What's the cuckholdest you've been?

Post Reply New Topic

I kind of invented this term: Cuckholdness = not realizing that you're being / have been taken advantage of, and instead believing the person had no option but to act the way they did or did so innocently without ulterior motives.

I think many of us Aspies must've gone through this experience of cuckholdness a lot, given that we miss the nonverbal (which is often composed by hidden agendas, manipulations and the like).

I think many of us must have some secret cuckholdness stories that we never shared with anyone because it feels so embarrassing. So even though yes, I know it's a depressing topic, if anyone's up for some catharsis, purging of the dark, festering secrets, here you have a space.

I'll go first, with a story that I told on the "cruel(lest)..." thread.

I had an acquaintance at a self-awareness workshop I was attending, we had been becoming close friends, had been out together several times apart from the workshop and talked on the phone a lot.

She kept insisting that one day I take time off work to meet her downtown and accompany her to buy a vibrator at a porn store (she didn't want to go alone). I kept explaining to her that I couldn't afford the reduction in salary for the time off, and that I didn't want to go to a porn store. One day she finally dropped the issue.

Some time later, my birthday was approaching so she said she wanted to make a fun day for me, we'd go downtown, she'd invite me to brunch, then we'd go shopping and more.

I came to the meeting place (half an hour drive from my home on the highway), which turned out to be the corner of the porno store. She said "let's go in a minute", how could I refuse, when she was being so nice for my birthday? We spent about 1.5 hours there for her to choose her vibrator. When we finally came out of the store, she said she was in a hurry, her daughter was alone in the house and she must go, so she took me to a bad diner down the street (she wouldn't walk another 50 meters to a nicer one), bought me a quick cup of coffee and a roll and was on her way. My "fun day" lasted 2 hours, and I had no other plans for the day. I was so naive in those days (I was naive up to my forties) that I didn't even realize that it had been a set-up till years later. I even thanked her enthusiastically for the "fun day" and blamed myself for experiencing a somewhat disappointed feeling. Took me years to understand that I had been taken advantage of, lied to, laughed at, robbed (gas to get downtown is a lot of money here).

I tortured myself for years with anger at myself for having been such a cuckhold all my life, but since then I've managed to compensate by becoming extra watchful and avoiding being a victim, so I'm much less angry nowadays.

yeah, my ex spent 2 years and 3 boyfriends getting rid of me...

I just thought this type of thing was pretty much the norm.

Just a clarification: I don't mean the usual definition of "cuckhold" as in someone whose partner has cheated / is cheating on them.

it is what comes to mind...It has happened to me several times..The crappy feeling of being so naieve that the person just knew how easy it would be to get away with it...

my life is story after story if this - believing people literally, beleiveing the "love"word and beliving what is said to me.
i think i am now at the point that i will NEVER again EVER give my heart to anyone and take the risk of being cuckolded again.

as for the details, i am too embarrassed to say - as people will think i am a complete loser and idiot.

Coincidence topic

I was thinking about a jerk I knew 33 years ago who had led me on. I googled his name and saw his picture on a university web site. He had the same smirk on his face (he is now 70 years old, fer pete's sake!) and all I felt was a sense of loathing. I have moved on, forgiven myself for my naivete and feel somehow a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Sometimes facing things can be cathartic.

There are some stories from a few years ago. I'll only mention 1 for now.

I once worked in a school where I came into contact with 2 teachers quite often. I wasn't a teacher, but they'd get me to take on their work, and I was too naive to know my rights.

They'd make me write ideal answers for the students' science exam papers, so they could grade them easily; they also made me invigilate an exam; they got me to photocopy the exam papers, which took days; they were too lazy to do their own filing and it was on the floor for months in a huge, messy pile, and they got me to spend weeks doing it for them (and they wouldn't have given the students their revision assignments otherwise); they got me to carry heavy boxes and tidy the classrooms; they got me to make a record of student exam grades because they couldn't figure out how to use a spreadsheet. I was only the science technician (on £8000/year).

Why did you do it?

sorry...that'll teach me to have a vocabulary... Cuckhold, in the classic sense, means to cheat on your wife (I suppose husband as well).

I've been pretty lucky not being taken advantage of that way...

I had no idea that there were boundaries in the workplace and that I didn't have to take on teachers' duties as well as my own. No one had explicitly told me this. I found out afterwards.

I also thought that I was a poor employee and an imposter in the human world, having been treated very badly in past jobs, so had to do anything I was told by others in the workplace, or they'd find me out and I'd be fired. I had no idea what I'd done wrong in the past, so did not know what behaviour would turn colleagues against me; I was hypervigilent.

Sounds very much like me.