Is social awkwardness unacceptable?

Post Reply New Topic

Well to a certain extent, I feel that society as a whole feel that way. (I base this on the way people have reacted to my social awkwardness). I know its never good to generalize, but it seems to me that people almost 'despise' you if are socially awkward. I'm sure a lot of people here have gotten negative feedback about this trait. If this is so, then why?

Isn't it a little superficial to think that everyone should be competent in socializing? Well thats how I feel. In my world, being 'shy' is usually tainted as something less than ideal. I wonder why?

I think it's because people think that being social is a basic part of humanity. Biologically this is true, of course, but there will always be some of us who find it difficult and irksome and tiring and so forth. And we are still humans, too.

But when these people are confronted with someone who does not conform to their idea of humanity, they become unsure of themselves, or scornful, or something. I don't know exactly what they think. I have troubles in that department. The point is, people tend not to like things that don't conform to their basic expectations. We do not conform. It's an accident, but there it is.

I don't care about whether people think I am acceptable now.

And there are some people who do not judge others in this way. I have met them. They are good to be around, even for me, who tends to dislike being around people.

Maybe this awkwardness is actually inconvenient or difficult for some more sociable individuals to understand. Some people (but not all) are afraid of what they don't understand.

If there are communication difficulties it can makes tasks that rely on other people much harder, in much the same way that one un-oiled cog can cause the rest of the machinery to stall.

There are probably probably situation where people are so busy talking to more socially competent individuals that they forget or overlook the socially awkward ones. They can become so absorbed in interacting with their own friends, that they may be blissfully unaware that lone individuals on the outside may need company.

This might not be because they're deliberately being mean, but because they've assumed, incorrectly that the aloof person doesn't want to talk to anyone, given the lack of social signals that this person is giving out. They may mistakenly think that the aloof person wants to be alone through choice or is being deliberately difficult, when this isn't the case. The person might have genuine difficulty showing non-verbal signals, but still wants friends.

I think there's often a breakdown in communications and both sides understanding the other's point of view.

People who are too socially awkward are seen as potential rapists / serial killers - that's why it's unacceptable

I agree. Someone who is socially awkward isn't considered normal & sets off lots of red flags. The awkwardness is often misunderstood as one trying to mask their true emotions & intentions.

Potentially that is a contemporaneous phenomena that people are inculcated with by press fear tactics - we do live in an age of fear, after all..

People often assume a superior demeanor to those who are socially awkward - it is just them pumping up their own ego a lot of times - which ironically illustrates their own insecurities

People that can't deal with anybody that is not 'normal' are not worth bothering with generally imho

Yes social awkwardness is unacceptable that's why i don't go out much and people look at me funny because i do not fit in the social world.

ditto

I think the term is self-defining.

Socially awkward means you don't CONFORM to society's norms.

For all the garbage about individualism, society rewards conformity. Those who do not (or can not) are treated accordingly.

It's not wrong to be socially awkward, but society rewards those who fit in and punishes those who do not.

I agree with the personal response. I also want to point out some random considerations:

-- Human lifespan has dramatically changed in the past 100 years. People now regularly live to 80, aren't getting married until 25, etc. There are pretty screwed up reactions to death (like it is an unexpected shock in life!) and almost a sense of entitlement to perfect health and to live to 120.

-- The USA in general is not what it used to be. Since 9/11 and even before, we welcome less outsiders and are more xenophobic.

-- The population of the earth keeps growing and growing. the experience of life now vs. 1950... you are tighter packed. Bigger cities are enamored.

-- Transportation. Cars have been such a worldwide obsession of the last 40 years. That MACHINE and CONTROL.

-- We are much more connected with cell phones, internet, text messages. So social has changed meaning with

-- Even Television is changing. Movies. you can take them with you. Self-gratification is the norm now, your iPod controls what you want. There is a total change of society to point to the self. (Attitude example: If you don't fit my self image, you are NOT welcome here!). Things like exclusivity are heavily branded and marketed.

-- Marketing. Man, that never ends. Overstimulated?

-- Makeup and clothes. so much effort goes on to manipulating your senses and emotions for sex and attention. Everyone is overstimulated?

================

I'd say at no point in history have the cards been so stacked against people who are from another planet who think different. It is outright been brainwashed out of the society with a constant diet of self and instant gratification.

I encourage you to watch this BBC presentation:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcfour/documentar ... self.shtml

You can watch it online:
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 3825999151

Here I am surfing the net and reading WP while I'm in a meeting at work. I need to be. It is too awkward to listen to things without the ability to polytask. Luckily I can type without looking at the keyboard, and vaguely look around the room, not making eye contact, but enough so that they don't think I'm totally ignoring them. Of course typing makes it easier for me to focus on what they're saying.

Strangely enough, the more we do what we want, the easier it is for many of us to participate socially. I know that if I could attend social events with dark sunglasses, a hat, and ear plugs (that filtered out ambient noise), but I can't.

I think that when people see, or recognise that we're trying to fit in, we can also ask them to try to see us fitting in, and meeting us half way.

Neat thread.

Yes, that's about it, as far as I see it. And it's not just about aspies or auties. Any other minority or individual that doesn't conform for one reason or another is facing the same problem. But I find interesting how important is the way this awkwardness is perceived - being seen as indifferent to hierarchy and confident will bring you status (but no friends), while for being eager and willing to try and learn you'll usually be bullied or at best pitied.

Is social awkwardness unacceptable?

It is a thoughtful question.

For me, they can accept it and put up - or they can leave.
I don't go out seeking NT's. It is they who need my expertise in my chosen discipline.


It is liberating to finally stop worrying about how I am/am not impacting others.
The intent is positive.

If some NT chooses to interpret it wrongly - am I to now cry in my beer?

I actually have had the impression many times that a lot of NT people have a sort of phobia about social awkwardness, as though they're afraid it might be contagious. So, rather than do the compassionate thing and overlook it, including the odd bird and accepting them for who they are, they turn on them and drive them away with intentional exclusion and ridicule.

LMAO!! !!

Great one! And very understated.

So - where then lies the pathology?

But there is truth to that. People (like in the military) do become desensitized to violence and death. People can become desensitized to bad dress, bad behavior, etc.

The cards are stacked against us... but not everything in life is great. What positive purpose do mosquitoes serve ? we aren't that bad, are we. Seriously, read my earlier post in this thread and watch the BBC video. People have all been heading toward a selfish society, it isn't a joke or self-serving thing. It is real. with a bad economy, people can often become more appreciative of things like differences of people instead of the latest BlueRey DVD, new metallic paint colors for their car, or a slightly smaller iPod!