Can you understand me?!

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Hi everyone,

I've discovered this site through doing some research on the Net and was immediately drawn to your community

I'm 27, I work as a journalist and I've thought for some time now that I may suffer from Asperger's. I've always struggled a great deal with certain things, and this hasn't really tallied with other aspects of my nature, my levels of intelligence etc...if that makes sense!

The main thing I felt and feel I struggle with is understanding people and being understood - I appreciate that this is something everyone feels to a certain extent, but it feels different to just everyday problems finding people you can relate to: what I feel is really terror and immense frustration at being regularly misinterpreted by people

One of the main misconceptions is that I am rude or ignorant - I think this is largely based on my tone of voice and a lack of facial expression. What I find frustrating though, is that I am a hugely emotional and sensitive person, but I find it considerably difficult to express myself.

In addition to this, I struggle a great deal with forging relationships (people generally really like me but I find it hard to maintain any kind of intimacy for some reason), holding down employment (I have moved around a lot in my career and am currently freelance) and more practical things like, when I was younger at least, telling the time, operating technology and spatial awareness.

All of this caused me to go to see my doctor for a possible diagnosis around 18 months ago - however she didn't understand where I was coming from (ironically) and after palming me off on counsellors and mental health teams, I have yet to have any lengthy discussion with any professional about the problems I'm having.

If any of you could offer any insight into what I've mentioned it would be greatly appreciated - at the moment I fear I am drowning in a sea of blank faces

I can relate to some of the characteristics you listed, but I, unfortunately being the pessimistically hopeless person I've become, given up trying.

I can relate to the kind of thing you are talking about. For me it has been helpful to read books written by people with Aspergers - there are so many things about myself that I can recognise and realise that it is simply part of Aspergers, and this helps me feel not alone. Also a lot of books have really good practical advice. I just read Pretending to be Normal, by Liane Holliday Willey, and she gives lots of tips at the end of the book, and is very positive. Another book I liked was Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome, by Luke Jackson - he is 13, so it is not so relevant to adult life, but for me, it helped make sense of my childhood, and also to see my differences in a more positive way. Also Martian in the Playground, by Clare Sainsbury, was really useful to me.

As for getting a diagnosis, I'm really not sure how helpful it is anyway. I got one, so that I could have the choice to disclose, but it has not been helpful for me to disclose it. People can react in very unhelpful ways, and they start seeing me in more limited terms. Also, for self-understanding, I think it's quite clear to you if you have Aspergers, the more you read about it. It's defined by sets of behaviours and thought patterns - it's not something where you get a blood test to identify something specific in your blood or anything. And you know yourself better than a psychologist knows you. I knew that I definitely had Aspergers, and to me a diagnosis seemed on the whole an unnecessary thing to get - but I was getting frustrated with mentioning to friends that I thought I had it and receiving the reaction that I was being a hypochondriac. That was frustrating - it's not an illness, so recognising it in myself is hardly hypochondria. But I later found that 'friends' like that are not very helpful and supportive anyway, even if you have a diagnosis.

That's exactly the reason I seek diagnosis I guess - as you say, to be able to choose whether or not to disclose to possible employers....and I suppose also so I can 'explain my behaviour and nature' to those close to me who have, up until this point at least, struggled to understand me

Redrach, do you feel like this character who can't help behaving sarcastically?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MjMYQyhjiYA

I can relate to a lot of that. It does sound like Asperger's.

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Last edited by blackcat on 06 Dec 2008, 12:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Cheers for that Violet - you have brightened up my day with that YouTube clip!

If you get a diagnosis you can become "Aspie journalist, champion of justice!". At the very least you could make that a theme or something.

I can relate to a lot of this.
May i make a suggestion? if you wantt o pursue the possibility of a diagnosis, search out people who are specialists in Asperger Syndrome. Otherwise you can be sent on a wild goose chase. It is an area that requires a tad of special insight and knowledge and general practitioners may or may not be up on the diagnostic criteria, the traits you exhibit and express, and what you need to know. Hence the past year or so, that you have mentioned.

good luck on your journey and welcome to WP.

