Feeling Trapped

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I have a friend that is an Aspie -inter alia- he is to say the least different.

I have known him for a while now, but I am encountering so many difficulties that I feel trapped and this is compounded to my own very serious life issues, which I feel I cannot deal with effectively because of this trapped and anxious feeling. I feel I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown here, and I have no support or outlet I can ask about any of this.

This person is fine most of the time, generally I don't mind talking to him. However, many times I have felt uncomfortable to the point of wanting to cut the friendship off completely. Each time I try to do so he has found a way to prevent me from doing do so, and the cycle continues, whether it be blackmail or harassing and manipulating me into submitting to what he wants most -- into being that someone he wants to talk to. I understand that, I totally get that, and I would be fine with that if it stopped at being a casual friend to talk to. Except I feel like my personal freedoms are impinged upon, first and foremost among those the right to my privacy and right to come and go as I please. He claims I have all of that, but then at times, because my privacy has never been respected I don't feel that it's true. Maybe it is. Nonetheless, it makes me feel insecure and as if I am on a leash. I feel like I am going to be on this leash until he dies, because if I don't talk to him or what not, then he gets anxious and freaks out. Maybe I don't feel like talking to anyone? I have the right to choose the people I need/want to be around, and it's so unhealthy for me to feel this way, and unhealthy for him to put someone in such a situation.

Like I said, for the most part, he's not a bad guy. Maybe he doesn't even realize how much he's made me feel so helpless and trapped. I've tried many times to clearly explain to him how I feel, but it's all for naught, over and over I fail. At the pit of it, he just wants to keep talking to me, no matter what. I wouldn't mind talking to him if it were on my terms, the amount of frequency I prefer (once a month, once a week, once a year ... whatever), and with my right to privacy respected, which means me telling him what he should know about me, not him lurking into my private online life uninvited.

And, if you happen to be the he I am referring to, then I'm glad you're here. Just know I am asking for help, so don't take it badly.

Any ideas, thoughts, comments? Similar situations?

Deleted. Too late to actually delete it.

Last edited by kirayng on 23 Apr 2012, 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Please forgive me if I sound brash becuse i'm not trying to be judgemental.

If he really makes you that unconfomfortable, maybe you should take a break from the freindship to evaluate the relationship. If you simply continue the freindship just because you feel bad for him, you are demonstrating codependency characteristics. If he won't listen to you, it indicates he lacks respect for you and your boundries.

Thanks for your replies

Changed my mind about this reply. I better just back out now. This is too complicated for me to stomach.

Last edited by logolept on 23 Apr 2012, 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get pretty mad when people tell me how I feel.

That's because you don't want to show your deeper emotions & show yourself as vulnerable. So anger is the easy option.

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No matter how you let him down. It will hurt him, its up to him to get over it or to evaluate why it went wrong. You need to put your foot down & not let him control you or you going to go down hells road.

You need to understand at this point he is a danger, don't make the mistake others have.

I would end the friendship. It doesn't have to be forever, though. If he's ever willing to stop treating you poorly and start respecting you, then you should try getting back together.

So I put my foot down at what cost? I agree with what you said. I have tried so many ways. The problem is that he just creeps back. No, is not an acceptable answer, and I tried it as swiftly as I was able.

I think the time for making this decision is long passed. Now the fact is that I am stuck here, and there is nothing I can do until I am willing to take the risk and jump and see where I fall. I'm not in a position to be jumping right now, or I will land in a very unpleasant position.

Do you know what the cost could be if you don't put your foot down? He is harassing you at this point. Is that not breaking the law or that gone now a subpoena or the police, Make sure they got tazers though.

This is violence, controlling you, trying to strip you of your confidence. You need to be thinking about yourself. Your talking like someone who has had domestic violence.