Life skills and A.S / A.D.H.D advice request

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Basically I am a 32 year old unempoyed man with Asperger Syndrome, a form of autism, with no real skills apart from basic admin and a very chequered work history, and even then if things were not clear or not shown / explained to me adequately it has made me over obsessive about trivial details of tasks and getting me sacked for low productivity, being too slow, not getting things completed or not doing the work properly. It does seem however that I have the AD(H)D symptoms in spades with not completing things and leaving everything most things I have done in life "undone" or unfinished and left, including volunteering and attendance issues late last year - just a few months ago in fact. Have just "woken up" today it seems.

I seem to have the "executive functions" or adult life skills deficit as I am in debt with money and when working in the past and even volunteering recently have had problems being late or calling in absent for work due to not being organised in essential adult life skills which are essential for adults to live independently. I also have tended to not take things in properly and get over obsessive about parts of tasks and be too slow, or not carrying out the work properly as I did not understand exactly what I needed to do or what I was told. It seems this fog has lifted recently as I am more fully aware now of the need to work to actually survive. I have had to learn these things the hard way basically.

I have severe depressive and anxiety symptoms about this as I feel like I am not a real adult as I still live completely off my father and benefits.

Basically I was not fully aware that one has to work to actually pay to live and survive over the last few years, despite intellectually knowing this on a level, and I kept procrastinating about that situation thinking I would have that routine sorted after being on benefits as a safety cushion and occasional volunteering for a while, but I got demotivated and stayed in a kind of comfort zone and did not develop over the last three years. I have difficulty with basic housework so I think how would I be able to do things like cleaning or labouring jobs as an actual job if I had to suddenly find a job to enable me to pay rent (I don't at the moment) and eat? That is before the people element gets taken into consideration i.e are they hard bosses and co-workers?, although this last bit would be less important if I suddenly had to find work to survive, keep shelter and eat.

Also actually feel ashamed as being a burden on my father who is the sole provider.

I would like to learn the basic life and vocational skills like how to clean properly, do housework, cook, prepare meals, budget with money and all those things and develop the routine which I am finding very difficult to do at home at the moment - made worse by severe anxiety and depression.

I may be able to write well but if I don't have the life skills, and the mental organisation and learning of this sorted, then this can mean little.

Sensory processing or integration problems (that is taking information and your surroundings in properly) are probably one of the main reasons why I haven't picked these and various social skills up as well.

For instance, I haven't ever had a shop cashiers job for example as counting the money or getting the change right under time pressure is not something I am good at, have faulty mental arithmetic and anxiety at serving customers means I may not last very long in those jobs. I am too scared to give up benefits as a financial lifeline in case even basic jobs don't work out due to my occasional poor timekeeping. I need to develop my living routine and timings and am not confident at holding down a living in anything at the moment.

I really want to know about vocational training courses and schemes that can prepare me for work (say cleaning skills and food preparation for example) and enable me to learn the life skills I haven't really picked up, such as budgeting, for the "real world".

The awakening has made me very afraid and scared. I feel in tears at the moment as I have come to the realisation that I am a lot less capable than I thought I was, and have been very lucky not to have ended up in dire straits perhaps, and that there is nothing I could have done with my brain - it just lives in the moment and is poor at organisation and planning. I have given up volunteering in London due to my anxiety and previous spells of unreliability, and am trying volunteering locally while concentrating to get myself together to be reliable and be there on time this time. I actually am ashamed to admit this.

Just to add, I did try to get an AD(H)D diagnosis a few years ago at the Maudsley Hospital but they thought I don't have it. Not even sure a diagnosis may help as I have the Asperger Syndrome diagnosis from 2001 and "autistic tendencies" on my medical history when I was a toddler.

Any help and advice would be appreciated.

Actually you sound as though you are affected with your condition about the same as I am. You did not say how old you are or if you have any natural talents or interests. If you do then that's a plus. I think there are state sponsored jobs programs and training programs you can qualify for so lets start with your age and interests and then we'll figure out a way for you to make some money.

He said he was 32...close to my age. I can relate. I have AS and ADD issues..I think the ADD for me is more severe than the AS.
The way I have managed to survive with dysfunctions similar to yours in the past was by scaling down my life. A few years ago, I lived in a rooming house for a while..so my rent was low, my living space was small and the aspects of keeping up with that were not too overwhelming. I was able to support myself on a few casual part-time jobs.

Things are different for me now. I am semi-self employed...I am still very disorganized but I try to do the best I can...It may never be as easy for people like us than it seems to be for people who have everything together, but it is important to just keep hacking at it the best you can, and don't be too hard on yourself.

It sounds simiar to the issues I face. I have always had great difficulty with coordinating tasks and organising myself. I also have trouble with housework too. What I am trying to do right now is work out whether I can find my strengths, figure out what they are.

The problem with the world is that where I am the weakest:
- physical coordination, desire/ability to organise things, desire/ability to focus and concentrate on objects and tasks, and desire/ability to be focused on other beings.............these are the things that most of the world is good at.

The only thing I can really do is be a sort of a loudmouth, but I wasnt blessed with the "appropriateness filter" so I have to constantly watch myself so I dont say something stupid/hurtful.

So I have to dig deep and try and find out if there is some way I can be which does not require me to be:

- Focused
- A good organiser
- In social situations which require impeccable sensitivity
- Multitasking.

I am not sure what that would be though.

I was too impulsive and this almost cost me dearly. To be honest I can only pay my debts because I am living at the family home.

What were the casual part-time jobs you did if you don't mind my asking as a lot of cashiering / till work / customer facing things I was not able to do and there is also my reliablility and time-keeping factor. I used to take too many absences too from admin full time office work just for not feeling right and feeling very down in myself rather than grit my teeth and get on with it like I should have in the past, even in the recent past with volunteering too. I am on welfare benefits (live in the UK) and would be in a lot of trouble without these. If it wasn't for my father I may actually have been sofa surfing round people's houses perhaps. Maybe that would concentrate my mind though?

Anyway i think my upbringing has has an big influence too - that is being raised to be dependent on my parents to a large degree, financially and shelter wise.

If I were you first off I would not consider any type of work that involves contact or interaction with people as it is just a big bringdown type of experience. I had very good luck with geeting work as what over here is called a night stocker at a grocery story as paying attention to details is a plus and you generally only work with a few people who luckly are also not the cream of the crop by NT standards.

i also have adhd and AS, and i think my adhd is a bit more severe than my AS. honestly, i have a lot of trouble with organization, motivation, and life in general, much more than i let on, and when you say you aren't aware that you have to work to pay to live despite knowing this on an intellectual level makes perfect sense to me. i know i have to work, i know i have to clean the house, but it doesn't really mean anything to me.

if you find anything that helps, i'd love to hear about it.

I love this sentence. It sums up perfectly how I feel.

i have had not too many cashiering jobs either...
fun jobs I have had are:

movie theater usher (got kicked out of box office for poor cash handling skills )
ice cream server (did involve cashier but friendly environment)
kennel attendant
currently I do shipping and handling for a small internet business

I have always wanted to be a museum docent.

nesbit,
have a look into what life skills courses the local college offers,these usually are ASDAN based and are for people with disabilities but are tailored to each persons needs.
Am did several at both south and north trafford colleges-both designed for people with mod-severe disabilities,but they do have more than one on offer.

colleges used to have a lot of good SPED courses for people with disabilities but in the past few years,the government removed a lot of their special ed funding for over twenty fives leading to many courses getting merged and others- closed down.

Because these are SPED and not mainstream courses,they dont always show up on their course leaflets or websites so may need to contact them instead if are interested.