About labels, can we explain ourselves through labels? I am sceptical, because to me many of these medical labels (I am not discussing clear illnesses, that are defined in terms of affecting faculities and functioning) seem to be about certain traits, who says that these traits deserve a label or not? Are they just pathologised character traits? Are they just gathered (OK, mate, you have three out of five ticks in this diagnistic criteria I am assessing you through, therefore you have 'X') because they view it as a 'syndrome', because being introverted and generally a-social (it's all a degree) cannot be accepted as part of the norm? "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?", how many times do you hear that?

OK, the 'Aspie' is a bit more than just being introverted, but is just as different in other ways - naive with picking up social cues, likes sameness and is fearful of new things etc. Becuase of these things some are stuck a few years behind [if they will ever catch up], when all their friends are 'highly evolved' in meeting the 'norm', in the words of that excellent 'The Vines' song/tune. Isn't that the benchmark?

But is it a 'syndrome' or just a difference! Shouldn't social norms be accepting of this difference? There is a debate if Asperger's even is on the spectrum and just shares common traits with the spectrum, which to me is more convincing. I don't agree a lot with what Focault says, but he provides insight when he talks about the medical profession in relation to knowledge and power. Check out chapter 5 ('Focault and the medicalisation critique') from 'Focault, Health and medicine'.

http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=XFwH ... 1#PPA94,M1

It's even made worse with a consumer or consumption dominated society - you can't be detached, you can't value contemplation and introspection, you can't be introverted. Careers, hierachy, competition, status, married with a family, showing assertiveness etc. - they are gods. When you say 'X is a proud man/woman', it is no longer viewed as something negative. If the norm is seeking fulfillment in others, than can't we expect others to view these differences except as a pathology? Just some thoughts...blah, blah, blah....

traits should be labeled if they limit u in some way

I agree, to an extent. First, why call it a 'syndrome'? Is being excessively extroverted a 'syndrome'? Most American teengers are stereotyped with being excessively extroverted and celebrated in film, all sorts of advertisements etc. Hec, if you go to Facebook, everyone seems to putting up pictures of themselves in pubs, parties, sharing drinks and socialising. Excessive socialising is celebrated, a healthy life of a healthy man/woman. No 'syndrome' there. It also just happens to meet this ever need to be consuming, and should also be viewed within its greater social totality.

I agree Asperger's is indeed about limitations, but again limiting you from what? Whose lifestyle? Whose rules? Why is it even called a 'syndrome' and not labelled as a character type, after all we are all unique.

Hope that makes sense?

I agree that differences in nature and behaviour should be embraced - in fact, I've always been determined to set myself apart from the rest of the 'sheeple' (love this word!)

However, my difficulties became impossible to ignore and did/do feel like a disability - in this case, I think labels are not only important but necessary.

Millie - thanks for your comments, they are really helpful to me at the moment. I did mention to my (next to useless) GP that I would prefer to be seen by an Aspergers specialist but I was given the deaf ear a bit methinks, since I never saw one. I have ended up, after a long journey, at a homeopathic hospital about to start autogenic training - I've mentioned Asperger's to them but they say it's not really necessary for me to know whether or not I 'have it'

I would suggest that Britain is sadly a country where stuff like this gets brushed under the carpet, if it is even recognised at all.

I feel I have been struggling quite a bit with my problems for some time now - I trace a lot of my particular turmoil back to moving to the very unforgiving city of London over 2 years ago in a bid for more opportunities. This, along with working for a well-known and hugely conformist organisation, has left me feeling a lot like I am riding a bike with square wheels

Hi redrach - welcome to WP!

In addition to the books mentioned above, I would highly recommend Tony Attwood's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome." And among all the various online Asperger's tests, this one - http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php - seems to be the most reliable (I understand that some psychologists use it as an evaluation tool.)

There are quite a few members here who live in the UK - I'm sure that some of them might be able to shed some light on how/where to get evaluated for AS.

I also experience the struggle to be understood & get others to understand. My initial feeling is that it must be quite a curse for a journalist - but then I thought that you might be able to make it work for you, since your questions would be less expected & might receive unique responses.

Best of luck on your quest for understanding.

Yes I agree.

I think that conditions should only be label if people are going to receive productive help and support.

I think that many of these character traits are pathologised.
I believe that many of them could be viewed in a more positive light.

I know many people with these traits in varying amounts.
I don't think that they'd want to be labeled.

I think that these character traits can either be useful or a hinderance depending on the social environment.