Help Me Understand This

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I have not fallen out with any of my inlaws since I've known them and generally appreciate them as nice and decent people. I did gradually start realising over the years that they do view me is different ect. So often I appreciated the meals they put together and know they are hard work and it is nice to get away from having to just sit in the living room and try to chat.

So this past meal I kept to myself and tried to not let panic takeover me. I'm setting there and I hear accidently from the kitchen It is kinda nice not having her here even though it is more work. Well I can be the only one they are referring to, because the other daughterinlaws don't really help much before and after meals. I just cringed, but all these years later am getting use to it. Or trying....

My question is do all Nts backstab and yak about each other's failures and so on? I guess as a believer and my Aspie loyalty doesn't allow me to say nasty things about family and the few people I know. Some please help me with this....I think if I can get passed this behavior and understand it better I may be a bit more relaxed in social settings.

Your behavior has provoked them, so they're expressing their resentment as a means of lowering their anger. Anger makes people say things they might regret. People have a tendency to get rid of whatever negative feelings they are experiencing. Resentment builds up if it's not discussed or acknowledged.

Don't take it personally. Their emotional reaction to your behavior is their interpretation of your intention and you didn't have a bad intention. You did it unintentionally. If you want, you can manipulate them by making them feel guilty.

From their point of view, you're the one who's done wrong but you can turn it all around to suit you. All you need is to know what to say and to have the courage and confidence to do it.

I have Asperger Syndrome but I know these things because I study psychoanalysis and personality disorders. I suggest you do the same. Life will become a piece of cake. Trust me.

The study of ethics will help you to plot revenge. Just because people say revenge is bad doesn't mean it is. If it will make you feel good, do it. The only time it's bad is if it makes you feel bad. Feeling bad about what you've done to someone involves the use of the mirror neurons.

Every emotion is a chemical that your brain interprets as a feeling. If the majority of people say, "It's bad to read a book under a table," do you have to feel bad about it if it's more comfortable for you?" Don't let everyone's opinions about things cause you discomfort. Opinions and reality are different.

You must decide for yourself how you personally feel about things. Have feelings that work to your advantage and make you happy. The trick is independence, self-reliance and high self-image.

Not all NTs do it, because it's impossible to get all of any group to do anything, what with individuality and all. And I'd warn against extrapolating too surely from fragments of conversation, especially if you have low self-esteem or paranoia.
Assuming you're correct in your analysis (big if), then here's a reason why they won't say these things to your face: they don't like you, but they're not rocking the boat because that would be a dick-move, what with their son having vouched for you in a pretty major way, so instead they harmlessly grouse among themselves.

This is helpful. I wouldn't have taken it so personally, but I have heard or noticed comments that they believe I wouldn't pick up on, but we all know how intuitive most Aspergers are.

Im sure they don't want to piss my husband off, because he would let them have it or maybe ignore them for awhile. And that would be bad as they seem to have a softspot for our baby and probably don't want to alienate.

Either way I'm tired of it. If you've got such a huge complaint about me either grow up and deal with it or keep it to yourself.

families talk crap behind each others backs all the time, to various degrees.

you cant take it personally, i know for a fact i am MORE than a LITTLE bit curious to my family not only "weird" but me and my brother are "the ones" who have had contact w police, never had luck in school, never decent jobs, me cus im a weirdo "for no apparent reason" my brother cus hes a very active and expressive person, and often gets in trouble.

i hope this was of SOME comfort, the things they say about me, when im not listening, is awfull stuff i bet

but i laugh it off. being "the black sheep" is just fun :]

Hehehe good you can laugh like that. It will take you far