Everything I touch turns to $#@!

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To those who have AS, ADHD, or BOTH (like me), do you often feel this way? I often just feel that I possess the exact opposite of the Midas touch. Yesterday, for example, I got sick at work and had to use the bathroom there, which is something I will only do if it's an emergency. While finishing up in there, I managed to break the toilet paper holder off the wall of the stall. I ended up getting a co-worker who had a screwdriver in his truck to help me fix it, but still.

I used to house-sit for a former boss when he would go out of town. The first time I did it, I flooded his bathroom. We got over that and he asked me to stay over again while he was away. This time, I broke a kitchen cabinet door. My calculator at the office doesn't work anymore because of how hard I push the buttons due to my lack of fine motor skills. Everyone else around me, who all have had their calculators the same period of time as me, are having no problems. Theirs are working fine. I recently tried fixing a knob on my shower and I broke it off completely. I have messed up car parts before by stripping out bolts. A couple years ago for Christmas, my wife got me a remote-controlled car. On the second day I had it, I broke it. As a kid, I almost always broke my new toys within days of getting them. I once left my car running in the office parking lot for over 4 hours before someone from the plant noticed it and came into my office and told me!! !

Then today, I realized that, on a big project I worked on the other day, I made a mistake. Now this mistake was small in comparison to some mistakes I've made (I've made some epic mistakes at work) but it was still just another mark against me. I found the mistake today and brought it up to my boss, and he said, "This is a new fiscal year, this is a VERY early start for mistakes." He continued, "We are implementing a new program soon that will back-check every job you do down to every single piece of material you figured. These mistakes are getting expensive, and we cannot be having anymore of this." With the economy the way it is and our company about to take over another failed company, they are getting really uptight about everything.

Don't get me wrong, mistakes are costly (especially the ones I make), so they have every right to be upset, but it makes me feel so low. It really is beyond my control. I am a detail-oriented person from AS but I also have ADHD so there are other, larger details I will miss while focusing on the smallest ones. I am afraid after nine VERY lucky years, they are finally at the end of their rope with me and I can almost see the writing on the wall, so to speak, I have been very naive about things until now, but I am finally starting to see that they are very upset with me... and this is not a good economy for trying to find another job. As it is I am barely hanging on to my house. I just managed to borrow $6,000 from my 401k in order to catch up my mortgage payments to keep my house for at least a few more months. So this is a VERY scary time to be making my "same old" mistakes. But the way my brain works, it just happens over and over and over. I make a mistake on this item today, tomorrow I am so focused on this item that I make a mistake on that item. The next day I am so focused on both of those items, I make a mistake somewhere else. It's just like how my psychologist recently described it to me: you plug a leak over here and another one springs up over there. Plug that leak as well, and now there's another one. My brain works just like that and it sucks.

My bosses hate me, they want me gone. They only reason I have been so lucky as to still have my job is that I am the only person in my department trained to do what I do and we never have enough down time for me to teach anyone else (thank goodness for that, I say!) But they are putting the pressure on a lot now for me to MAKE time to train others, even if it means all of us putting in overtime hours. They realize they have all their eggs in one basket and that the only way they can get rid of me is for me to train someone, and they are REALLY pushing for that now.

So in summary, I make mistakes often, I break things often, I am SO fricking clumsy it's not even funny. And I hate it, I literally want to cry sometimes ... and now is one of those times.

Sorry to vent, but everyone seems so genuine and I know someone else here has to feel this way. I know I'm not the only one, because my psychologist recently told me that she sees kids like that quite often. The only difference is, I never got any kind of help (medication, therapy, etc) as a kid so here I am at 28 years old and flawed as hell.

I understand what it is like to feel like you break everything you touch. I refuse to touch something that is expensive that another owns or go into an expensive store do to this. It's like I'm not sure where all my limbs are and I'm not sure how much pressure I'm putting on an item.

As for your job, I am sorry about all the issues you seem to be having. Quite frankly, the fact that you catch your mistakes and own up to them should help you in an ideal world but then again, I know a lot of people who pretend that they never existed, fein ignorance or blame it on another who get ahead more. (BTW, I am certainly NOT suggesting that you use those dispicible tactics and I wish that most of the people I know who do that get fired, but I digress.)

I wish you luck with your troubles and hope that everything works out for you.

sbcmetroguy,

I WAS going to say I have the kind of anti-midas touch. I DO make FAR more mistakes than I would like to admit. STILL, they really ARE far fewer than most, and I have done a lot of good also.

I really hope you can get rid of your problems. I have enough problems dealing with liars and social problems. I can only imagine how bad YOU feel.

It seems like fate you wrote this today. We are an echo in time. As a matter of fact, I even spoke the title out loud. I cannot say anything to make you feel better, but maybe misery would like some company and to know you are not alone. I am an oaf and I screw up everything. I made a very expensive mistake at work today and I am quite worried about tomorrow.

Claire, I am not glad you made a big mistake or that you feel as if you are an "oaf" but I am glad you made this post and I thank you. [On this note, I thank EVERYONE who has kindly replied so far!]

