Social Rules; what problems have you had with them?

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I see a set of rules....if I ask someone something first then the other person should ask next. One person shouldn't be the official Asker. The asker risks rejection every time they ask. So why would the person I asked for coffee on two separate occassions (and who turned me down twice) be mad at me and call me a game player?

If someone wants to be someone's friend....shouldn't they muster up the courage to do the asking too? If not, one person is the
dog boy and the other is the king pin.

I don't want to be a dog boy in any relationship. My family scapegoated me and I didn't like it. I will never be in a relationship again where I have no power. I feel if I must always ask....the other person has all the power.

My social problems are a bit confusing to myself still, as they always have been. A lot of problems with the social interaction that I have trouble with feel very confusing, frustrating and overwhelming. It leads me to not dealing with the situation at all.

I can quickly feel lost in the social world unless conversation is on something I've had a decent amount of experience with. Those types of conversations are easier because I can better track what is being said, and I can easily make my own comments as well.

I remember an evening out with my brother and two of my friends, all of whom I grew up with, so naturally I was decently comfortable. We ate dinner at a quiet little restaurant. I had a very difficult time tracking the conversation and involving myself with it. For the most part I found myself not really being involved with it, and focusing more on my surroundings and food than the talking around me.

You should trust your feelings - it doesn't sound worth pursuing for exactly the reason you state. There needs to be balance in social relationships.

You've done your part & taken the initiative to ask this person to have coffee with you - and they don't seem to be interested, or they would have done so by at least the second time you asked (or they would have asked you at a time that was more convenient for them.) They didn't - so it's their loss.

Here is a recent one that confused me: me and my family where in Pizza Express and we ordered dough balls and my mum got annoyed when I ate three, she said to me that there was two each, apparently I was autimatically meant to work it out or something!

Unless its a topic I am intensely interested in and know a lot about, people might as well be speaking a different language. Do you pretend to be engaged? I do.

I have the same problem. Mum got mad at me once cos I took too many chips, cos I thought she wasn't having any cos she never seems to eat anything (like a robot, LOL), but apparently I was supposed to automatically work out that she was off her diet that day. The next day, I only took a tiny amount of peas so the same thing wouldn't happen, and then she got mad at me for not eating enough vegetables! Again, I was supposed to automatically know that nobody else was having peas and they were all for me. The only time this doesn't happen is when we have chestnuts, cos it's common knowledge that I'm the only one who likes them so I have them all. Except when we have visitors, when I get yelled at for eating all the chestnuts because Mum didn't tell me that whoever else is there wanted some too.

I get pretty hyper when I'm talking - IF, and only if, I am interested. I have a tendency to interrupt people; sometimes taking the conversation in a whole new direction - because I was getting bored.

In meetings, I'm the smartypants raising her hand and asking or answering questions or cracking jokes. I can tell it drives my co-workers crazy - I can read body-language very well - except my allies! But if I try to keep my mouth shut, I literally have a panic attack. It was the same in school - which was worse because I had an intense fear of speaking in public. (It's gone now)

Besides being annoying, I do it a lot with "superiors" and elders. I don't show the proper "fear" (but they call it "respect") I guess I'm supposed to feel. I pretty much talk to everyone the same. Polite but kind of aggressive.

I can always tell when I cross the line - and I back down. So, it usually works out ok. I've never been fired or anything, for being a smartmouth.

As far as rules, the rules of conversation are very regional I've learned. Southerners talk a lot but they are all very respectful and submissive around superiors and elders - whereas, like on the west coast - being assertive is encouraged in most families. NYers and NJers seem to be even more aggressive - which is why they crack me up. "I can't believe you just said that!"

Have you ever been told that you were too intense? That you get too worked up about something....I do but I am not sure what they mean.

I think it comes down to the fact that NTs are uncomfortable just talking or thinking about one thing. Even when the purpose is very specific (like at work, or at school), they tend to spend an inordinate amount of time "chatting" before, during & after.

If you are anything like me, you like to "get down to business" right away. I start out by getting to the point - then explore the topic from many angles. So people call me "intense" - referring to my intensity of focus - which to them is a bit unpleasant, even though things actually get accomplished (what did they expect?) Left to their own devices, the task would have taken much longer & probably have to be redone later, because they would have missed an important detail.