Want to be friends with autistic female, she has no empathy.

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I want to make friends with another woman who has autism, because we have so much in common. The problem is that she already has so many friends and she is well off, and I am poor with no friends but my BF. Still, she likes and respects me.

I sent her two emails telling her my cat died and she wrote back, "How is your kitty?" Then, I wrote to her in empathy for the problem she is going through with her bipolar disorder and also told her about my problem with agorophobia and how I wish I could get out more and had more friends.

She didn't respond to that at all. Instead, she wrote three paragraphs about her happy social life, stating that she was so much more social when manic.

I know a lot of this is her autism, but should I take it personally? I have been feeling angry and jealous. Despite her sociability, this particular woman stims constantly in public and relates all sorts of social difficulties. She was diagnosed with autism as a small child. So, she is really autistic.

She just has what I want and she doesn't even respond to my needs and feelings--twice.

I just want to add that I don't EXPECT constant empathy from an autistic person, but I have autism too and I empathized with her. It makes me mad.

Oh I'm guilty of what she did, going on about myself when someone tells me about them.
Be friends with her, if you have loads in common, just let that one blow over. If she keeps doing the same thing then I'd give her second thoughts because it would be annoying.
IDK if that helps any it probably doesn't but oh well.

Try and be friends with her, you should try and not take it too personally, I don't think she would be able to help it.

Oh, I think I know what she might be doing! She isn't trying to be unempathetic, quite the opposite! She is trying to SHOW you that if she can do it this way, since you are autistic, you can do it the same way she did! That's how it sounds to me. She might be trying to show you how to make friends. She says she has an easier time making them while manic.

I think a lot of her overlooking of my stuff is because she's overloaded with her own manic episode. At least, I hope so.. and I hope she's not offended by my email, in which I actually quoted my last email and asked for support and told her I wish I could have the life she has.

bipolar people and aspies without empathy can be good, nice people. but they can also be aholes and jerks. their diagnosis does not mean that you should sell yourself short and accept their misconduct.

I might not be the best person in the world at understanding human relationships but I know for two people to be friends then both of them need to make the choice to want to be friends. One way friendships do not work.

But bear in mind that people with autism (classic, aspergers, or some other flavour) have feeligns, which are likely to include the desire to seek out their own kind and be friends with them. But the way that these feeligns are expressed are very different to the way the NTs express these feelings AND no two people on the spectrum are identical. Just becuase you and some one else have the same flavour of autism (in terms of clinical label) does not mean that your behaviours will be carbon copies of each other.

I would say you need to think of why you want to be friends with the other lady, but try not to be offended. Be nice to her, but do not fall into the trap of trying too hard to please the person you want as a friend. Let her have her own space to think and do things.

By the way I think you are a nice person, feel free to PM me.

Maybe she doesn't know she is supposed to say "I am so sorry about your life" or give you advice about it or support.

Mmmm...I don't know...

You might want to tread cautiously. You said that she has a lot of friends, but she said that she's at her best socially during a manic period. But what about the depressive periods?

If you are miffed over her current behaviour, it might only get worse if you move into "friend" territory with her. Especially if you don't take rejection and falling-outs very well.

How well do you know her? Does she make and lose friends very frequently? For an autistic person with bi-polar, they might be doing great during a manic period, but they might lose those friends due to their behaviour during depressive episodes.

I know I'm making assumptions here, but for a person who prefers stability within friendships, it's best to avoid getting too close to people who have a tendency towards roller-coaster mood swings.

I agree to tread carefully - perhaps give the friendship a bit longer and see how it pans out. She might not understand how to respond to your sad news and could be trying to cheer you up by writing about her own social life and actitivies. It might simply be that she doesn't know you're expecting her to acknowledge your own news - some people don't. If after a while it looks like the friendship isn't working and/or you're getting nothing out of it then maybe it's best to move on. Every friendship takes time to build a foundation though so it's worth giving it a chance, especially considering both your difficulties.

I'm sorry but she has what you want? Do you think perhaps you are being a little pushy and your envy might throw up some walls? Anytime I've come across another female who is envious and wants what another female has, it turns into a game of entitlement and often leads in pushy stalkerish behavior.

Why do you think she has to be your friend? In the first paragraph shows you are comparing and pitying yourself in comparisson to her life vs. yours as a template.

Second and third paragraph. When it comes to empathy and social skills, yeah alot of people with autism don't respond to what you were looking for. Third paragraph when she talks about when she is more sociable sounds like she was trying to be helpful but didn't know how.

You are feeling angry and jealous? Those aren't healthy traits for a friendship. If you continue to feel as though you must have what she has and you must get closer to her, she is going to back away and if you continue to proceed then that will come across as intrusive.

How would you feel if the roles were reversed and someone felt as though they were entitled to your friendship? The girl was envious and angry with you. Would you think "Budding great friendship" or would you think "gotta get away from this one".

Sometimes people go overboard with expecting empathy and already have in their mind what they want to hear. When it doesn't happen, it triggers a negative emotion.

If you know she has autism, why are you shocked?

I apologize for my bluntness. I don't mean to offend. This is an honest observation. You can take it or leave it.

At first - don't take it personally: If she is really interested in your friendship, she will show this differently. You will see it when you are in real need.

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But to you: I wrote this here more than ones to my co-Aspies: If you can't stand a person and you do not rely on this person, why do try to be close to her? Ask yourself: What are your motives?

I think she could be your inspiration. Do you ever wonder if she can do it I might be able to as well. Maybe she could give everyone who wants success socially some pointers.

Michelle Obama who grew up disadvantaged in Chicago says confidence, fortitude and hard work are what's needed for success.

I know it must be very hard on you because this person has no empathy. See, I have asperger's and the problem with my asperger's is I have no empathy. I am very social, but only on a talking level, not an emotional level. This is why I even though I am social, but when I talk to someone, i just have small talk. I do not go any deeper because of the lack of understanding and empathy, this is why I do not have actual friendships because a friendship requires more than just simple chit chat.
When a person becomes a "friend" their needs from you are now not just simple talk, but mental(needing advice) and especially emotional(needing empathy understanding about how they feel, handling them in their time of need and/or other issues they may be having). This part is very difficult for someone who has asperger's like I do.
This is very difficult for me to even make friends with a "typical" person without disabilities and/or health and "special" needs. But when a person with a disability becomes a friend (with my experiences anyway), meeting those other needs are automatically expected of you because they are more emotionally and mentally needy because of their disabilities.
For me even though I live in a group home and am a part of an agency, I avoided the other clients(all had Autism and/or mental retardation). The group home I live in, even though I have my own side, the other housemates( who have autism, mental retardation and behavior disorders),which whom I do not get along with anyway because they harass and bully me, expect me to be their friend and give into their needs. Unfortunately, because I am the highest functioning one, the staff feel that I should be their friend and give in to their needs. This is why I have to leave the group home and can not be in a program with disabled people.
I do not mean to be mean and actually, I am with you %100, because of my asperger's I get afraid of putting the same things on any potential friend and that is why I do not really make friends.But that only works for me and not others, so you should go ahead and make friends, but make friends with people who are more understanding.
What I am trying to say is everything I have discussed is in the point of view of this autistic woman. I am just explaining why she is the way she is. I know how hard it is to have friends with autism, because if I put myself in your shoes and I had to deal with myself, I know that I would not make a good friend to anyone because of the "social-emotional relation" connection That is lacking due to my Asperger's, and that is why I know how both you and her must feel.
It is great that you have a friend with autism. My advice is if you are going to talk to her, because of her problems with empathy, I would not go to her for support, advice, and especially emotional support and help. I hope this help clear things a bit.

No.