Why do NTs laugh when things go wrong repeatedly?

Post Reply New Topic

Here's something that always baffled me about NTs? Far more times than I care to count, I see them laughing when things go wrong. Now, more often than not, they are not laughing at my misfortune, so I know better than to get offended by the laughter. And yet, I simply can't understand how when something going wrong, especially multiple times, people can find it funny enough to laugh? It could be anything: annoying, frustrating, irritating, depressing, even challenging, but certainly not funny.

Case in point. I'm driving with my friends to a new place, and I'm behind the wheel. It's located in far outer suburbia, where streets twist every which way and turn back on themselves. It's dark, and you'd be lucky if you saw a streetlight once every few miles, and none of the driveways are marked with addresses. I keep trying to find the right place, only to realize that the building numbers are too high or too low. This goes on for at least 20 minutes. I'm getting really angry, while my friend is laughing. He explained that he was laughing at the situation and not at me, and by his tone of voice, I knew he meant it. But how can something so frustrating be even remotely funny?

Another case in point. I'm at work, fixing someone's computer. I must have already tried four solutions, only to see a blue screen. On top of that, whenever I replace a part, it ends up not being broken in the first place, and I have to keep running back to my desk to get more parts and/or to look up information. I'm started to get very frustrated, and seeing the person laughing only adds fuel to the fire. I knew she wasn't laughing at me, but after seeing laughter in a situation like that, I could barely restrain myself from smashing the stupid computer against the floor. (That would cost me my job, so it was out of the question.)

In both of these cases, I coped by keeping a flat, emotionless face, like a Marine during the morning line-up. Now, on with the question. Where is the funny part in these situations? Someone point it out to me, 'cause I'm not seeing it. Are they actually laughing at my frustration, and lying to me that they aren't? Does it have to do with an NT ability to magically find anything and everything funny? Is it some inside joke I'm supposed to know? Post your responses, and feel free to prove or disprove the next paragraph.

For now, my theory is this. NTs, given their good social skills, generally cruise through daily life without a lot of conscious effort. Succeeding at little things is something they take for granted. So, when something goes wrong, it feels almost like a pleasant change of pace of sorts, and they know that it won't happen again for a long time. Hence, the laughter response. For aspies, on the other hand, life is a continuous struggle, and things going wrong is yet another reminder of that. So no wonder I don't find things going wrong remotely funny.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 14 Dec 2010, 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

Or maybe they are laughing because they remember a time when they were in the same situation as you and they realize how funny it was later on in life?

It's not just nonautistic people who do this. I do it and so do many of my autistic friends. Humor is often in both humans and other species closely linked with misfortune. It's a way to diffuse tension, to show recognition, a way of showing nervousness, and many other things. Also laughing can happen in truly horrendous situations -- death of a loved one and the like -- but in those situations the person doesnt find it funny, it's just an outlet for grief and shock just like crying is. Some autistic people me included are even more prone to that use of laughter than normal and can end up offending people when we laugh because of horror, disgust, etc.

For me it has more to do with comedy. Sometimes the things I do are so dumb there is nothing else to do but laugh. Kind of like watching the three stooges, only, its me. For example, spending about 15 minutes looking for my "lost" glasses when they were on my head...this really happened.

I laugh at things like that.

What I do not understand is laughing when people get hurt. Shows like Americas Home Videos (maybe other countries have an equivalent) were never funny to me, and make me sad to watch. The small text says no videos can be shown where someone is hurt, but there has to be countless people hurt at least a little and very many people embarrassed by them.

Exactly. I've heard some people say "laugh or go crazy." In both of the situations you mentioned, laughing could have been an alternative to an angry outburst of frustration.



This is, I think the point of the movie (and TV show) M*A*S*H*. Hawkeye and others used humor and pranks to cope with the horrible things happening around them.

I have been diagnosed for Aspergers and I constanly laugh at my own or other people's mistakes. Maybe you need to devlope a sense of humor. Then again I have to learn to not laugh at other people's misfortunes. People within earshot of my laughter usually get pissed at how callous I am.

in both the situations you mentioned, the ones doing the laughing is the one stuck not able to change their situation. maybe they laugh at their own situation perhaps somewhat subconsciously.

I think you aren't seeing the humor in the situation because you were the one charged with finding a solution. You felt under pressure because someone was depending on you. The repeated misfortunes are frustration to the stressed and comedy to the unstressed. Your friend had nothing at stake and the woman with the broken computer was probably happy she didnt have to do any work. It's all vantage point.

It really depends on the situation as well.

Maybe so. But when the situation is reversed, I never laugh at the other person. I either try to help out somehow, or if I can't, just sit quietly and him/her do the work I suppose this goes back to my theory: for someone who rarely or never experiences frustration, it's easy to find such an experience funny. But for someone like me, for whom frustration is part of the daily life, it's anything but funny.

I laugh at thing that are not funny, but not because I think they are funny. Instead, it helps me cope with the situation better...it is more of an ironic laugh than a funny laugh. It is said the humor is the highest level of coping.

i think it depends how serious the situation is. i try to put myself in other peoples place, and if I was in the passenger seat while someone else was driving and we were hopesly lost i might laugh as long as the destination was not of extreme importance. of course i would not be laughing at the driver's frustration, but rather at the fact that we are lost and as the passenger, i can do my best to help but i'm really not in control of my situation. maybe your friend even laughed as kind of a comradery. you know, like "Hey. we're both lost and screwed, oh well". people like to try to look at a bad situation in a way that they can laugh at it, as long as the situation is not dire. it's probably a built-in defence as to not become stressed at every little problem.
but i too am like that. where i think everyone's laughter or whispers are directed at me. and i'll be upset that they can't put themselves in my situation untill days later i'll realize it might be me who needs to try my best to see it through the other person's eyes.
then again i've met alot of jerks who enjoy the pain of others, although i'll try to give people the benifit of the doubt and just keep my mind open to all possibilitys.


sorry, i'm real tired and i think the layout of my post may be more confusing than normal. but i really do like trying to analyze actions and emotional displays of NT's (well, sometimes). they really are quite the puzzle. (yeah, yeah, i know. if you look through their eyes they must see us the same way.)

usually when i see someone laugh at what i find frustrating, (depending on how frustrating/serious) it makes me less stressed out, as long as i know its not in a mocking way.

I think stertfry may be right, you were probably more stressed then these people because you were in charge, and trying to find the solution, while they weren't doing anything. Honestly tho I don't know what was so funny about it, but sometimes situations like this can be funny, like that time when my ex and I were with a couple of friends and the car stopped, and they realised it was out of fuel, since they do that often (forget to put gas in the car) they laughed at themselves for forgetting again, the guy walked to the closest gas station to get gas, and they considered that a little misadventure. I think the stress level can really make a big difference between finding a situation funny or not.

Ditto this. Sometimes when everything is going wrong I find it easier to deal with the situation if I laugh at it than if I let it get to me.