But at least you and I can share this, and in misery find friendly company. When I make mistakes at work they are always expensive. Today's mistake cost the company a little time, but would have cost at a minimum of $500-$1,000 if that truck had rolled out of the plant without me noticing the mistake. Not only the cost of the materials I would have shorted the customer, but also the mileage considering this job is located about 350 miles away. Since you said your mistake was also expensive, I know you can understand my mindset here. And like I said, this is one of my "smaller" mistakes... I have, in the past, cost the company many thousands of dollars with just a few accidental keystrokes. But you know, I must say, I think it's partially their fault for not having a better system where someone checks my work before it goes out. There should always be a system like that, so a supervisor would have at least looked at it before it made it that far. I am not blaming them for my mistake, but such mistakes are why companies employ quality control managers and the like! Plus, when I got this job 9 years ago I was doing what I was hired to do (drafting and design) and now it seems all I do is estimate. I didn't ask for the estimator's position, it was just kind of thrown on me when my former supervisor decided he didn't want to do it anymore! And now that I work under new people, they have to wonder how I ever ended up getting that position. I didn't want it! I STILL do not want it!

Anyway, sorry to get carried away again. I am glad that you posted, though, because I do feel a little better that at least I am in good company. I do not feel good that you feel bad, though. Thank you for posting.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IlqzF45vGQ[/youtube]

Now that was funny! Maybe now I'll sleep tonight with happy thoughts rather than dreading the next step: telling the plant manager about my recent mistake. He's already not my biggest fan, a rather cranky old man who doesn't like me because I seem stuck-up to him (I'm really not, and I TRY to be nice to him).

Dude...you have AS; your motor skills suck...that's how it works. You're gonna be clumsy, and knock this over; yer gonna be worshipping the ground Urkel walks on when all is said and done.

I used to have all the problems you did, and then I found my calling...and I am THE MAN at what I do.

Big tip: don't use "the economy" as an excuse for not doing better, or trying to find something else you're good at.

Dude, most of your life you're gonna be dealing with bad economies. The trick is to rise above it and be in high demand, whether the economy is good or not. And don't forget that a lot of people just like to complain about "the economy" cause it's trendy.

Trust me...when people need you--and they will--they'll pay anything whether good economy or bad.

I don't break random things when I touch/use them but I mess my computer and gadgets up quite often but that's probably because I hack the firmware/operating system on everything

Yup, I have the anti-midas touch as well. People also tend to think I'm snooty or posh, even though I'm the complete opposite. I guess I speak very precisely (unless I'm overstimulated, then I gabble like a fool and my voice sounds very strange), and I do tend to use my vocabulary.

I've tried behaving differently, but that then looks like I'm being false, which I suppose is true. The world's full of unique people, it's better to just be yourself and if you're damned you're damned! I'd rather have someone hate me for who I am than have someone like me because I'm putting on an act.

Thanks. The problem is, what I was originally hired to do, I'm good at. What they've stuck on me for the past 7-8 years I suck at. And they know it, I would have rather they put me back on what I enjoy than keep me on this.

Also I discovered a few years ago that I took to photography quite well, and I even had an architect acquaintance who was willing to fund my entire operation in exchange for discounted rates... which is fair because he has brought me the most photography work over time. The only problem is, my social skills are so low that I ended up running in fear from photography because of all the face-to-face relations that were required. My doctor (medical doctor, not psychologist) gave me Xanax to deal with that before, when she thought I just had general anxiety or social anxiety. But even the Xanax didn't work, all it did was make me drowsy. I really want to work on social skills training with my psychologist, because I would love to get back into photography and do it full-time.

I'm present when things break very often. I have excellent motor skills, but yeah... electric things die out on me, start to act weird usually, what I touch somehow ends up broken and damaged - really don't know why.

Count me in too.

When I was a child, I'd break things a lot more than other kids. Then it passed. So much so that I never remembered it until I read this thread. My motor clumsiness is much, much less than in childhood. Practice makes perfect.

My brother is VERY NT and he's famous for breaking people's bathrooms. He either floods them or breaks something in the toilet, or whatever. People just find it hilarious and a welcome source of something to laugh about with him.

I have the same pattern you mention, re being careful about one thing and making a mistake in another area. This is why I have been demoted rather than promoted. A couple months ago I made a mistake that cost the company 50 thousand dollars. I guess you now feel a lot better.

You're still young and developing a career in something you're better suited for is still an option for you. You'll be a pro at what you do for many, many years, when the economy crisis is history that hardly anyone remembers.

I used to break tools all the time (rakes, shovels, ratchets (sp?), etc). I also tend to drop things, lose things, etc. I am especially terrified of holding babies. It isn't just that I feel creeped out at the thought of touching someone other than my 'significant other,' I am actually in fear that I will break it or drop it (the baby, that is).

Here's something that's always puzzled me. I sometimes have poor motor skills, and that strange magnetic power that makes things throw themselves off coffee tables and worktops whenever i walk by. But, at other times, my motor skills are excellent, well above norm, and the same goes for my reflexes. I've left friends open jawed because I've reached out to my side and caught a tennis ball as it flew past me. Is this common, flipping from one extreme to the other?

As clumsy as I was as a child, I was winning prizes in drawing contests. Go figure.