Are there any people here that don't feel like a human being

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I have given up trying to be a mirror image and will never be a stereo type cardboard cut out, a drone, clone so guess I will just have to be me

i do not know how i feel. i do not know how others feel either.

i will not say "human" or "nt" , as that is a sweeping generalization, but i do not understand what drives people. i have no idea about community spirit.

at this time in australia, there is much national mourning about the 173 people killed in the fires. i saw news coverage from places where the people were gathered after losing their houses and friends.

i am sure if i lived in that town and was in that gathering, i would be severely chastised by them.
they were all hugging each other and weeping and were in a state of mind that was far above my level of comprehension.

apparently an arsonist started that fire, and it is said that arsonists like to mingle with the crowd and see the fruits of their actions.
one woman who was being interviewed said she was sure she knew who it was because she had seen someone standing by themselves and not acting in the spirit of the community considering what happened.
she said she looked at him and the look on his face seemed distant and cold and she got an instant shudder down her spine, and that she would tell police privately later about him (obviously one can not make accusations on TV).

i would seem distant and cold if i was there, and i think the "community" would turn on me and accuse me to the point of violence. my reactions would compound their suspicions and it would snowball into kids throwing rocks at me and me being hauled off by the heroes to be investigated.

i do not like being near people, because they always imagine bad things if you seem normally intelligent, but do not share their "vibes".
it is nothing to do with my appearance. it is just they do not get that "look" from me that satisfies them that i am one of them. so they become latently hostile.

i can not defend myself by saying that i am unable to express my true emotions because i actually do not have any emotions about things to express.
if i had the "brotherhood of man" in me that humans wanted and i could not express it, then to them that is forgivable. but if i have no feeling in me, that that is not forgivable by them.

so if i was at the gathering i saw on the news, i would be looking at the landscape thinking "wow". that is all. they would at least be very disliking of me. but their trusty dogs they have with them are all wagging their tails and smiling (as dogs look like they are doing) and completely unengaged by the suffering. they get patted on the head.
but because i have been given the "gift" of looking like a human, i must act like one or else.

the only time i ever felt a connection in a real human way with someone was when me and a girl who i once worked with got trapped in a burning building. we were the only 2 in the office and the alarm did not go off (the fire warden forgot us too). we were on the 16th floor (i think). i smelled burning plastic and asked if she did too and she said yes. i walked out into the hall and it was filled with smoke and i ran back and told her there was a fire somewhere and we looked out the window and everyone was out on the street and well away from the building (before the fire truck came).
me and her ran to the lifts but there was smoke coming from the seams in the doors so i dared not let them open so we ran to a fire escape and it had billowing smoke coming out when i opened the door. we ran to another escape which also had smoke in it but we had to go. but i tried to rip my jacket in 2 and soak it in water from the basin in the toilet (one for her and one for me ) but it would not rip, so we both used the same jacket to breathe through on our way down the stairs. the smoke got thick and it stung our eyes and she wanted to go back up but we decided to keep going down until if and when we were forced back up. but we were not forced back up and we made it out onto the street and when we took the jacket off our mouths, we looked at each other and we felt very close to each other at that time. it lasted 10 minutes or more, and then i went back into auto mode and went home as there was no work for the rest of the day. (the building was only mildly damaged but we did not know that on the way down the stairs). i think we were both so far out of our "normal" zone that we truly crossed paths in our minds. she always liked me after that and i liked her too, but i did not have any other moments of connection with her.

i know this is getting long but i do not want to use the bushfire tragedy thing in australia as just a staging scenario for a selfish example.

i did feel something for the people. i realize that it would be my worst nightmare to have my animals all killed and my house gone and my girlfriend killed, and furthermore, to be in hospital with 3rd degree burns to 85% of my body and not be expected to live. and then to survive and spend the agonizing months in excruciating pain knowing i have nothing in my life left to get better for.
and that is truly the case for some people right at this instant. i think it is very unfair that innocent people can be subjected to such a horrific turn of fate.
i thought that yesterday afternoon, and after i thought it i forgot about it.
it is like making an assessment that i am satisfied with, and therefore there is no need to return to the thought to think about it further.

whatever. no i do not feel like i imagine a normal human feels.

I am Pinnochio, waiting for the blue fairy to make me a "real person".

Without the nose issues and talking cricket.

I DESPISE human beings with a passion.

Much more than I hate dogs.

Sometimes I don't feel like a human being but it has nothing to do with Aspergers so can you be more specific with the original question as to how it ties into Autism with respect to this particular feeling.

I'm still waiting for the mother ship to come and take me home. Hope they didn't forget about me.

Yeah, i feel so special being put down by other men in this forum in regards to gang rape. Re-victimisation - What as*holes! I liked to see how they'd feel if it happen to them one day. It could happen to any one especially vunerable if your doped out

Sure do I feel like a nothing person, actually when I got the diagnosis from a psychologist after a mental breakdown I told them just that I also told them I was on the Wrong Planet, strange how many people here (seemingly smart) are "not sure if they have it or not" I'm not smart yet I knew at age 6 OR 7 I was on the WP and had a developmental disorder ( until recently had no Idea it was the most severe one in psychiatry, why couldn't my family see it? Probably because they didn't care or where asleep (comatose) at the wheel

Lucky my pets and children (other) none for me ever ! remind me that I'm still human........

For a few years I thought it was ADHD and some co-morbid traits, or depression etc etc.
OBviously, co-morbids are no doubt almost always present.
Now I look at PDD-NOS, but does it explain my thoughts of:

1) "I'm bored of doing things because I think they are right and not because I feel they are right"
2) "I might as well be a robot"
3) "When I'm talking and not in my comfort zone, ie with people, I always feel like i'm outside of myself, as an observer and critically listening for anything that can be corrected on-the-fly. This is sort of like mild "cluttering" - a psychological label.
Such pedantic issues lol!!

I joke with a similar traited person and we say in a robot voice, "Hello, how are youuu?"
"Fine, how are you?"
"I am fine, thank you, how are you?"
"I am fine, thank you, how are you?"

It's just the ultimate formality. Blend in or be noticed and labelled "different" although I'm not sure why I care..it must be some mental weakness or I just can't be bothered to feel the need to explain.

I used to feel like a dirty, filthy rat. Nowadays, I feel like a real human being.

I'm a ghost. I'm not "alive" compared to NTs. I'm drifting true life feeling lost & in emotional turmoil cuz part of me is missing. Nothing I say or do affects anything either. I'm probably going to spend the rest of my life walking amongst the dammed searching for soemthing I will never find