My Father Is So Ignorant!

Post Reply New Topic

Do you know what it's like to have a father who is convinced that his son is an idiot and an embarrassment? Well you've never met my father.

My dad is a successful businessman who owns and manages a grocery story. He's an extreme workaholic and a well-known man in town. Yet dad can be so ignorant concerning his own son. Often in the past, whenever I did something stupid or forgot something important, he says, "Dwayne, did you leave your brain in bed this morning?"

Many times he says I have no common sense. When my younger brother Jeff called me a "handicapped kid", dad actually agreed with him! Several times he's called me a "brainless dope", and even used the "F" word that rhymes with "luck" when he called me "stupid".

Dad also complains about the way I dress and look. When he go out to dinner, he insists that I take my hat off inside the restaurant even though there are other people inside wearing them. He also complains that I still wear a "dickie" around my neck. Years ago, when I started to grow a beard, dad always made me shave it off, but now I let it grow. So he, mom, and Jeff say, "Fine, let it grow. Obviously you'd rather have a beard than a girlfriend." That's so ridiculous!

Does anybody else have parents who are embarrassed to have a child with Asperger's?

Yes, however they just backhanded me when I disagreed with them. I was kept on a halter and leash until I was 8 years old and never taken out with them to restaurants, etc. after that. I was finally institutionalized when I was one month before I was 18 and by law responsible for myself. I know this is no comfort for you, but worse things can happen, you know.

Merle


______________________________________
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But, when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
Mark Twain

There's no excuse for calling people stupid, that's just abusive. But I went through a lot of that myself as a youth and I didn't die from it. Just take it with a grain of salt, they're frustrated with you because they don't understand that your mind simply works differently from theirs. My folks had never heard of Asperger's Disorder or Autism. Imagine how weird they thought their son was. I think they're actually relieved now that my oddness wasn't a parenting failure on their part.

Some of the things your folks are giving you grief about are basic social skill issues and you really should pay more attention. Wearing a hat indoors has been considered bad manners and the sign of a rube for hundreds of years. I know a lot of people do it now, but technically it's still considered low class. Facial hair is a personal choice, but studies have shown again and again that men with beards and mustaches are perceived by strangers as less honest and more threatening. I'm not saying it makes you a bad person, I have a goatee myself - but face the facts, these things are social truths whether you understand them or not. So don't take everything they try to teach you as a personal attack - they're actually trying to help you, by pointing out things you don't pick up on naturally. The fact that you refuse to accept their help frustrates them, thus the conflict. Try understanding they just want to help you fit in, so the rest of the world doesn't perceive you as totally out of step. Being different is cool and I think it's something to be proud of, but being seen as too different will hold you back.

Eh, when someone does everything in their power to be as obnoxious as possible, you tend to start finding even their smaller complaints irritating, even if there's a kernel of truth in them. The beard's none of their business. I don't even tell my husband to not grow a beard. It's his face. He doesn't tell me how to wear my hair, either. And the hat, I dunno, depends on the hat and where you're wearing it. But yeah, the old standard is "no hats inside". on the other hand, when was the last time you saw society in general following one common standard? They blew it off because they thought it was stifling. Sometimes I wish we still had one. But I'd probably fail at it, so maybe I'm lucky.

Anyway. I don't think there's any doubt the dad here is acting wrong. You can be civil, even in a family. My family's just kinda obnoxious, and I avoid talking to them. Some people think anything they do is right, and that their license is even greater with their own children. Any suggestion they might make that it's for the kid's own good is crap. Immaturity is immaturity. They're taking out their gripes on a person. That's wrong.

i am still undiagnosed, and i remain the pinnacle of dissapointment in my family.

im 27 now, i dunno your age, but my dad finally more-or-less gave up on me. not on me as a person, but as a potential success. he still invites me to dinners, and stuff, but he doesnt push me to succeed anymore...

i really want that diagnosis or im gonna remain the "intelligent idiot" of my family

'They', meaning all of society in all nations of the world, did no such thing. There are still standards, even if the idols of pop culture have led their herd followers to adopt a different fad behavior this fashion cycle. I maintain that certain practices are still, among the truly influential, considered lowbrow and uncouth, no matter how common they may be for the moment. The herd that follows fashion is a fickle and ignorant lot who change their plumage and behaviors frequently. The standards of mannered culture evolve far more slowly. I would hope that any parent would want to pass on something more permanent and useful to their children than the philosophy "Oh, what the hell, everybody's doing it nowadays". Missing the finer points of social interaction and societal standards is by definition our very disorder and the one thing in which we are most likely to need specific lessons. The guy with his hat on backwards and his underwear showing is never going to be invited to sit at the table with the power players. To accept the slovenly as the norm is equivalent to tattooing on your forehead "Ya want fries with that?" Yeah - that's a personal choice, but you should be aware that you're making it.



No argument there, but nobody's perfect and it does nothing positive to spend your life holding grudges, especially against your family. Parents often overreact and make mistakes, they're human - sometimes when they try to teach you something they believe is important and perceive resistance, they get ugly about it. That doesn't mean the lesson they were trying to impart was wrong. I'm saying all communication is a two way street - again, this is our challenge as Aspies - we have to take some responsibility for making an effort to understand what's acceptable and what isn't. It's common for young people (and I was as guilty as anyone ever was) to argue and rebel at every turn, so it may not be fair to blame all the conflict on one party. My daughter thinks I'm a douche because I don't want her getting too friendly with strangers on the Internet. But she's 17 and thinks horrible things only happen to other people. So I'm an ogre, but that doesn't make me wrong.

just inform him that just because he is a failuire as a parent doesn't earn him the right be rude. He is a failure because he verbally abuses you. That or tell to f**k off and die.

I used to be an embarrassment to my brothers because of my meltdowns. I don't think I was ever an embarrassment to my parents. They never told me. I know I was just an embarrassment to my family after being told I embarrass my brothers

My mom was so embarassed by my diagnosis when I was 3,she never told me, and we don't talk about it to this day. I was diagnosed again in my mid-twenties.

I read somewhere that everyone in a family unit has an assigned role that they are expected to play. My role in the family is Disposable Doggie Doo Doo (to put it nicely). I have given up hoping for that to change. They are who they are.

You're family sounds abusive. I'd either ignore them or get away from them.

my father is also a scumbag, and ive disowned him

aww thats awful
my family is kinda like that just not that bad.

^^ I have but been recently diagnosed with high functioning autism and my happy family wished for me to be diagnosed. Alas I believe it is very interesting as they appear happy with the label, yet do not appear to take note of my personal behaviour. ^^ For instance, they insist that I only dicuss matters as I enjoy arguing and that I enjoy upsetting them. I do not understand why I would wish to do this, and inform them of this, yet they state that is the way this appears to them. ^^ Alas, they are happy, and I believe it is certainly awful what your happy father has stated to you.

or it could just be your dad is a complete douche, box and all!