Pet Furrrrniture

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I just received this and thought I would share it...I think I will hang up the sign part.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing apaw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

To pacify you my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:



1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it "fur"niture .)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours, and does not speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes , don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

That incredibly loud noise that you just heard was my fiance here in CA laughing hysterically as I read her your post.

Thanks from both of us (and Puma)

That other incredibly loud noise you heard was me laughing while mikesan surreptitiously (or so she thinks) shreds her nascar uniform after i read this to her.

ROFLOL!

LOL!

I love it!

We just recently got a kitty (instead of a cat, like we normally end up with) and he does indeed think the stairs is a raceway.

*mournfully* Think you could get my ancient Jack Russell to read this? Not only does he stretch out all over my bed, if I dare try to go to bed he immediately emanates an odor reminiscent of pond scum.

(Me: three cats and two dogs and still grieving over a sun conure that flew away 6 months ago)

This reminds me of a conversation I had at a party (!) last night with two landlords. They were both saying they would take people with pets over people with kids any day!