Have you ever...

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Have you ever chased someone away from your life because of your persistance and lack of knowing just exactly where personal boundaries lie?

As I sit here (at 6am in the morning ), I am thinking of what woke me up in the first place. I awoke to the memory of a teacher I had in gradeschool who I became very attached to. Once I graduated gradeschool and moved onto high school, I didn't see why I shouldn't still try to have a relationship with her. It seemed silly to give up a good mentor-student relationship just because "moving on" deemed it appropriate.

So, I called her in my 9th grade year and invited her to a little showing of one of my pieces of art in a local small-time gallery. She gratefully accepted. And over the next two years, I called her every Tuesday at 8pm on the dot and we chatted. She even came over to our house and had dinner and we also went to some places together.

But then a couple years ago, after high school had ended and I began college, finally moving into my own apartment, I was so excited about this news that I had to tell her. And so I called her. But she wasn't home and I despise leaving messages (they make me nervous, plus the other person has the choice when to call back and I was too eager to tell her the news). So I called back a little later. She still wasn't home. And so I called back again and again, never reaching her, to the point of where I had racked up about 7 different tries.

Well, little did I know, she had caller ID and apparently her husband had gotten angry that I didn't just leave a message. So when I called two weeks later, she was curt and said in future I should just call once and if no one answers, I need to just leave a message. And so I complied the following time but didn't hear back from her.

The next time I called, her husband answered and effectively told me off and that I wasn't to call anymore. And thus my relationship with my former teacher ended. It was very hard. I was very attached. And it still makes me sad to this day because I know she was sincerely very fond of me and that felt good.

Sigh. Anyways, that's how I woke up this morning and haven't gone back to sleep since. And so now I'm on WP "pouring out my woes" to see if anyone else (though it's probably a loaded question and I suspect I'll get a fair amount of "yes" responses) has had something similar happen to them.

So, post away. I might go back to bed soon. Maybe. Hopefully...

Very likely I've done so in past, but it's too disturbing to dredge up now, in search of an example. Worry that I'll do this sort of thing again in the future, since my separate sense of self blurs around other people.

/me tries to comfort sophist by biting him.

Indeed, i have had something similiar to this happen to me. I believe it is caused in part by teachers having this kind of "we can never REALLY be friends" mentality, because of plenty of times teachers got too close to their students and problems happened. So any time a student or a teacher try to develop a more personal relationship it bothers them and can bother people around them.

YES. i hear you man...

it happened to me more than once ( but not with teacher though )... and the last time was two weeks ago....
i think the best thing to do is , not to care anymore.. it's not your fault.

anyway thanks, made me feel good to know i'm not the only one

I really don't understand. Why is your teacher so upset? You were talking once a week, and had maintained contact for years. If she wanted to cut off the relationship, why would she have continued it for so long? Just because you screwed up once seems like a pretty poor reason to end a relationship.

To answer your question, no, I've never had that happen to me. I have the opposite problem. I forget that I need to uphold my part of relationships, as well, and I have a hard time initiating. So rather than calling seven times, I just never call. This causes people to think I don't want to hang out with them, or that I don't like them anymore. That's usually far from the truth. Usually I just don't know what to do or say, so I don't do anything.

[quote="Sophist"][size=15]Have you ever chased someone...

Chances are that you'll never get over it and it may haunt you for the rest of your life. Images will fade and reappear when you least expect them, they will revisit you in dreams and you will look for the face of your beloved in the people you meet on the streeet hoping to find her, again.
You will think that at last you got over it.......


Katze

I do the same thing - I either don't care especially about other people or they are very important to me - to the point that I am told I become clingy . . . so I just don't do relationships at all anymore . . . I have a lot more free time . . .

Yes I do. In fact I can tell that I recently got to know someone at work enough I could do this again

I also experiance what Katze stated about it haunting me for the rest of my life.

Y

This happens to me all the time.

Both on line and in real life.

Sheesh.

I'm pretty darn sure i've done this, and am DEFINTLEY capable of it. I become obsessed with people and have to make the biggest effort I can to control myself.

And I've also been atthe other end of the stick, and got pissed off at people that do this to me.

Just checking it with an agreement here.

If I meet someone and they fall into the 'interesting" category, it's bad news... I assume, or act, like they are lifelong friends. I bet it's a little discomforting- it can take as little as two minutes to become "best friends" with a new individual. Luckily this doesn't happen too often.

Mostly I avoid my friends' phone calls and am terrible about returning messages. (Possible punctuation error)
I have found a precious few who don't mind it too much and give me a hard time if I don't communicate with them at least once every other month or so.

I did this with a girl, and I think she turned gay as a result.

I'm not clear on the gay thing, but I swore I heard that rumor through the grapevine.

...And that effort usually leaves much to be desired.

People don't 'turn' gay.

I tend to get a bit over-protective of people, in that I will nag them to do something that I know (or think I know) they ought to do. Also I get too pedantic - I once nearly destroyed a friendship by picking up on the other person's grammatical and spelling errors ... thing is she does that too, so I thought it was OK, but evidently I went too far ... I also take things too personally, apparently. I then hold grudges that shouldn't have been there in the first place, then that ruins it ... fortunately I have somehow managed to salvage most of those friendships with a lot of grovelling, and a lot of patience on the other people's part; it just bugs me that it's so easy to jeopardise friendships! I also have a habit of being too blunt, or just phrasing things completely wrong, so a lot of the time it's just best to keep my mouth shut ...

Fortunately for me, on most occasions, a grudge lasts no longer than a day, if that.