meet those on WP. Like, everyone. Everyone with their different opinions and different ASD. I'm sure everyone would be utmost fascinating!

The two highest values in NT world are money and sex.

Last edited by Postperson on 26 Jan 2009, 5:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Posting in the haven won't make any difference.

I'm sorry you feel that way though <hug> hopefully you'll deel better soon.

Fear not greentea, I share the exact point of view that you express here, and I know this is a point of view that many so called NTs also share.
They just got caught up in the mess, and got no way out. At least me and you are not caught in the web, we are just helpless bystanders to the mess. I feel it too, also feel that nobody get hung up in the kind of issues I do, but there's always somebody.

Greentea I guess we have two choices in life we can pretend and never fit any way or just get on and be, do what makes you happy... I spent a life time trying so hard to fit in, have what I thought I needed and then found a stereo type existence will never make me happy... self belief and allowing to be, many never understand me, but I not them... no one life is prefect, but if you want something to happen the only way is to take action towards where you want to end up or be, not easy I know and like myself at times I feel we have been given the short straws in life, but the tide is turning and I feel change is inevitable for us all, time to stand proud

dont worry, its their loss, leading such dull and shallow lives...

It can be really hard sometimes, all right. I only really found myself a year ago and have started to feel things are falling into place now. That said, I tend to go years between really close friends. My last one was definitely an Aspie, a trail-running partner in the next town, from a similar background, many other similar qualities to myself. He developed cancer and died rather quickly a few years ago, leaving me feeling a little lost ever since. Unfortunately, promising relationships since then sort of die on the vine for the reasons you suggest--just not the same values. However, I've come to feel blessed if I meet a person like my running partner just once a decade. I have a friend who moved to another state, way more Aspie than I, a former co-worker with similar values, but whose special interests were very different than mine. I worried that we had nothing at all in common anymore, beyond being retired from the same place. But I was surprised, he has taken up birding and now knows way more than I do. So I guess all those years he shook his head at my crazy obsession, a new interest was taking root.

Stated as a fact the above statement is wrong, but you're entitle to your opinion.

very full of yourself today NQ!

This.