my music ministry and a boy

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I officially began my music ministry this morning at two churches in the southern Ohio area. The first service went well. This is so different for me because besides my dulcimer music, I am also delivering stories of hope and inspiration. For me to talk like this in front of a crowd is a little challenging for me. I used to play straight through my music with hardly any talk. But now I talk in my ministry of music. The stories come from around the country and involve people's personal triumphs over challenging situations. The last story I tell is about me---my complicated birth and eccentric childhood due to autism (Asperger's). I relate that autism has been a gift to me in that it allows me to become intensely interested in music and pursue different musical instruments. I play these instruments during the service between the stories.

At the second church, things went well. But afterwards, a lady came up to me and told me she enjoyed my music and ministry. She asked about my autism. I told her it would be classified as a high functioning autism. She told me there was a boy here at this church with autism. Within five minutes of her talking to me, two parents came up to me with this autistic boy. The mother introduced me to him and explained he was nonverbal. He paid little to no attention to any of us. He was pulling at her arms and doing the typical things associated with classic autism. He also let out the high pitched yells as well. She basically asked me "How can you do what you are doing with autism...my son has autism and he cannot speak?" I told her I was AS, and she said she assumed that. But she seemed to plead with me for help with her son. I didn't know what to say. I talked with her for what I could...but I must be honest...by this time I was socially on empty and still had to eat a dinner in the fellowship hall. Afterwards I had a headache. I want to continue to pursue this music ministry...but it is challenging for me. I can really see how AS affects me after the incident with the mother.

But all I can think about right now is that boy's mother. The father kept his distance. My AS causes me to misread people---but I felt like they resented me. But I don't think that is true---the mother I feel must have been wanting comfort from someone who could possibly understand her situation. But I must be honest, I don't understand the more classic autism as well as I do AS. But I feel I must write her a letter or something...she cared enough to talk to me...and I didn't know what to say. My therapist told me once that I needed to script out my feelings/thoughtss before certain situations arise. My inspirational stories in my ministry are scripted out. But I had no script for the mother of an autistic boy...so I failed to help her by giving her hope and inspiration in my opinion.

I just wanted to relate this incident in case anyone had any suggestions for me. Or perhaps, someone here has had a similar situation occur in their life. Thank you for reading.

People seek answers for things that there are no answers for, regardless of the reasons why... you cannot take responsibility for what she seeks, or feel guilt because of who you are. Writing a letter is a good thing, I think - allows you to communicate and control the exposure. Would having a form letter/pamphlet to hand out that explains more about you help to prevent more of these occurrences, or do you think it would invite more? Given the stress of the situation and the effort you're already expending in performing on stage, it might also be advisable to ask or have someone to help buffer you so you are not overwhelmed. Just my thoughts...


M.

It sounds like she was just trying to understand why you are so capable and her son isn't. Perhaps seeing you being capable actually gave her hope that her son might improve someday.

Perhaps you could have a flyer/pamphlet or prerehearsed speech about the autism spectrum and the differing abilities of people on the spectrum?

Thank you makuranososhi, that gives me something to think about. My therapist had actually offered to help me with this awhile back, but I never got around to going back for the advice. Ok...so the letter/pamphlet does sound like a good idea---thanks. But like the question you ask, I don't know if it would draw more occurrences or not. I know I act different than NTs on "stage". I have a sort of awkwardness about me.

That's an interesting thought about having a buffer. There is a older guy at my home church that plays the upright bass. We have worked together before. He would travel with me if I needed. That could help. Thanks.

Thank you Celtic Rose. Perhaps you are right---maybe it was hope. That is a good idea about the pamphlet with the differences in it. I will definitely give that some thought.