confusion.

Post Reply New Topic

People have pointed out to me that i dont stick up for myself. but i dont understand when people are making fun of me or joking. i never know who is against me or not. I feel susspicious of everyone but it doesnt bother me because i dont care if they are against me or not. I cant even really understand why it would matter. To me it feels like i should be able to control all situations with my mind. They say i set myself up for dissapointment because i revolve everything i do on imagining that i can manipulate reality with my thouhgts. Its as if im god but cant do anything still. If im a god then why doesnt things work the way they did. I never know who to trust because i am so gullible yet paranoid. Like I believe everything people say because i cant tell who is against me. I dont know what to do anymore. People have taken advantage of me so much before and it seems to keep happening. People always owe me money and dont pay me back. I even had a job for 9 months and rarly got paid and they will tell me i would get paid later but didnt. And everyone wants to control my mind. It fells like their all fighting to be me. How do i know im me. I dont like the way other people view me at all. I dont know if bad things happen because i wish it on them. Then i feel as if its my fault even though its yours. Theres no way out anymore. How do i understand people and how do i care when I dont even know myself or whats going on in my head half the time. I also notice i say things that contridict myself constantly but it might be because i dont usually know what im saying and then i say something to somebody that i think and it causes problems becuase they take it literal when i dont even know what im saying. I feel that nobody respects me but i demand respect from them and i am so angry at the world for how they do things that get in the way of things.

I'm sorry you're going through this and I've felt the same way and been treated the same way: gullible yet paranoid describes me too. I've been to parties where I'm sure people are talking about me. I expect to be rejected. I never know if my social skills are "good enough" and so I worry around neurotypicals, which makes the anxiety so bad that I want to avoid them.

I guess all we can do is be ourselves and ask people for feedback so we don't get taken advantage of as often.