Do you often think you should know better than your AS?

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Do you often get angry at yourself thinking that even though you have AS/NLD/other autistic spectrum traits, you should know better at your age and should be able to act more normal by using your intellectual abilities to compensate for your lack of Theory of Mind / social intuition?

I do, all the time.

How do you know how much is enough at a given age?

(If someone understood and can explain what I mean in clearer English, I'll be grateful)

Yes.

I'm so intelligent, intellectual, apathetic towards most aggressors, unemotional, sorted/structured, thinking and planning that I should know better than have severe violent bloody meltdowns. Shouldn't I?


(It was perfectly easy to understand. You explained that well.)

Yupyup. People expect me to grow out of taking everything literally, misreading people, and not recognizing social undercurrents.

But I don't have the mechanisms to do that...

I know people get sick of explaining to me that they didn't mean something literally, but how the hell am I supposed to know they were only taking the piss? Their tone of voice sounds the same to me as when they're being serious. So does their facial expression...ngh...

Thank you, Sora. I always feel that I should've overcome my lack of ToM at my age already, and should know what is and isn't acceptable to do / say in society in spite of my AS. Then I beat myself up when I blunder yet one more time.

I take things too literally and i still can't take a joke people still say come on it's only a joke.

I figured it out at a pretty early stage so I've been pushing myself since I was about 14. I've lost most of my anxiety and nervousness by now and since I apply my knowledge to my life and understand that I should not fear certain everyday situations. I still feel tired from doing much and acting "normal" but nothing stands in my way anymore. I just wish that more aspies would realize this and develop more courage.
I used to be a scared little boy, now I'm pretty easy going and very sure of myself all thanks to pushing myself and applying my knowledge to situations I live every damn day.

I've felt like I babysit my autistic side all the time. Sometimes I envy people that are all autistic and don't have to continually watch and evaluate 'how'm I doin'?' Are any loose ends sticking out? Did I forget to grimace in the correct way when I saw what's her name that I think is my boss's boss? Ut-oh! here comes that nervous tic I have just before I start into an overload, will a few minutes with my head down on the desk with my earplugs be enough? Do I go to the 'dark room' they used to have set up for me at work? no, that is closed for a remodel several weeks ago and they have the class room next door set up for. . for nothing, but it is dark and I can cry silently if I need to. OOOH, now I get the blues and think about how I least can handle this when I am melting down! I have an intermittent Leave Of Absence (the Family Medical Leave Act) but when I was sick as a dog with the flu they took all my vacation time because they didn't accept my note from the doctor. I am on part time for the summer in our quest for everyone to keep a job, we all went to part time and if I go HOME, I don't get my full part time weeks pay and then I can't pay the rent. . .

GACK, I gotta go RIGHT NOW! off I go and then, I am on the street, making my way down the sidewalk, holding back the freak out, waiting for the bus, noises, people talking loudly on cell phones, babies screaming, day out shopping crowd, finally the bus makes its bee bee beep sound and the pnumatic lifts lift up and it's only a couple of miles to my stop, then the blocks home.

aaaahhh. . home. I get in side and my kitty blinks sleepily wondering why I am home so early. I strip off every stitch and stand in the hot shower, with my scrubbie and my favorite hypo allergenic soap and scrub it all off and watch the tension go down the drain and consciously stand under the shower and 'fill my tank' with pure energy.

Wrapping in big warm towels I burrow into the warm bed (rest warmer, like an electric blanket only UNDER the mattress cover) and slip on my c-pap machine and . .. I am ready to go back to work again.

it's too much, it really is. So I roll over and try to sleep. If it's a good day, I nod off for a while. If not, I get up and make myself a cup of tea.

Babysitting her all the time, gets old.

Merle

Merle, going along with your analogy, I'd say that I'm constantly policing my Aspie side.

BTW, I see your sensory issues are much more influential in your everyday life than the social ones. My sensory issues are extremely mild; my hell is the social arena. It's a rare day when I can to bed at night relaxed knowing I didn't ruin anything in my life that day with one (or many) social blunders. My first thought when I wake up each morning is an alarmed, anxious: "What/who did I lose yesterday?" It's not frequent that I can reassure myself that no, nothing / no one was lost yesterday.

It doesn't bother me much. I've come to accept my limitations.

That's a mentally healthy sounding way of saying that I've given up.

CW, your posts never fail to make me burst with laughter.